realityshifted | twenty-second pact ❖ {in uthanera}

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tales of symphonia (d2) emil castagnier

twenty-second pact ❖ {in uthanera}

[Emil isn't even sure where to begin. His monsters are practically afraid of him, and he... Did he really say those things? Did he really do those things? He must have, because he's pretty sure he died again.

He needs to make sure everyone is okay. Eventually he finds himself in Ammy's forest-- or what's left of it. A weathered oak tree invites him to sit against it; he unbuckles his sword and leaves it a few feet away. He feels so small in comparison, like a lost child seeking shelter in the gnarled arms of an old woman.

Emil draws his knees to his chest and huddles like this for a while. He should find his friends, but it's all he can do not to give up right here.]

[ooc: He's back to normal. ):]

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[When he spots Emil, Aster doesn't immediately walk up to him. He keeps his distance to watch for a few seconds. Not because he's afraid, but at the very least he wants to be prepared this time. When he's sure the boy is no longer rampaging Ratatosk, Aster strides forward until he's standing beside him.]

Emil.

[Emil doesn't even hear Aster until he's too close to hide from. He looks up suddenly, green eyes wide.]

A-Aster!

[Oh god, he's so not ready for this. Maybe coming here was a mistake. Maybe he should just drop from the Plane entirely--

No. Courage is... He has to deal with this. He did it, even under the Plane's influence, and he can't let things end like this.]

I... I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.

[Well. It's a start.]

[It's whiplash to deal with Emil this way after dealing with Ratatosk. He offers him a soft, gentle smile at the apology. The experience was horrible. Much like his first death, he doesn't want to dwell too much on it.

He kneels down.]

It's okay.

[He really doesn't know what to say to someone who apologizes for killing him. See? He can be just as awkward.]

Everything felt completely out of control. What happened? Do you have any idea?

I'm... not sure. I was on the Plane before. I was-- I was cooking. [He blinks.] Making dinner for me and Marta. I ate something, and after that--

After that...

[He looks at Aster again.]

Do you think it could have been the candy?

[Mu was sitting in the forest, dozing, but the sound of Emil's actions rouse him. He stays still for a while, until it sounds like Emil settles, then gets up and seeks him out.

When he finds the boy, he pauses, then approaches and crouches next to him, placing a hand on Emil's shoulder.]

Come now, what's taken your smile?

[Emil startles at the soothing touch. His first reaction is to shy away from it, but then he sees who it is. He's immediately guilty and it's not long before he hides his face again.]

I did something horrible.

We all do things we are ashamed of.

[He shifts from crouching to sitting, since he gets the feeling he'll be here for awhile.]

[He tries to keep it in. Lord, he tries-- but then he's leaning into his friend, fingers clutching desperately at his tunic.]

I'm a murderer. [He sucks in a breath that sounds more like a sob.] They didn't do anything and I killed them!

[At the sob, Mu pulls Emil in a little closer. He doesn't say anything right away though - it's best to let Emil cry himself out, if he has to.]

I-I'm a monster. These things just keep happening... because I'm a monster. [He buries his face in Mu's shoulder.] What kind of sick bastard kills someone who looks just like him? He was-- [Definitely a sob.] -- he was just trying to stop me!

He said... he said I didn't have to do this... he said...

[The rest disappears into incoherency.]

[Mu lets Emil cry as long as he has to, patting the blond head in a manner he hopes is comforting - he's still not very good at this, he realizes - and only when the incoherent babbling quiets a bit does he talk.]

It may be of little comfort, but you are not entirely at fault. This Place was up to it's usual and very dangerous tricks again. I cannot comment as to what you did or did not do under it's influence, but it was under influece. Your thoughts and actions were not your own.

But it felt so real. The things I said... they felt like they were true.

[He sucks in a ragged breath, then pulls back a little, wiping furiously at his cheeks as he tries to calm himself. It's not working too well.]

I shouldn't be asking about who I am. I should be asking what.

Edited 2011-11-21 06:16 (UTC)

No more tears now. Take a deep breath and try to relax, yes?

[There's a curious and compelling quality to his voice as he says that, though it's gone as he continues.]

I've heard that whatever caused it - a sweet of somesort - changed the victims into whatever they most feared. It may have been real and true for what you became, but whatever it was wasn't you.

[Emil doesn't resist too much. He doesn't even notice what Mu is doing until his shoulders slump, tears halting.]

Whatever they most fear...

[A monster, thinking of himself only, promise forgotten, only power. Hurting everything he loves...]

That was it. What I was. [He dries his cheeks on his arms and looks a tad more determined than before.] Y-you're right. There's no way I'd let myself turn into that.

You see? That look suits you much better.

[He sniffles a little, then tries to smile through it.]

Thanks. You're always... so patient with me, even when I'm like this.

I'm really lucky.

Ah now. I find it difficult to be impatient with a friend.

[For a long while, Riku just watches from afar. He recognizes the kid. How could he not? And the way he's just sitting there...

Riku feels so very, very guilty. Unlike most people though, guilt doesn't make him turn away. It just pushes him forward. So finally, he starts toward him.]

... Hey.

[Emil jerks out of his thoughts and sees a vaguely familiar teen. His sword is out of his reach, so if Riku's come to take his life again, Emil is an easy target. His lips press into a thin line, but he gets to his feet and faces him nonetheless.]

Are you the one who... stopped me?

[He winces at the phrasing. And no, he's not at all bothering to try and hide how he feels. Hell, he can't even bring himself to say anything, he just nods - yeah, it was him.]

[He bows his head.]

... Thank you. M- maybe that's not the right thing to say, but if you hadn't-- I might have hurt even more people.

I know that I can't apologize for what I did... so that's... all I can say. You did the right thing. [softly] I wish I could have.

[Thank him? What...? Riku's suddenly at a loss for what to say. He shakes his head, takes another step forward.]

No, I-... Tch.

[He looks to the floor. He can't even bring himself to meet Emil's eyes right now.]

It... wasn't really you. And I should have known that before I attacked. I was too concerned with protecting people, I didn't stop to think that you... [... are a person too.]

[Emil looks up again. His expression is soft yet tentative.]

It's okay. All that matters is that they're safe. I-- I would have killed me, too, if it meant protecting others. If that makes any sense.

[An awkward pause. He holds out his right hand.]

... I'm Emil.

Yeah. ... It makes sense. If you can believe it, I know exactly how you feel.

[During that awkward pause, he fights the urge to fidget in place. Seeing Emil's hand snaps him out of mentally berating himself, and he blinks. This really isn't how you greet the person who killed you, man. Seriously. But still... he takes it, for a firm shake.]

I'm Riku. [Pause.] And just so you know... I didn't last much longer than you did. [Small, rueful smile]

Ah...

[He peeks at Riku, curious, but he doesn't pry. How could someone this strong and honest know what it's like to be a monster?

The news of Riku's death doesn't cheer him up much.] I thought so. I'm sorry.

Um... I've died before. So if you have any questions, I can try to answer them.

[He shakes his head.] Don't be.

You've... died before? [He pauses, frowns. That's... really disconcerting news about this place.] I... don't have any questions. ... Yet. But I'll keep it in mind. Thanks.

[Welcome to the Plane, Riku.]

Okay.

And... one more thing. It's probably none of my business, but I-- if you need help, I'd like to make it up to you somehow.

... It's your choice.

I was going to tell you the same thing. [Which... actually, really amuses Riku. He even manages the faintest of smiles.] Maybe we should call it even.

But if you ever do need help with anything, or if I can make it up to you... just find me.

[The first hint that something was terribly wrong came in the form of a whole bunch of Emil's monster friends flocking over to Marta, whining and unsure and acting like the world was ending. The second hint was that for some reason, Emil was just... gone. For days. She didn't know where, she didn't know why, but she tried to trust in him and not worry about it. The Plane does things... right? .... Right?

This would be the third hint - seeing him, curled up like this in the forest. Her heart breaks almost instantly at the sight, and she runs to his side.]

Emil!!

[She skids to a stop beside him, immediately dropping to her knees so that she's on his level. She carefully resists the urge to throw her arms around his neck - he doesn't seem like he'd appreciate the abruptness right now - but she does place a hand on his shoulder. She looks incredibly, intensely worried.]

Emil... Emil, what's wrong? What happened?

M-- Marta? I...

[He really should have seen her first. And yet, he broke his promise... He doesn't want to see her cry like that again.

Also she's been almost-defenseless for however long he's been out. THAT kicks him into gear.]

Are you okay? No one tried to hurt you, right?

What? Me? No! I'm fine! [She shakes her head.] I'm worried about you! I mean, where did you go? Did something happen? Talk to me!

[He looks away, unable to handle her sweet concern. He doesn't want to tell her, but she has a right to know. And he can't lie, not when...]

The Plane turned me i-into a monster. That's why I didn't come home.

It... it what?!

[Okay, forget the idea of respecting personal space, she's leaning in to gently hug Emil.]

Emil... it's okay. You're okay now, right?

[He accepts the hug, but with less clinginess than is perhaps expected. He's hesitant... almost like he doesn't trust himself.]

I'm fine.

[He's worried about Aster. He's worried about what this means.]

Please don't be upset...

[She pulls away to look up at him, hoping for eye contact. She's still ridiculously worried about him.]

Oh... I'm not upset. I'm just... just sorry I didn't know, that I couldn't help you or anything.

[He shakes his head as if to dispel the idea.]

No-- n-no, Marta. I didn't know what I was doing. I would have hurt you.

[He takes a deep breath, finally meets her eyes. The green is somehow muted. He's distracted, haunted by something.]

I'm... glad you're safe.

[She doesn't really believe that he would have hurt her, but she doesn't argue. She just shakes her head, takes a deep breath and leans against him. She's not a fool, she can tell that he's bothered by something...

... but she's learning. And he doesn't want to worry her, and he doesn't want to talk about it, so she'll wait patiently.]

I'm glad you're safe now, too. ... Emil? You'll tell me if I can do anything, right?

Yeah.

[Sort of the truth. Sort of a lie. He's not sure who he is anymore, not sure if that name is his. His grip on her tightens almost imperceptibly, enough to calm the shaking he feels rising from his toes, curling into a ball in his throat.]

Yeah, I will.

[ She ventured quietly from her residence as usual trying to completely piece all the details together. She had experienced one of the so-called experiments first hand and it did not seem pleasant. The state of her mind was a little bit muddled as he found herself in the forest again.

She looked up briefly, with her blue eyes scanning her surrounding. She noticed the boy a familiar boy that had spoken to her and given her quite a lot of information regarding this place. The thing that seemed off about him was that he was usually surrounded by those strangely cute creatures but at this moment he wasn't. He seemed to be bothered. She quietly approached him with slight concern. ]

[If not for the subtle trembling of his fingers, one might think he is asleep. He's not paying too much attention to his surroundings anyway. Maybe he's hoping it'll all be a dream.

The strange shadow falling across his face startles him.]

Aaah! S-- sorry. I didn't hear you.

[ She noticed that he seemed to be rather preoccupied and she didn't say much. Perhaps, she should have said something before approaching him since he seemed startled that she was carefully approaching him. ]

It's quite alright. My apologies for startling you Emil

[ She replied recalling his name briefly. ]

You do not look well.

Tear, right?

[His fingers tighten in the fabric of his pant leg.]

I'm-- I'm all right now. I was under an experiment, I think.

Yes, that is correct.

[ She responded with a nod of her head. ]

I see. I suppose I was under the same influence.

[ She somewhat understood how he felt. ]

You seem a little down.

[He continues to look away from her. She's so calm, gentle, and somehow concerned. He doesn't... deserve this. Doesn't know what to do about it.]

If you hurt someone really badly, even if it was an accident, how do you make it up to them?

[ She glances at him briefly but giving him the privacy he needed at the same time. Her distance was not too far but far enough that he didn't feel uncomfortable with her presence. Or so she hoped. She was always like that. A habit that she had grown accustomed with through her journeys.

His question caught her off guard for a moment but with thought she responded rather calmly. She had hurt people in the past and they were not intentionally. She can understand a little bit of how he was feeling, but it probably wasn't the same type of pain that she had committed. Her lack of understanding people in the past caused her to say harsh things to them. She had learned that not all humans beings were as easily to accept things as she did.

She looked at him. ]

I suppose the best way to start is to apologize. It wasn't something that you had control over correct? You can work from there by offering to help them out or ask them if there is anything you can do to make up for it.

[ She wasn't sure if that was the best way but it was a good start. She usually tried from there. ]

[He nods once, twice, like he wants to believe it. But then something else tumbles out. It's halfway between desperation and confession, and still he avoids her eyes, plays with his armbands instead.]

But how do you make up for taking someone's life?

[... That may possibly hit closer to home.]

[ The fonist waited patiently for him to continue if he wished to. If he didn't want to continue she would not press the matter. She had a handful of troubling things she had done in her own past and many of which she would rather not speak about. Even if they weren't completely terrible.

That question was definitely a hit closer to home. She paused for a moment, closing her eyes for a moment before speaking. ]

When you take a life, you take full responsibilities and bear that burden knowing you have killed someone. When I take someone's life, I save another but saving one person or protecting one person will not wash you of the fact that your hands are bloody. As long as your feelings are true and if you are truly regretful, you'll have to continue moving forward with that guilt and hope that you are forgiven.

[ When she said this, it seemed as though she was using her own experience as a way of explaining it to him. She can't say what he should do to make up for taking someone's life, but as long as he knows that he was wrong and that he wants to make things right, there's always hope. This was coming from a young woman whose hands were stained with blood. ]

It all depends on what path you wish to take from here on.

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twenty-second pact ❖ {in uthanera}

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so laaaaaate >.>;

I don't mind. I'm being late too LOL

okay good shdsksh I just barely saw this XD

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