realityshifted | (no subject)

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life on mars (d1) sam tyler

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[Suffering severe trauma leads to taking an holiday. Taking an holiday leads to intense boredom. And intense boredom leads to ~~the Dark Side~~ Sam Tyler in a waist apron]

Fumie, we're having pasta alla carbonara tonight.

And, uh, if anyone else is hungry... I have a lot of spare time right now. [muttered] Can't believe the satellite and the internet went out at the same time...

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Why do I have to? How can this help?

Because you need to tell someone. You know talking helps. I know you do. And quite frankly I just told you something I don't tell anyone so you owe me. [smiles a little]

[glances down at the hand the Doctor's holding] You're a bit clingy, aren't you? Abandonment issues, or just loneliness?

[softly] No one holds your hand in '73 unless you're about to jump off a building. Men're too afraid to seem feminine and the women have to be careful about getting too close.

[shrugs] I'm not even human. That sort of thing doesn't apply. I just think that...sometimes everyone needs someone to hold their hand. Metaphorically or otherwise.

[under his breath, sings a few lines from "I Want To Hold Your Hand" by the Beatles]

Who holds your hand?

I love that song. But, well. Loads of people do. We're supposed to be talking about you, you know.

Helping other people helps me. 's why I'm a copper. Cleaning out the gutters so my city can be safe, as the Guv'd put it.

[laughs a little] All right. Are you going to sit down and talk with me, then?

[pauses, and then nods]

[smiles and flops down on the ground] Well, ball's in your court. Whatever you want to talk about that you think will help.

[sits and frowns, playing with the cuffs of his jacket] I don't...

Feels a bit awkward, this. It's hard to... start.

[shifts to sit cross-legged and props his head up in his hands, elbows on his knees] I just said the first thing I thought of that I keep bottled up.

[thumbs the leather of his boots for a moment, then glances up, tentative]

I... I'm not sure how much I want to leave this place, anymore. I want to go home - I want to see mum and Maya and Auntie Heather and everyone again, and I can't just... abandon who I was. I have responsibilities, back in 2006. But... I have responsibilities here, too. I...

[very quet]

I have people I love here, too.

[nods thoughtfully, rubbing his nose] Why can't you abandon who you were? [sounds honestly curious] Who are you now?

I have to wake up, Doctor. Some day, I have to wake up.

[pulls out his badge, turning it over] Was a DCI, in 2006. Lots of responsibility. Maya had - Maya and I were... having problems, in our relationship. Because I locked everything away. Because I didn't leave any room for 'gut instinct.' Because I buried myself in my work and gave up on everyting else.

[flips open the badge, reading over the warrant card] 'DI Sam Tyler.' 'Picky pain' second in command to DCI Gene Hunt. Nags and complains about following proper procedure. Only one in the department, except WDC Cartwright, who knows how to do paperwork. Insists on evidence and forensics to the point of driving his DCI into rages - sometimes does it just for fun. Has strange 'fits' of madness that everyone shrugs off, God knows why, but he's dead lucky, there. And even if he's called 'Gladys' and 'Dorothy,' even if he's pegged as girly and sissy, DI Tyler sticks to... to his morals and his ideas... sticks to 'the Hyde way' - they don't know the first thing about Hyde - though sometimes it costs him, and sometimes...

He's let some things go, Hunt's DI. He's... 'acclimatised' to his new era. Doesn't fit in right, but he lets his Guv hit about a suspect without complaint. Locks people into freezers to get confessions. Gets angry when suspects bring in attorneys and stop his team from pursuing their normal methods of interrogation. Drinks more than he's ever done, barely notices cigarette smoke... DI Sam Tyler isn't the same man that DCI Sam Tyler was.

Edited 2008-03-12 18:22 (UTC)

Point. [tilts his head back] Who's happier?

[looks up, startled] I don't...

[just raises his eyebrows slightly] Hm? Go on.

I don't know... [except, really he does, and his voice turns from lost to almost desperate] But it doesn't matter, does it? I have to wake up. I have to go back.

[gently] Of course it matters. But you have to go back because of your responsibilities, right?

Yes, it's... it's impossible to stay here. Anyway you look at it, I have to leave. I have to go back.

All right, so. You go back. You leave behind what makes you happy and your responsibilities here. Then what happens when you get home, Sam? [touches his shoulder and looks him in the eyes] That won't be a life.

I can't stay.

Sam, you're in control of whether or not you wake up. [gives his shoulder a squeeze and drops his hand] You can at least think about it. There's always a way.

I don't think there is, Doctor.