064: The Next Time You Say Forever I Will Punch You in Your Face

[contract_star]

[Well, Hei is back for the first time since Misaki disappeared and since he tried to break the Plane. He looks even worse now than he did then--he's still pale from the after-effects of blood loss, he has lost weight from not eating properly, and he looks downright exhausted.]

[He stands there a little awkwardly, his gaze empty, before finally he just walks into the Astral Bar, grabs a bottle from behind the counter and takes a seat. He looks generally like he wants to be left alone, but feel free to come bother him. He is fully expecting some kind of backlash for what he did.]

Comments

[mercwamouth]

Look, I know I came off kinda dick-ish when you found out Misaki left, but I want you to know that I miss her too.

And while I don't wanna get your hopes up, she might not be gone forever. I mean, Ikki randomly came back.

[contract_star]

[He's silent for a long time. Misaki is the last thing he wants to talk about.]

She's not coming back.

[mercwamouth]

Probably best that we think that way. Like I said, don't wanna get your hopes up. Still, it's happened before, so there's no point in acting like she's dead.

[contract_star]

She is dead. In a way. Losing your memory is the same as dying.

[mercwamouth]

I'm saying she's not dead because there's a possibility she might come back.

Think of it more as a coma. She might come back, she might not. If she does, it could happen whenever.

[contract_star]

Or it could be a different her. Different life, different memories. There's a new Angela here, and she doesn't remember a thing. I'm the only one who remembers that she and I had...

[He shakes his head abruptly and downs his drink, wincing.] I don't want to talk about this.

[mercwamouth]

...Wait, what? You and Angela did what now?

[contract_star]

Misaki. I was talking about Misaki. Just...forget it.

[mercwamouth]

The first things to go when you're drinking are your pronouns.

Look, dude. She might come back like Ikki, she might come back like Angela, she might just stay in your reality as blissfully unaware as Spider-Man. Who knows?

My point is, don't torture yourself over this anymore.

[contract_star]

[Without warning, Hei throws his empty glass against the far wall, where it shatters. He whirls on Deadpool.]

And what?! I wouldn't be torturing myself as much if I allowed for a glimmer of hope, if I thought that maybe she might come back?! That's what got me into this in the first place! No, never again. I'm done hoping for things that will never happen.

[mercwamouth]

[Throws a glass too]

GRARR! LOOK AT ME! I'M MANLY!

Look dude, hope isn't something you can control. It's something you either have or don't. It's not something you can get or something you can forget. If somewhere in the back of your mind you think that maybe there's a chance she'll pull an Ikki, you'll always have hope, even if you wanna act all emo and pretend you don't.

Personally, I hope that if she does come back, it's a different Misaki who doesn't have to live in a crater. It sucks for us, but it'd be better than seeing a tortured Misaki.

And another thing, Mr. My-Life-Sucks, at least you can still see Misaki. Sure she's not your Misaki, but at least she's Misaki. I might never see her again. Any version of her. Sure I didn't have an experimental kid with her, but she was one of the few people in this place that I gave two shits about.

So stop acting like you're the only one who ever got hurt. It's starting to get old.

[contract_star]

[And despite everything, despite himself, Hei starts laughing. The laughter is broken and completely mirthless.]

Oh, look at you. The Merc With a Mouth, right? And all your little pearls of wisdom. You think you know so much, don't you? But it's all just talk. It's all empty words. You're as lost as the rest of us.

I can't kill hope? I can still see her? I act like I'm the only one who ever gets hurt? Oh yes, forget all of the people I almost destroyed because of my selfishness. Forget the realities of my world. People are all I have left, Deadpool, the people now. So I'm giving up. On the future, on the past. On Misaki. A few days, a week, a month, I'll move past it like I always do, and I'll be able to finally go home, go back to the Constellation and get back to work, not because I have hope and not because she would have wanted me to, but because it's all I have. Our lives are out of our control, so we all have to make do with what we have.

[He takes a long drink from the bottle, chuckling a little madly.] Save your goddamn empty words for someone stupid enough to listen.

[mercwamouth]

Right. So you've got it all figured out. I'm just talkin' outta my ass.

So tell me this. If you've got a handle on this situation, why are you drinking yourself stupid? Why are you trying to avoid talking about Misaki? Why do you look like a pile of shit?

Forgetting and getting over something aren't the same thing, bud.

[contract_star]

[Hei is definitely swaying now.] No. Are you kidding me? Me, have it figured out? I told you. We're all lost. Wandering in the dark.

[He takes another swig.] And I won't forget her. Never. I wouldn't do that to her.

[mercwamouth]

...Man. You really loved her didn't you?

[contract_star]

[He has never actually been able to say the word out loud, but it hardly matters anymore now.]

Yes. I loved her.

[mercwamouth]

[...And he shuts up and drinks]

[contract_star]

[And Hei does the same.]