004 - If You Can't Beat 'Em...

[mercwamouth]

[Deadpool appears on the Plane at attention, saluting with his right hand. He's a little worse for wear. He's got a lot of cuts and bullet holes throughout his body, but even more in his clothes as the bullet wounds begin to heal. He lowers his hand and relaxes.]

OK, I guess now's a good time to take a breather after that unbelievable success.

[Success? What are you talking about? You just defected!]

[Well that's what he said to the Skrulls. Trust me, it's all part of the plan.]

[Right, and I guess getting schooled by a Super-Skrull was part of the plan too?]

Absolutely flawless.

[I scare me. And what makes you think the Skrulls will even let you defect? You just maimed some of their best soldiers and held a ranking officer at gunpoint!]

[It wasn't a REAL gun.]

[Even so, I have a bad feeling about this. Can we stay here for a while?]

[But last time you couldn't wait to leave.]

[If I knew our plan was to fight an entire platoon of Skrulls head on and then give up at the very end, I probably wouldn't have been so eager. I still don't like this place, it's just... mildly more tolerable than the alternative.]

Admit it... we like it here.

[Deadpool starts pacing and proceeds to pick out bullets to aid the healing factor while whistling "Put the Lime in the Coconut"]

Comments

[contract_star]

...I take it it didn't go well?

[mercwamouth]

Au contraire mon frere! It just so happens I have the Skrulls right where I want them.

[contract_star]

...Right. Looks more like you've surrendered.

[mercwamouth]

What in the world would give you that idea?

[Laughs nervously]

[contract_star]

You were saluting, you're banged up, and now you're laughing nervously.

[mercwamouth]

[Damn you, Pat! You gave my emotions away!]

[Bwahahaha!]

...I didn't surrender so much as I... defected.

[contract_star]

...So...you joined the side of the aliens trying to wipe out humanity?

[mercwamouth]

...They don't want to wipe out humanity so much as... rule it and perhaps enslave it...

[contract_star]

...That's...kind of the same thing.

[mercwamouth]

...Well, so what? What has humanity done for me lately?

[contract_star]

[Mildly,] True. It was a very logical decision. [Pauses.] I probably would have done the same.

[mercwamouth]

...Well...good. 'Cause let me tell you, I owe those monkeys nothing.

[contract_star]

[Bright smile.] Aside from the craziness, you'd make a good Contractor.

[mercwamouth]

Nah. Don't really think I could pull off the OCD thing.

[contract_star]

Hm. True.