004 - If You Can't Beat 'Em...

[mercwamouth]

[Deadpool appears on the Plane at attention, saluting with his right hand. He's a little worse for wear. He's got a lot of cuts and bullet holes throughout his body, but even more in his clothes as the bullet wounds begin to heal. He lowers his hand and relaxes.]

OK, I guess now's a good time to take a breather after that unbelievable success.

[Success? What are you talking about? You just defected!]

[Well that's what he said to the Skrulls. Trust me, it's all part of the plan.]

[Right, and I guess getting schooled by a Super-Skrull was part of the plan too?]

Absolutely flawless.

[I scare me. And what makes you think the Skrulls will even let you defect? You just maimed some of their best soldiers and held a ranking officer at gunpoint!]

[It wasn't a REAL gun.]

[Even so, I have a bad feeling about this. Can we stay here for a while?]

[But last time you couldn't wait to leave.]

[If I knew our plan was to fight an entire platoon of Skrulls head on and then give up at the very end, I probably wouldn't have been so eager. I still don't like this place, it's just... mildly more tolerable than the alternative.]

Admit it... we like it here.

[Deadpool starts pacing and proceeds to pick out bullets to aid the healing factor while whistling "Put the Lime in the Coconut"]

Comments

[mercwamouth]

...You showed me that, didn't you?

[madamemoiselle]

I suppose so. It's not so bad, though. I think it would have been worse if I had stayed home and died alone, you know?

[mercwamouth]

Yeah, we probably wouldn't be chatting here if you had.

[madamemoiselle]

That's true too, I guess. {Smiles} Ne, but what happened anyways? It looks like you came out of a war zone!

[mercwamouth]

You pretty much hit the nail on the head.

Fought off a platoon of Skrulls and now they're taking me hostage.

[The way I remember it you said you were "Reporting for duty"]

...In a manner of speaking.

[madamemoiselle]

Hostage? Ah, how scary! You'll be alright, right?

[mercwamouth]

I oughta be.

[What makes you so sure?]

[They tend not to cancel series after their second issue. Particularly when the first issue SELLS OUT! BOO-YAH!]

[madamemoiselle]

"Ought to" isn't very reassuring. But if bullets can't hurt you, then there shouldn't be too much to worry about, right? It's unlucky that they got stuck in you, though. It's always a pain to pull them out.

[mercwamouth]

They usually pop out on their own, but this is faster. Though the popping has this strange sense of satisfaction about it...

[madamemoiselle]

You think so? I'd rather they go all the way through. It hurts to pull them out or have them pushed out, for me.

[mercwamouth]

Going all the way through is pretty convenient. Plus if I'm standing in the right place, they'll hit someone behind me.

[madamemoiselle]

{Laughs} There's that too! Ne, but a...higher-caliber is better for that, if you're looking to hurt them. Then it'll go through you and through maybe two people.

[mercwamouth]

I like the way you think!

[madamemoiselle]

Mmm, well, it's just something I've always had to think about. Ah, not anymore, of course, but up until now, most people that knew I existed at all at home thought of me as a weapon. I've fought in several wars, assassinated lots of people...things like that.

[mercwamouth]

...Better a weapon than a lab rat.

[madamemoiselle]

Since I've been both, I have to agree.

[mercwamouth]

...So what are you up to these days?

[madamemoiselle]

Oh, not a whole lot. I've been trying to get an agent for modeling or singing, or something like that, but I haven't met one that I like yet. Otherwise...I've just been here, or at home. I'm living on my own, so it's different.

[mercwamouth]

Is it nice to leave all that messy stuff behind?

[madamemoiselle]

Maybe. It's not all gone, though. I've spent my whole life being a "monster", so that isn't going to change any time soon, to be honest.

Ah, but it's not like I'll be doing those kinds of things for other people just because anymore. Like since Hei is living with me now, we had to kill a few people chasing after them, but that's different. It's protecting what's mine.

[mercwamouth]

I'm not really in it for protection or whatever. I just figure if I'm gonna be a monster, someone might as well pay me for it.

[madamemoiselle]

Ah, you're a mercenary, that's right! I'd forgotten. Ne, but I've never really liked money. It's useful, but really, the things humans do to have it amazes me.

[mercwamouth]

It's not so amazing, they just know that money equals power in the human world. Money doesn't care if you're good or evil and everyone needs it.

[madamemoiselle]

No, it's amazing. People are willing to do the most horrible things for money, and even more for power. They think that it'll make them happy, but then once they have it, they realize they're miserable. It's their own fault.

{Simply} I have both of those things, but I'd trade them both if I could just live quietly and be loved.

[mercwamouth]

It's not about being happy. It's about being important.

People like us aren't given the choice to live happy lives. The sooner we accept that, the better off we'll be.

We can fall in love and pretend that we have a shot at normal happy lives, but it can't work because in the end, it's not what we were made to be.