008 - Wonder Twin Powers Activate

[mercwamouth]

[Deadpool's relaxin' on his plastic explosive couch again. At least he would be relaxing if he had reason to feel relaxed. He checks his cell phone for any voice mail. Still nothing. He lets out an exasperated sigh.]

*sigh*

[Not exasperated enough.]

*SIGH*

[Better.]

What am I supposed to do? After my last assignment, I'm in debt...

[Nick Fury's a douche bag.]

Everyone else is too busy with the Secret Invasion™ to hire me...

[Everyone's a douche bag.]

And no one here really needs a mercenary that can't shift into their worlds.

[Well then think of another option.]

That's your job.

[I thought it was my job.]

[It's both our job.]

[Why are there two of us again?]

[I dunno. To represent inner duality or something?]

[Duality, eh? Hey that gives me an idea...]

[Hmm... I see where you're goin' with this...]

[Deadpool stands up and looks upward, sort of yelling to nothing.]

Hey, Wonder Twins, can you hear me? I wanna talk to ya!

Comments

[didorothy]

[pinches the bridge of his nose]

Don't give them any open-ended offers, don't ever ever ever ask for anything and assume it's for free - particularly not if you don't mean to ask for it - and essentially treat them like you're talking to two rather small porcelain devils.

Oh, and they like candy.

[mercwamouth]

You seem to think I don't deal with unsavory folks on a regular basis.

It's OK, you don't know me. At least, that's what I assume since I don't know you.

[didorothy]

No, I don't know you, though I usually am pretty up-to-date with my masked heroes.

[Sam sees that spandex and would like to know what the hell is up with that]

DI Sam Tyler. If you've met DCI Gene Hunt or WDC Annie Cartwright, they're my coworkers. You are?

[mercwamouth]

...You're Sam?

[didorothy]

...yes?

[mercwamouth]

...The one Diva always talks about?

[didorothy]

Oh. Unless there's something I don't know, then yeah, that's me.

1/2

[mercwamouth]

...That girl depends on you in ways you probably don't even know.

...You screw her up, I'll screw you up.

2/2

[mercwamouth]

I'm Deadpool, by the way.

[didorothy]

One, don't threaten me again. I appreciate that you care for her. I do too. However, I don't want to hear that sort of thing again.

Two, Deadpool, what sort are you that you're used to making deals with unsavory sorts like the Twins? In case you didn't notice, I'm a copper. I'd be interested to hear what you have to say.

[mercwamouth]

HAHAHA! Oh wow.

Copper, huh? Well, you said you keep up with masked heroes, so you probably should know that where I come from, lawmen have superpowers. And even they don't intimidate me.

...Except maybe the Hulk, but come on, he's the motherfucking Hulk...

You're just a normal skinny British dude. I'm an invincible, all-American mercenary armed to the teeth with weapons I know how to use very well.

Out of respect for Diva, though, I won't put you in your place, but waving a badge isn't gonna make me talk.

If you wanna know something, you ask nicely.

[didorothy]

And if you want to protect a friend, you ask nicely too. No one takes kindly to being threatened. And no one is invincible.

[mercwamouth]

I meant no disrespect, I just wanted to make it clear that if you hurt Diva, you'll be begging for death while I put you through hours of agonizing pain. Nothing personal. I just thought it was fair to put that out in the open.

And when you can grow back an entire body from a hand, I think "invincible" is an appropriate term.

[didorothy]

...You don't have many social skills, do you?

Actually, I think that's more 'immortal.' 'Invincible,' as far as I understand it, is where you don't need to grow your body back from a hand, though I could see argument for the opposite.

[things like this are important to him, yes]

[mercwamouth]

Social skills aren't really required in my line of work. Punching a guy in the face doesn't really require a degree in etiquette.

And you're thinking of "invulnerable".

[didorothy]

Do me a favour and never ever talk to Gene Hunt.

You're right, I am. Point is, everyone has a weakness somewhere. Particularly here.

[mercwamouth]

Too late. Real nice guy, I'm sure.

Oh, I have a weakness. Several weaknesses. I'm prone to failure. But I cannot and will not be stopped or controlled.

[didorothy]

Brilliant.

Then, and this is bringing us back to the original point of me talking to you, if you want to keep it that way, avoid the Twins.

[mercwamouth]

Why? I've dealt with worse.

[didorothy]

Which is a major concern for me, but all things considered, I don't much care right now. That warning was all I had to say.

[mercwamouth]

If it makes you feel better, I try not to kill people as much as I used to.

[didorothy]

It does, a little bit, which is probably a bad sign. Don't go teaching Diva it's all right to kill, would you?.

[mercwamouth]

Trust me, I know the less Diva learns from me, the better.

[didorothy]

Thank you. I think.