004 - If You Can't Beat 'Em...

[mercwamouth]

[Deadpool appears on the Plane at attention, saluting with his right hand. He's a little worse for wear. He's got a lot of cuts and bullet holes throughout his body, but even more in his clothes as the bullet wounds begin to heal. He lowers his hand and relaxes.]

OK, I guess now's a good time to take a breather after that unbelievable success.

[Success? What are you talking about? You just defected!]

[Well that's what he said to the Skrulls. Trust me, it's all part of the plan.]

[Right, and I guess getting schooled by a Super-Skrull was part of the plan too?]

Absolutely flawless.

[I scare me. And what makes you think the Skrulls will even let you defect? You just maimed some of their best soldiers and held a ranking officer at gunpoint!]

[It wasn't a REAL gun.]

[Even so, I have a bad feeling about this. Can we stay here for a while?]

[But last time you couldn't wait to leave.]

[If I knew our plan was to fight an entire platoon of Skrulls head on and then give up at the very end, I probably wouldn't have been so eager. I still don't like this place, it's just... mildly more tolerable than the alternative.]

Admit it... we like it here.

[Deadpool starts pacing and proceeds to pick out bullets to aid the healing factor while whistling "Put the Lime in the Coconut"]

Comments

[crowheaded.livejournal.com]

... Whoa, man, you got shot up bad.

[harmonixerdemon.livejournal.com]

Damn, you can heal that much that fast?

[contract_star]

...I take it it didn't go well?

[marthajonesmd.livejournal.com]

[uh...] I think you need medical attention.

[madamemoiselle]

Well, I would hope that you like it here. Ne, it's a good place to come if something bad happens at home, after all!

[mercwamouth]

[Plucks out a bullet, letting its wound close up]

...You should see the other guy.

[mercwamouth]

Once I healed my entire body from just a hand. This is no problem.

[mercwamouth]

Au contraire mon frere! It just so happens I have the Skrulls right where I want them.

[mercwamouth]

Why? So a doctor could look at me, see me miraculously heal, and then take all the credit and charge me $500?

God, I'm proud to be an American.

[mercwamouth]

...You showed me that, didn't you?

[marthajonesmd.livejournal.com]

[raised eyebrow] Yes, well, some countries have socialised health care, and that's really not the point, seeing as how you're bleeding all over the Plane. [Martha is not so good at paying attention sometimes]

[madamemoiselle]

I suppose so. It's not so bad, though. I think it would have been worse if I had stayed home and died alone, you know?

[mercwamouth]

What, so you want to get a doctor to come clean it up? Seems kind of like a waste of their talent, don't you think?

[Suddenly grabs his neck as though there was a sharp pain. He then places both of his hands on his head and quickly CRACKS it to the left, shaking out a few bullets in the process.]

Man, if I was more kid-friendly, all my enemies would be using lasers. I like lasers. So much cleaner.

[mercwamouth]

Yeah, we probably wouldn't be chatting here if you had.

[madamemoiselle]

That's true too, I guess. {Smiles} Ne, but what happened anyways? It looks like you came out of a war zone!

[mercwamouth]

You pretty much hit the nail on the head.

Fought off a platoon of Skrulls and now they're taking me hostage.

[The way I remember it you said you were "Reporting for duty"]

...In a manner of speaking.

[madamemoiselle]

Hostage? Ah, how scary! You'll be alright, right?

[mercwamouth]

I oughta be.

[What makes you so sure?]

[They tend not to cancel series after their second issue. Particularly when the first issue SELLS OUT! BOO-YAH!]

[madamemoiselle]

"Ought to" isn't very reassuring. But if bullets can't hurt you, then there shouldn't be too much to worry about, right? It's unlucky that they got stuck in you, though. It's always a pain to pull them out.

[mercwamouth]

They usually pop out on their own, but this is faster. Though the popping has this strange sense of satisfaction about it...

[madamemoiselle]

You think so? I'd rather they go all the way through. It hurts to pull them out or have them pushed out, for me.

[mercwamouth]

Going all the way through is pretty convenient. Plus if I'm standing in the right place, they'll hit someone behind me.

[madamemoiselle]

{Laughs} There's that too! Ne, but a...higher-caliber is better for that, if you're looking to hurt them. Then it'll go through you and through maybe two people.

[mercwamouth]

I like the way you think!

[madamemoiselle]

Mmm, well, it's just something I've always had to think about. Ah, not anymore, of course, but up until now, most people that knew I existed at all at home thought of me as a weapon. I've fought in several wars, assassinated lots of people...things like that.