realityshifted | (no subject)

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life on mars (d1) sam tyler

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[Suffering severe trauma leads to taking an holiday. Taking an holiday leads to intense boredom. And intense boredom leads to ~~the Dark Side~~ Sam Tyler in a waist apron]

Fumie, we're having pasta alla carbonara tonight.

And, uh, if anyone else is hungry... I have a lot of spare time right now. [muttered] Can't believe the satellite and the internet went out at the same time...

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[softly] I have. Loads of times. Probably more times than I can remember.

There are hopeless cases, yeah but... [frowns and looks up] I know how sick and torn the universe is. I saw that a long time ago. And every time I think I've done something to help someone, there's at least a hundred more people I failed. That doesn't mean you stop trying. It means you try harder. Hope is good to have, Sam. If you lose hope, you lose everything.

I'm going to lose it all anyway.

Sam. [shifts closer] Honestly, humans sometimes...Listen, it doesn't have to be that way. I'm going to help you. It would be good if you helped yourself, too.

What can I do?

Well, for starters, try not to be too fatalistic over it. We've got time to think. Just hold out some hope.

[looks down, and then, abruptly, back up at the Doctor] Your turn.

[blinks, completely thrown off] What? What do- ...Oh. Oh! Right, uhm... [scratches his neck] Is there something you want me to talk about?

Anything you want to talk about.

[rubs the back of his neck slowly] If we're talking about hopeless cases, I might as well mention mine. Erm, I mean...I think he probably is. Not that I'm much for admitting that but I...don't know what to do about him.

[looks up at him, attentive]

[fidgets a bit] Well. It's been hundreds of years since he was...erm, not like this. In my third, it wasn't too bad. I think if I had tried back then to talk to him, it would have worked. But that was a long time ago. He's not the same anymore. It sounds easy, though, doesn't it? 'I'll save him'. I told Martha that. She looked at me like I was mad. A bit angry, too. Not that I blame her, it's just...she can't understand how much this matters to me. I just want my friend back. Even if it's not the same as it was.

[puts a hand over his, but still doesn't say anything]

[looks up and smiles] And you're not like him, Sam. Don't worry. I don't...associate you two. You're a good person. I know you probably really couldn't care less if he died or something. I know I'm the only one who was upset by that. It's rude of me to ramble about this, isn't it? Always forget what's rude and what isn't. [pauses] I don't even care if this is the right thing to do. I just...need him. [slumps back and rubs his eyes tiredly] I don't think that's enough anymore.

How... how can you...?

Hm? What?

[shakes his head] Never mind.

What... happened, that it got like this?

[grins] We were thick, that's what. [grin fades and he rubs his jaw] We had a fight of the friendship ending variety. I said things I shouldn't have and he did stupid things in return. [clicks his tongue] He's...always been off. But not like this. Well, inside, yeah, maybe but...he was the best friend I could have asked for. By the time I saw him again, though, he'd already asserted his path. He wanted me on it with him but- [shakes his head] -I'm not that sort of person. So! I'd turn him down, he'd try again, there'd be deaths or traps or challenges, but I never said I wanted him back and, well...he got a bit bitter after that. [scratches his neck] Well! He kept killing and taking over planets and I kept fighting him.

[looks up, perhaps a bit startled, and rather oblivious to the implications of his words] It's all about you, then?

[mildly] Not to be arrogant but basically yes.

That's, uh... bit worrisome, actually. ...And you say you need him? Why?

Ah, well... [shifts and looks up] Gallifrey is gone. There aren't anymore Time Lords. Just me and him. Well, where we are, anyway. There's Romana and a few of us 'here', too. But...I dunno, I suppose your home and your species being taken away leads to some interesting thoughts. And when I found the Master again, I thought...maybe I had a second chance. Maybe this time things could be different. It's not as simple as starting over, of course. But it's something.

Then... is it really him you need?

[snorts] I wondered about it, trust me. But I do want him. He's brilliant, Sam! I could talk for hours with him, just debating things! He's...well, always said, it's a bit like we share a mind. It's a different level.

How much.... [frowns] If you think he's something worth fighting for, then you can't give up.

If you want to ask me something, you're welcome to. But! Well, I am fighting for it. Don't worry. But thank you.