02 - Ink and Paper

[everybody-lives.livejournal.com]

[look who's on the Plane!

River, all tucked up into a large, overstuffed armchair, turned to one side so that her legs can hang over one of the arms. She's clean for once, no dust or dirt or much of the universe -- her hair is freshly washed and pulled up with a pair of hairsticks. There's a small table to her right with a hot mug of tea.

She's occupied with scribbling in a familiar blue journal]

Comments

[everybody-lives.livejournal.com]

[she lifts her shoulder out of his reach]

When you're surrounded by shadows, you stop feeling that way.

[glances up at him]

You can't tell me you would be happy with this life.

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

Would you rather have died?

I couldn't let you just die.

[everybody-lives.livejournal.com]

Did you ever stop to consider it was simply my time?

[finally snaps her journal closed]

And you didn't answer the question. Would you be happy Doctor?

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

I've had a very long life, River. If it was my time, well, it was my time. You---you're too young. It wouldn't be fair.

[everybody-lives.livejournal.com]

So you wouldn't.

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

[he's not answering that]

It's too late, now.

[everybody-lives.livejournal.com]

I never took you for a coward.

[flips open her journal and begins to write again]

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

Coward?

I'm not a coward! It's just impossible to un-write you from that system, and don't you dare ask me to!

[everybody-lives.livejournal.com]

I referred to the fact you didn't answer my question. Is this a life you would chose for yourself?

[she pushes her feet to the floor]

If it was really impossible, you wouldn't be afraid of me asking.

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

[raised voice] No, no, I wouldn't want it for myself, but I wouldn't just push it away if someone gave it to me, either! I saved you, River!

[everybody-lives.livejournal.com]

[she standing now, eyes sparking]

No you did not. You suspended me.

[she tosses her journal into the chair]

I don't even know why I bother writing anymore.

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

Because this---[rushes to the book and picks it up]---this is your life, River! You write in it now because you're not dead! You may have a smaller world to explore in there, but you're still living!

[everybody-lives.livejournal.com]

[she keeps a specific, defined space between her and the journal. She would never admit it, but she feels exposed without it]

It's not real. I stopped playing at make believe right about the time I got over my tendency for scraped knees.

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

How isn't it real? I can feel it, I can touch it---am I not real?

And you're an archeologist. All that time in the dirt? I imagine you've got knees to rival the schoolyard racers.

[everybody-lives.livejournal.com]

Oh, you're real enough.

[her fingers itched into a fist at the thought]

But that place isn't. It never was.

[she glances involuntarily down at her knees]

And that's just rude.

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

But you're alive, River. Alive. You can think these things because you're there to think them.

That's brilliant, don't you see?

[everybody-lives.livejournal.com]

I'm bits and pieces trapped in a data core, fitted together by the kindness and whimsy of a little girl. How is that real?

How is that brilliant?

[was that sarcasm?]

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

And you'd rather be dead?

[everybody-lives.livejournal.com]

[simply]

Yes.

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

[gapes for a moment, then becomes furious] Well, I'm not about to just let you die!

[everybody-lives.livejournal.com]

[she's nose to nose with him now. River never did quite get personal space]

No, you're not.

But you're not letting me live either.

So what's left?

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

[the Doctor's far too angry to care about personal space]

There's no where else but in between! You had to go off and sacrifice yourself when I could've done it! And then you're furious because I don't want to have to watch you die?

[everybody-lives.livejournal.com]

[that's good, because neither does she]

Of course I had to! You were about to go and make a mull of it. You were trying to make sure I never met you.

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

I was trying to save your life!

[everybody-lives.livejournal.com]

[finally, bitterly]

Well, you didn't.