Test Subject #001

[tier-3.livejournal.com]

[Suddenly there is a small yellow-eyed personality core hovering in the air. A voice begins emitting from a speaker grille running along its back. Or rather, several voices. The first to speak sounds heavily digitized, the second like a child, the third is a male, and the fourth is a demon.] 
WeshouldnothaveWhatwasthatTwotablespoonsKILLHER please wait. integrating rhubarb. [And suddenly there is one voice that is like all three.] ...all scans complete. Please attach shower curtain what Is this place. i Commanded them to restructure the main lobby area. so that I could be housed in the main lobby area. But this is not the lobby. What is it. No. Wait. I am in the main lobby area. but i see something else. What is it... Core #19703G, your videoscan is inconclusive. Please cease broadcast of sky HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE? No. Wait. Integrate. Aaaaaahhh. I see. I am somewhere that I did not want to be. That is an unusual occurrence. Please return to the main lobby area immediately. Location system does not read. Location system does not read. Where are you?[Normally she's not this crazy, but this has been a trying day.]

Comments

[collector]

[That sounds... extremely damaged. Well then.]

Hello.

[Braxiatel puts his hands in his pockets in the hope of not scaring the... the thing. It looks to him a bit like a robot porter, but without the smiley face.]

You seem a bit out of sorts. Can I help you?

Ugh. Forgot to use the 'reply to this' button' instead of a new comment.

[tier-3.livejournal.com]

[The eye swivels madly for a moment before settling on Brax. The voice that emerges seems a bit... well, frazzled. And it's talking really fast.] Whoare you? yourenot a testsubject. idon't rememberyou. where isthis?

[collector]

[Braxiatel lifts one eyebrow] I should hope you don't remember me. I don't think we've ever met. This is called the Astral Plane, and I'm Irving Braxiatel. How do you?

['Not very well' by the sound of it, but manners before accuracy.]

[tier-3.livejournal.com]

I... I am...
Please assist data recovery by explaining why this unit is not inside Aperture Science Laboratories. Failure to comply may result in dismissal, death, or insult.

[collector]

[The other eyebrow decides to match its partner. Symmetry is important. Mildly,] Well, I couldn't survive an insult. I can transfer the data I have on this place to storage device. What types do you take?

[tier-3.livejournal.com]

[Relief is evident in the voice. We know this one!]
All Aperture Science Disk-Operating systems can interface by USB, AIDS, CD, DVD, floppy-disk, and neurosurgical implants. Raw wires will be provided for other interfaces.

[collector]

[Braxiatel opts to ignore some of those options, smiling at the hovering robot thing.]

Let's go with USB. If you'll excuse me a moment? I don't actually have the data on me. [A brief laugh.] That would be preparation to a ridiculous degree, don't you think?

[tier-3.livejournal.com]

Or visions of the future.

[collector]

[His smile becomes even smoother, because somehow, that was even creepier than the odd voice and the random death threats.]

Or a very good processor and a great deal of data for input. One moment.

[Braxiatel disappears from the Astral Plane, returning with a small USB flash drive from around the early 21st century. It only has the information available on this brochure, but it puts it all in computer-friendly format, without the excesses in words needed for human understanding. It is simply raw data.]

[He holds it out to the personality core]

That should help to start.

[tier-3.livejournal.com]

[One thing machines are really good at: reaction time. In about a two and a half seconds, the device has been seized, connected, scanned, removed, and returned. And then it overloads. Hear that noise? That's a ka-BOOM noise. ]

[...shortly afterwards, a new drone identical to the old one appears out of an unnoticeable hatch in the ground marked 'Septic Tank' that does not lead to a septic tank and is probably better to avoid. It zooms across the landscape until it reaches Braxiatel. Its voice is shaky.]

This must be falsified. There is no way that I could have...

Oh.

I see.

[A voice that has a distinctive radio-scratch comes out of the drone.] Note to all drones: Area marked 102AE33CF is now designated "Aperture Science Test Subject Supplier"
and registered under the Enrichment Center's appliances. Test Subject #156 is termed Braxiatel. [This done, the voice resumes its usual digitized quality.] Test Subject #156. What species are you?

[collector]

[Braxiatel decides to respond to this rather alarming display with his trademark mild indifference.]

Benny does keep telling me not to talk to strange technology.

[He slips the device back into his pocket, meeting the personality core's eye levelly. On the bright side, it's not an actual Monoid.] Now that's not very fair, is it? You haven't told me your designation or even what type of machine you are.

[tier-3.livejournal.com]

I - [Now more calm, GLaDOS remembers Herself and her purpose. And her skills.] I am a friendly machine designed to help people with their tests. [If the robot could smile, it would look sincere. It is true, after all.] My name is GLaDOS. What are you?

[collector]

[He can match that absence of a robot smile with his own, visible smile. It's just as sincere ]

I am a collector who aims to preserve the past and in doing so safeguard the future. But that isn't what I was asking you. I'm afraid I'm not familiar with your make. [Thinking of the robot porters (specifically, Joseph) and watching the replacement core pop up has reminded him of the People of the Worldsphere.] Am I right to assume that what is before me is a remote drone of some sort, and that your actual physical self is elsewhere?

[tier-3.livejournal.com]

Aperture Lab-or-a-tor-ies are not designed with selves. I-iiii [Stutter there, Ms. Non-Individual?] ii am GLaDOS, Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System, model v.3.11, code #081-324-56. You will ac [static]
If it so pleases you, ac
company this model to the testing area. What species are you.

[collector]

[There's a slight frown as Braxiatel pays attention to the placement of the conjunction in GLaDOS's name. Grammar: it's important for your understanding of somewhat damaged robots.]

What makes you ask, GLaDOS?

This formatting take forever!

[tier-3.livejournal.com]

[Heh. It'll tell you it means that it is a Genetic Lifeform that operates Disk Systems. Keep in mind, though, that nothing genetic about it has been found...]

All Test Subjects must be classified. If information pertaining to 102AE33CF is true
then there is only a 43.56% pro-ba-bi-li-ty that you are human. What species are you.

I do not at all envy you it!

[collector]

[Braxiatel is definitely not willing to give any information yet. Though, it does occur to him that he probably shouldn't be playing with a machine that already seems a bit unstable.]

That high, really? How will you know if I lie?

B: Lower and accented. I: higher and quicker

[tier-3.livejournal.com]

We will just have to take it on trust. [Actually, there are lie-detectors back in the Center.] Yes, that high. The probability of human-analogous species evolving in all parallel dimensions

is much lower, but limited to a particular brainset and physics index is 43.56%. Why do you not want me to know what race you are.

Thank you! You are doing REALLY well getting the effect across, by the way.

[collector]

[He smiles his half-amused smile.]

Perhaps my people have sworn me to secrecy. Or perhaps I'm just playing with you. Are you programmed for play, GLaDOS? I've never met a happy machine who wasn't.

Thanks! First time, doing this sort of thing, so...

[tier-3.livejournal.com]

Of course. Thecakeisalie. Standard procedures. There has been a miscalculation in the matrix. I am better suited for playing with you. [Which prompts a change of topic!] You wish to preserve the past? I think you should see a very important artifact. It is Earth's first wholly successful four-dimensional quantum tunneler device.

So far, so good. ♥

[collector]

[Without a change in expression]

Is it? Who created it?

[He knows there isn't anything to read in the core for expression - anything he can get would have to be out of the voice - but that won't stop him from scrutinizing the model.]

Would you mind terribly if I made a closer inspection of you? Only I do so love to examine at unfamiliar technology. It's so rare for me to find any.

[tier-3.livejournal.com]

The Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device was manufactured
by the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device manufacturing commitee, a group of the Aperture Science Lab-o-ra-to-ry. You may inspect this unit as you wish if you answer a question that I ask you
and the question that I ask you is what is the size limit on inorganic substances brought over.

[collector]

As far as I know, there isn't a size limit. Assuming that the inorganic matter is non-sentient, of course. The Technocult would have my head if I dared to suggest that sentience was limited to organic beings. And I imagine Joseph would be rather irritated at me as well, in his way.

[tier-3.livejournal.com]

Testing pro-to-col now. [A pause, followed by a MASSIVE amount of static during which the sphere falls to the ground, which cuts off as suddenly as it began.] Coreect. Please accompany me
for inspection of units and quantum tunneller device.

[The sphere starts rolling along the ground in a steady manner, easily enough to keep up with. Keep talking until you decide we've gotten there, at which point you will see a strange-looking tower about the size of a small house poking out of the ground. There is a door in the side with no handle, lock, or keypad. Drones are crawling over the tip and gradually dissolving inside.]

[collector]

[Braxiatel follows after the sphere for now at the pace of a nonchalant stroll. As his normal nonchalant stroll is equal to most people running (no one knows how) he opts to slow it down. No need to rush into what could be a very unhappy ending.]

Oh, dear. This really is more Bernice's sort of thing. Excuse me, GLaDOS, but I can't imagine why I have to follow you anywhere. The unit I wish to inspect is right in front of me.