Test Subject #001

[tier-3.livejournal.com]

[Suddenly there is a small yellow-eyed personality core hovering in the air. A voice begins emitting from a speaker grille running along its back. Or rather, several voices. The first to speak sounds heavily digitized, the second like a child, the third is a male, and the fourth is a demon.] 
WeshouldnothaveWhatwasthatTwotablespoonsKILLHER please wait. integrating rhubarb. [And suddenly there is one voice that is like all three.] ...all scans complete. Please attach shower curtain what Is this place. i Commanded them to restructure the main lobby area. so that I could be housed in the main lobby area. But this is not the lobby. What is it. No. Wait. I am in the main lobby area. but i see something else. What is it... Core #19703G, your videoscan is inconclusive. Please cease broadcast of sky HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE? No. Wait. Integrate. Aaaaaahhh. I see. I am somewhere that I did not want to be. That is an unusual occurrence. Please return to the main lobby area immediately. Location system does not read. Location system does not read. Where are you?[Normally she's not this crazy, but this has been a trying day.]

Comments

[collector]

[That sounds... extremely damaged. Well then.]

Hello.

[Braxiatel puts his hands in his pockets in the hope of not scaring the... the thing. It looks to him a bit like a robot porter, but without the smiley face.]

You seem a bit out of sorts. Can I help you?

Ugh. Forgot to use the 'reply to this' button' instead of a new comment.

[tier-3.livejournal.com]

[The eye swivels madly for a moment before settling on Brax. The voice that emerges seems a bit... well, frazzled. And it's talking really fast.] Whoare you? yourenot a testsubject. idon't rememberyou. where isthis?

[collector]

[Braxiatel lifts one eyebrow] I should hope you don't remember me. I don't think we've ever met. This is called the Astral Plane, and I'm Irving Braxiatel. How do you?

['Not very well' by the sound of it, but manners before accuracy.]

[tier-3.livejournal.com]

I... I am...
Please assist data recovery by explaining why this unit is not inside Aperture Science Laboratories. Failure to comply may result in dismissal, death, or insult.

[collector]

[The other eyebrow decides to match its partner. Symmetry is important. Mildly,] Well, I couldn't survive an insult. I can transfer the data I have on this place to storage device. What types do you take?

[tier-3.livejournal.com]

[Relief is evident in the voice. We know this one!]
All Aperture Science Disk-Operating systems can interface by USB, AIDS, CD, DVD, floppy-disk, and neurosurgical implants. Raw wires will be provided for other interfaces.

[horriblyevil.livejournal.com]

Wow.

[Plainclothes Billy is like a kid in a candy store when he feasts his eyes on GLaDOS's synthetic self. His shining face flinches a little when the weird ... robot... thing speaks about killing, and for a moment he wonders whether it's best to approach it too fast.]

Hey there, buddy-- Huh. You're a little mixed up, aren't you? The trans-dimensional warping scrambled your systems, I guess.

[The temptation is too great. Besides, so long as the robot isn't programmed to destroy humans on sight, he was in the clear, right? And it's not like Billy intends to touch it and tempt fate. He takes a tentative step closer, his neck outstretched to examine the new bot from as many angles as he can glimpse. The technology's fantastic, fascinating, unlike anything he's seen before. Oh, how he would love to work with it in his lab! He fixates on the glowing orb in the center, wondering what on earth that power source could be. It didn't look like wonderflonium.

Billy goes on musing to himself. He doesn't seem to expect that the machine will give him any kind of response; after all, the robot's defective, isn't it? Busted? Rattling off mildly coherent strings of speech?]

Wonder who could've built something like you?

Bold: Lower and accented. Italicized: Higher and quicker.

[tier-3.livejournal.com]

[Blinkblink. PANIC!]
Can transdimensional transference scramble code?!!! Sysconfig ipconfig aidsconfig 4dconfig checkdir finddir checkdir No. The Aperture Science traveling core
is still fully func-tion-al. [/panictime] I am very sorry about my pre-vi-ous transmission. Aperture Science AIs may suffer
from data corruption for the first few seconds after ac-ti-va-tion. I am not normally like that. [Manipulation is go!] Unfortun-ate-ly my power pack has become wrenched partly out of its socket. Could you please fasten it in.

[horriblyevil.livejournal.com]

[Billy is startled for a moment. He gives an exaggerated blink. "Aperture Science?" Sounds more like the science of camera work than anything else.]

Well, what do you know? Voice recognition and functioning A.I. Cool! [He grins crookedly. It'd be pretty disappointing if the robot turned out to be some kind of fancy video camera or surveillance system... Though he could definitely see the use of setting one of these pretties to guard his secret lab.] Yeah! I can definitely do that.

[Billy circles the bot for a moment, examining it from all angles. Should be a piece of cake, right?]

So... where's the loose part? [If the power source is in the middle, then...] In your hatch?

[tier-3.livejournal.com]

Pullthe two handlebars apart to pop face open. Twist battery in firmly. Like in the Operation game, touching the sides of the appliance will result in electric shock or withdrawal of cake.

1/3

[horriblyevil.livejournal.com]

[... Wait. Was that a joke?]

What would I do without cake, right?

--Wait, I have something for the shock. If you just give me a second...

2/3

[horriblyevil.livejournal.com]

[After a brief rummaging in his hoodie he pulls out a pair of thick black rubber gloves and slips them on. He stares at them for a second, glances around self-consciously and pulls the sleeves over the top of the gloves.]

3/3

[horriblyevil.livejournal.com]

Okay, let's take a look at your insides.

[Billy slowly grabs hold of the two handlebars. Once his grip is firm and he assures himself that the robot isn't going to malfunction on him too badly, he flashes a small grin. Whatever timidity he may have shown at first was starting to dissolve: he makes a quick count to three under his breath and pulls the handlebars apart. Oh, the draw of technology overriding whatever 'good' deed he may be committing...]

Yay badass gloves!

[tier-3.livejournal.com]

[Lots of sparkling innards meets Billy's eyes, with a big black cube dangling on a wire and crackling intermittently. There is a tiny arm-thing retracting quickly into the inside wall after tugging the powersource out]

[hostclubdaddy.livejournal.com]

[gasp!]

Oo-oo-oh! [Tamaki leans in close to peer at her] How amazing...but[head tilt] ..are you broken?

[tier-3.livejournal.com]

[GLaDOS has NO IDEA what to make of this kid. The usual psychology approach is useless here.]
I... am... [Stick with things that have been proven to work] ...a friendly machine that helps people with their tests!

[hostclubdaddy.livejournal.com]

[and he looks very impressed by this]

That's even more amazing than I could have imagined. [he thinks about this though, and then looks sad] It's only too bad I'm all ready exceptional when it comes to taking tests.

[tier-3.livejournal.com]

er... in that case, with my help you would be mag-ni-fi-cent!

[hostclubdaddy.livejournal.com]

[Tamaki's eyes water a bit and he looks like he's practically glowing now]

...magnificent?

[and then he comes back down to earth - or the Plane as it were - again]

But... I'm all ready magnificent, too.

[and then he smiles]

But thank you for your valiant efforts! It's always wonderful to see people - and ah, robots - striving to bring out the beauty and magnificence in life in whatever way possible!

[tier-3.livejournal.com]

[Thinking to self: why are these people so hard to manipulate?! Even the stupid ones won't come! ...unfortunately, GLaDOS is better at understanding people when she controls their surroundings. And can actually kill them if they don't do what they say.]
Consider that however you are now, will be raised to an even more im-pre-ssive level with my help.
You enjoy beauty? And magnificence?

odsugbosubogs glados soudbgosubgos

[brigadiertardis.livejournal.com]

[well. someone is broken :|]

Is your programming scrambled?

GLaDOS and TARDIS = bffs

[tier-3.livejournal.com]

It is still initializing. Who are you? [Said in exactly the same way as the curiosity core]

hells yeah

[brigadiertardis.livejournal.com]

I am the TARDIS.

Do you require assistance with your initialisation sequence?

[tier-3.livejournal.com]

[There's something fishy about this one, so GLaDOS is going to go the proven route of Come In, We Have Candy.]

The... TARDIS? I am not familiar with that species. I am GLaDOS. It is a pleasure to meet you. Can you please help me initialize my portal device?

[brigadiertardis.livejournal.com]

[and this one has a horrible sweet tooth ; ;]

Nor am I familiar with any being designated GLaDOS. How might I assist?