004 - If You Can't Beat 'Em...

[mercwamouth]

[Deadpool appears on the Plane at attention, saluting with his right hand. He's a little worse for wear. He's got a lot of cuts and bullet holes throughout his body, but even more in his clothes as the bullet wounds begin to heal. He lowers his hand and relaxes.]

OK, I guess now's a good time to take a breather after that unbelievable success.

[Success? What are you talking about? You just defected!]

[Well that's what he said to the Skrulls. Trust me, it's all part of the plan.]

[Right, and I guess getting schooled by a Super-Skrull was part of the plan too?]

Absolutely flawless.

[I scare me. And what makes you think the Skrulls will even let you defect? You just maimed some of their best soldiers and held a ranking officer at gunpoint!]

[It wasn't a REAL gun.]

[Even so, I have a bad feeling about this. Can we stay here for a while?]

[But last time you couldn't wait to leave.]

[If I knew our plan was to fight an entire platoon of Skrulls head on and then give up at the very end, I probably wouldn't have been so eager. I still don't like this place, it's just... mildly more tolerable than the alternative.]

Admit it... we like it here.

[Deadpool starts pacing and proceeds to pick out bullets to aid the healing factor while whistling "Put the Lime in the Coconut"]

Comments

[mercwamouth]

[Plucks out a bullet, letting its wound close up]

...You should see the other guy.

[crowheaded.livejournal.com]

[watches with some strange, morbid kind of fascination]

Looks like you don't have anything to worry about, though.

[mercwamouth]

Ooh, here comes the fun part!

[About half a dozen bullets all pop out simultaneously and clatter on the floor. Deadpool lets out a pleasurable sigh of relief.]

[crowheaded.livejournal.com]

[Ikki winces until it's over.]

...

That's so disturbing and cool.

[mercwamouth]

You ever been shot?

[crowheaded.livejournal.com]

... Not really. Had a sword through my leg though.

[mercwamouth]

Kinda feels like that only faster and it burns too.

[crowheaded.livejournal.com]

... Jeez. I've been shot with rubber bullets, but that's it. No one is stupid enough to give the WIND cops real bullets. Frickin' crocodile.

[mercwamouth]

Crocodile?

[Crikey!]

[crowheaded.livejournal.com]

Wanijima Kaito, the Shinjuku Crocodile. He dresses gay as fuck and he's trigger happy and obsessive, and someone thought he'd make a good cop. What the fuck.

[mercwamouth]

Didn't you know? The Police love trigger-happy and obsessive fruits! Mostly because they piss off people like you.

[crowheaded.livejournal.com]

Shit. [ROFL]

[mercwamouth]

Sucks, donit?

[crowheaded.livejournal.com]

Yup.

So what's goin' on in your world? [If Ikki made a superhero, he'd be like Deadpool. With wings. Thus, despite the weirdness, he still talks to him.]

[mercwamouth]

Want a play-by-play?

[crowheaded.livejournal.com]

Sure.

[mercwamouth]

OK, so there I am, dressed up in that mascot outfit, armed to the teeth, with a huge Skrull space ship trapped in the stadium.

So they let out a bunch of mooks. They get some good shots in and take a chip outta my skull, but I took 'em down. WRAAKK! Then their ship blows me away. CHOOM! CHOOM! CHOOM!

They go over to my mascot suit to check the remains, but all they find is the suit!

That's cause I'm actually on the roof of their space ship! OMG!

I set some explosives and blow off some of their ship KROOOOOM and trap their Super-Skrull.

...There's a Super-Skrull, by the way...

So then I parachute down to where the mooks were takin' a nap (5000 POINTS!) and find their commander.

...Then I put a gun to his head.

[crowheaded.livejournal.com]

[Ikki listens raptly. He'll ask for clarification later.]

Oh fuuuuck~

What then?

[mercwamouth]

[Our gun turned out to be fake, the Super-Skrull grabbed us by the throat, and then we defected to their side.]

...Well whattaya think happened? BANG!

[...Well, that is what it said on the paper that came out of the fake gun]

[crowheaded.livejournal.com]

Oh, come on. There's gotta be more to the story than that.

[mercwamouth]

[What do you know? He's NOT stupid.]

...Of course there is... I just... haven't finished it yet. Right after that, I decided to take a breather and come here. I'll let you know what happens next after I go back and finish the job.

[crowheaded.livejournal.com]

Riiiight. Okay.