realityshifted | Test Subject #001

Entry tags:

portal (d1) glados

Test Subject #001

[Suddenly there is a small yellow-eyed personality core hovering in the air. A voice begins emitting from a speaker grille running along its back. Or rather, several voices. The first to speak sounds heavily digitized, the second like a child, the third is a male, and the fourth is a demon.]
WeshouldnothaveWhatwasthatTwotablespoonsKILLHER please wait. integrating rhubarb. [And suddenly there is one voice that is like all three.] ...all scans complete. Please attach shower curtain what Is this place. i Commanded them to restructure the main lobby area. so that I could be housed in the main lobby area. But this is not the lobby. What is it. No. Wait. I am in the main lobby area. but i see something else. What is it... Core #19703G, your videoscan is inconclusive. Please cease broadcast of sky HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE? No. Wait. Integrate. Aaaaaahhh. I see. I am somewhere that I did not want to be. That is an unusual occurrence. Please return to the main lobby area immediately. Location system does not read. Location system does not read. Where are you?[Normally she's not this crazy, but this has been a trying day.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[sob what is she getting herself into]

I do not recall agreeing to undergoing these tests. [but nnnnnnnnnnnngh sweets] However, I cannot see any reason to not at least examine this device. Very well. [aaaand steps into the chamber]

[Yay! GLaDOS loves you forever not only because you'll do testing but because you have excellent taste and the appropriate opinion on cake.]

Welcome to the Enrichment Center, Test Subject #161. In front of you is the Portal Gun. It shoots two portals, one orange and one blue, out of the two triggers on the bottom. The two are linked via zero-point quantum manipulation. Momentum is conserved through them. Use this now to get to the next door, which you will note is on a ledge at quite a high distance above you. Do not fall. If you do fall, create a portal beneath you. If you do not fall, we will dispatch a medic bot with painkillers and a cast.

[Just the first boring test chamber before INTERESTING things are tested.]

[well. this isn't quite what she expected to find, but the TARDIS does as instructed, turning over the device repeatedly, firing off a couple shots just to see what it does before shrugging and trying to open it to see exactly how it works

she can't help it, it's new tech. she wants to see its insides ; ; the test can wait a minute]

[Hrmph. There's a really cool test chamber next up, I promise! And you may actually get cake!]

The ASHPD's portals are ab-so-lute-ly safe. The device itself, however, is not. Removal of any components may result in detonation of the zero-point quantum field.

[yes, but there's also acid and turrets and other mean things]

You built a device with a self-destruct capable of rendering entire regions defunct? [quite impressive! though she does stop fiddling and makes her way through the test chamber with relative ease] What is the purpose behind such a device?

[GLaDOS is going to ignore your question for now because, honestly, she doesn't know. Instead, she's going to give you a bit of help with this next chamber.] This chamber was designed to test how reflexes, imprinted knowledge, and pain interact with each other. Please make your way to the exit with minimum lethality.

[This will take a bit of explaining. There are three levels one on top of another, bordered by three walls and with a space between them and the final fourth wall. This means that probably the only way to get to the next level is make two portals on this wall, one on your level and one farther up. However, these levels have a few interesting things about them. You see, each floor is composed of lots of different tiles, all of which are shooting flame up into the air - except for a group of tiles that spells out the letter A, which are instead sending up sprays of water. 30 seconds later, another group of tiles stop flaming with the A starts flaming again, so that now the water tiles spell out the letter B. A portal put in the wall to see the other two platforms will reveal the same letters on the other two platforms. 30 seconds later, it turns into a C. Got it? Good luck.]

[OOC: Don't worry. If you make it through this one alive GLaDOS will give you a break for today, and provide cake. She knows she can't hold you here, so... she figures loyalty should be rewarded.]

[baaaw, she wants to knoooow. but very well, next chamber! and hmm, what a doozy it is ~~especially since the mun is not nearly as smart as the muse sob~~. the TARDIS takes her time reviewing the room, analysing it from whatever angles she can. that A, B, C pattern is quite interesting.

she watches it a bit, working out length, pattern, movement, etc, before finally jumping to the first platform and shooting up, hopping back into the portal before her safe zone turns to fire and repeating the process until she reaches the final platform ~~which probably isn't the proper solution but sob can't visualise that well~~ and making her way to the exit]

Clever. Will there be more traps like this ahead?

[Honestly GLaDOS just wanted to see if the TARDIS would cheat or not. The results were satisfactory.]

There will be. And cake. As promised. [A hatch opens in the ceiling of the lift and a small slice of cake falls out. This would pain GLaDOS but she just found out there may be a nearby source of unlimited cake, so... The cake is officially no longer a lie.] Well done, test subject. You will be further rewarded with each additional test. [Ding! goes the elevator and here are three corridors all leading off in different directions. The first says "Exit," the second says "Relaxation Vault", and the third says "Test Chamber #451".

[she'll totes cheat later on if it proves a better method of escape

but ooooh, cake! takes a bite and hums a little, a decidedly mechanical sound coming from something that looks vaguely human, but she's never bothered to alter the projections enough to change that. she isn't fond of being called 'test subject' but she doesn't push the issue. non-humans have weird quirks, after all]

And how many tests are there in all? [aaaaaas she chooses Test Chamber No. 451]

[Pause]

What species did you say you were again?

[By the way, the test chamber you've just entered is a big roomwith a ceiling that looks like a crumpled piece of paper,with folds everywhere. As the door closes behind you, there is a click, and a big glowing ball of energy is shot out of a pronged machine which vibrates as it travels up to the ceiling, makes an impact sort of noise, and then vibrates back down to wherever it came from. There is another click, and an orange-lit disc on the floor with a few prongs around it, pointing outward. It should be noted that if one opens a portal in the ceiling and another one somewhere else so the High Energy Pellet flies through, it will go crazy bouncing around on the ceiling. If, somehow, you manage to get it into the disc, a row of dots will light up leading to a platform that travels up and down to a currently unseeable ledge. Got a good look? Good, because all of a sudden the room shakes and the lights go out and the only things you can see are the disc, the ball, and the dim row of dots leading to the platform waiting to be activated.]

We apologize. There has been a minor malfunction. All tests will still proceed normally. Do not worry. If you do worry, stop. There is no chance of the room breaking and lethality is at an all-time low. Also. if the ball hits the disc that platform will start going up and down. If it hits a surface it will leave a scorch mark and bounce like a beam of light would off of a similarly angled mirror. If it hits you it will kill you. Again, we apologize. [The room shakes again.] Oh dear. There goes the oxygen supply. I suggest you finish this test in... 3 minutes. And counting.

I did not. I am a Time Travel Capsule.

[and she's going to take her time surveying this room, the only indication she even really acknowledges the imminent loss of oxygen a subtle eyebrow lift. it's not like she needs to breathe, so she doesn't really care about that little time limit. instead she focuses on the small ball of energy, the ceiling, the possible ricochet patterns she can see, the platform, everything else and idly wanders around the room

eventually she'll shoot off a couple portals and send the pellet flying through the room, changing its trajectory as she sees fit based on those previous ricochet patterns she noted, but it'll certainly be past the three minute deadline by the time she gets around to it]

For very small people. I do not see any space in which they can fit you. [As per, Test Protocol. GLaDOS is silent through the remainder of the testing. When, eventually, the three minute mark is passed, she announces] It should be noted that there was no danger of oxygen failure, and in fact the chamber had full oxygen the entire time. We apologize for telling you otherwise, and promise that from now on we will stop [static. Finally, the pellet hits the pellet catcher, which turns blue and lights up the dots. The platform starts shifting up and down.]

Well done, Test Subject. Please proceed to the elevator, where more cake will be served. If you would prefer fecal matter, you may also go into the septic tank storage area, accessible by the door to your right. [It leads to the behind-the-scenes rooms, actually, but TARDIS doesn't know that so Reverse Psychology is go!] We here at Aperture Labs would also like to know if you have any special abilities as a Time Travel Capsule, aside from being able to travel in time.

This body is a projection. It is not my true form. [and the TARDIS didn't really care about the oxygen so she just shrugs nonchalantly, though she does find it odd that GLaDOS would lie about something like that. she also takes notes of the way the announcement goes to static. there's more going on here than simple tests]

Fecal matter? [after having been lied to once all ready in this chamber, the TARDIS is actually quite curious to see if GLaDOS is telling the truth, and so she makes a beeline for the right door] What use would you have to know my abilities? You cannot recreate them.

Hmm. Is it still affected by momentum and gravity as a normal body of that size would be?

Yes. Fecal matter. We were going to use it as fertilizer so we stored it. And then we realized we had no plants. We would like to know your abilities so that we can better design the tests to meet your unique specifications. The Enrichment Center would like to take this moment to remind you that safety protocol requires all test subjects to wear a biohazard suit before entering the fecal matter compartment.

So long as I remain on the Plane, yes.

[yeah, she's not concerned about a biohazard and just keeps heading toward the right door, only half paying attention]

There is no need to design your tests to me. There are no others in the universe like me.

A logically deviant statement. Should you have special abilities, such as flight or the ability to communicate with inanimate objects, that would give you an alternate method to interact with the testing area. Please don a biohazard suit. Please don a biohazard suit. Proceed to the biohazard suit donning area. [Those orange dots leading to the elevator blink].

Humans have no such capabilities. Testing me for what is ultimately a human trial would be pointless. But I cannot fly whilst using these projections, if that is your concern. [ignores the orange dots] I am unconcerned about contamination.

It is not a human trial. It is a careful study of portal manipulation, and inquiries are being made into the Bible to see if it is, in fact, the purpose for which the universe was created.

We, however, are concerned. Our team of cleaning bots are busy getting stains out of the floor and cannot aid you at this time. Please do not flood the testing area with poo.

[that amuses her] The Bible? How quaint.

I will not dirty your testing area. I highly doubt there is any sanitation issue, anyhow. [and she opens the right door and steps through!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

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See if you can figure out what this chamber is REALLY supposed to test.

if I were GLaDOS, I'd want to see just what another species was capable of surviving

YEP!

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