realityshifted | (no subject)

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life on mars (d1) sam tyler

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[Suffering severe trauma leads to taking an holiday. Taking an holiday leads to intense boredom. And intense boredom leads to ~~the Dark Side~~ Sam Tyler in a waist apron]

Fumie, we're having pasta alla carbonara tonight.

And, uh, if anyone else is hungry... I have a lot of spare time right now. [muttered] Can't believe the satellite and the internet went out at the same time...

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[pauses, and then nods]

[smiles and flops down on the ground] Well, ball's in your court. Whatever you want to talk about that you think will help.

[sits and frowns, playing with the cuffs of his jacket] I don't...

Feels a bit awkward, this. It's hard to... start.

[shifts to sit cross-legged and props his head up in his hands, elbows on his knees] I just said the first thing I thought of that I keep bottled up.

[thumbs the leather of his boots for a moment, then glances up, tentative]

I... I'm not sure how much I want to leave this place, anymore. I want to go home - I want to see mum and Maya and Auntie Heather and everyone again, and I can't just... abandon who I was. I have responsibilities, back in 2006. But... I have responsibilities here, too. I...

[very quet]

I have people I love here, too.

[nods thoughtfully, rubbing his nose] Why can't you abandon who you were? [sounds honestly curious] Who are you now?

I have to wake up, Doctor. Some day, I have to wake up.

[pulls out his badge, turning it over] Was a DCI, in 2006. Lots of responsibility. Maya had - Maya and I were... having problems, in our relationship. Because I locked everything away. Because I didn't leave any room for 'gut instinct.' Because I buried myself in my work and gave up on everyting else.

[flips open the badge, reading over the warrant card] 'DI Sam Tyler.' 'Picky pain' second in command to DCI Gene Hunt. Nags and complains about following proper procedure. Only one in the department, except WDC Cartwright, who knows how to do paperwork. Insists on evidence and forensics to the point of driving his DCI into rages - sometimes does it just for fun. Has strange 'fits' of madness that everyone shrugs off, God knows why, but he's dead lucky, there. And even if he's called 'Gladys' and 'Dorothy,' even if he's pegged as girly and sissy, DI Tyler sticks to... to his morals and his ideas... sticks to 'the Hyde way' - they don't know the first thing about Hyde - though sometimes it costs him, and sometimes...

He's let some things go, Hunt's DI. He's... 'acclimatised' to his new era. Doesn't fit in right, but he lets his Guv hit about a suspect without complaint. Locks people into freezers to get confessions. Gets angry when suspects bring in attorneys and stop his team from pursuing their normal methods of interrogation. Drinks more than he's ever done, barely notices cigarette smoke... DI Sam Tyler isn't the same man that DCI Sam Tyler was.

Edited 2008-03-12 18:22 (UTC)

Point. [tilts his head back] Who's happier?

[looks up, startled] I don't...

[just raises his eyebrows slightly] Hm? Go on.

I don't know... [except, really he does, and his voice turns from lost to almost desperate] But it doesn't matter, does it? I have to wake up. I have to go back.

[gently] Of course it matters. But you have to go back because of your responsibilities, right?

Yes, it's... it's impossible to stay here. Anyway you look at it, I have to leave. I have to go back.

All right, so. You go back. You leave behind what makes you happy and your responsibilities here. Then what happens when you get home, Sam? [touches his shoulder and looks him in the eyes] That won't be a life.

I can't stay.

Sam, you're in control of whether or not you wake up. [gives his shoulder a squeeze and drops his hand] You can at least think about it. There's always a way.

I don't think there is, Doctor.

Ah, nothing is hopeless. Very few things are, anyway. I don't think your situation is one of those. Trust me, Sam.

[looks at him] Have you ever... pointlessly, stupidly tried to save someone? Because you need to help them?

There are cases that are hopeless, Doctor. There are criminals that will walk out and hurt people again and again, and there is nothing you can do to stop them. You have the evidence, you know they're guilty, but you can't send them down. There's a whole world of hopelessness out there, Doctor, and the only thing we can hope to do is hold it back from getting any worse.

[softly] I have. Loads of times. Probably more times than I can remember.

There are hopeless cases, yeah but... [frowns and looks up] I know how sick and torn the universe is. I saw that a long time ago. And every time I think I've done something to help someone, there's at least a hundred more people I failed. That doesn't mean you stop trying. It means you try harder. Hope is good to have, Sam. If you lose hope, you lose everything.

I'm going to lose it all anyway.

Sam. [shifts closer] Honestly, humans sometimes...Listen, it doesn't have to be that way. I'm going to help you. It would be good if you helped yourself, too.

What can I do?

Well, for starters, try not to be too fatalistic over it. We've got time to think. Just hold out some hope.

[looks down, and then, abruptly, back up at the Doctor] Your turn.