059: Let Them All Walk Away

[contract_star]

[Hei is at his hut again. He's sitting on the bottom step, leaning tiredly against the railing. By now it's clear that he's been growing his hair out, as it's now down to his chin.]

[There's a single, half-empty bowl of ramen with him as well as a tumblerful of something alcoholic. A basic, composition notebook is open on his lap and he's idly writing something on one of the pages--though you might notice that "Ryotarou" is written in Sharpie on the front. There's also a pair of black and electric-blue Air Trecks propped next to him on the step.]

[Hei yawns and taps his pen against the paper, frowning a little.]

Comments

[madamemoiselle]

I still think it looks better how it was before.

{She laughs} Still, I never ever had to worry about hiding. Even if I did, I would just change what I look like anyways.

[contract_star]

[He grins.] You're lucky. Sometimes I wish I could just change my appearance like that. It would make things a lot easier.

[madamemoiselle]

{And on a whim, shota!Diva}

I guess it would. Still, even if you changed what you'd look like, you'd end up missing your old appearance. I always do, at least! At least now it's just whenever I feel like having this one.

[contract_star]

[Blinks a little cause whoa.] I suppose that's true. You might even forget what you looked like.

[madamemoiselle]

Oh, you'd never forget that. Trust me.

[contract_star]

[Faint smile.] Maybe not, no.

[madamemoiselle]

I mean, which face does Hei think is my real one?

[contract_star]

Well...the other one. The normal one. Right?

[madamemoiselle]

Nope~ One more guess, then I'll tell you if you don't get it right.

[contract_star]

Well, not this one...I've never seen you looking like anything else, aside from that weird experiment a little while ago.

[madamemoiselle]

{Leans over to whisper it in his ear}

Remember the things you saw at PANDORA? Their faces, they're my face too.

{She draws back} Of course, I never use it. I hate it.

[contract_star]

[...okay, he wasn't expecting that.] Those...that's...really?

[madamemoiselle]

It is. Only Wade, Amshel, and Joel have seen that, though. And now Hei knows about it.

[contract_star]

I had no idea...

[madamemoiselle]

Of course not. I don't tell anyone about it.

{And she's suddenly back to normal, bored of being shota}

Because if people are scared of me when I'm pretty like this, then that one...Well, no one would want to be close to me.

[contract_star]

[A beat, then,] Well...people are usually afraid of more than just appearances.

[madamemoiselle]

But when I look like this, people don't know unless I want them to. That's all that matters.

[contract_star]

[He's silent, contemplating this.]

[madamemoiselle]

...Is it bad for you to know, Hei?

[contract_star]

No...it's not like that. Sorry, I was just thinking.

[madamemoiselle]

...Well...What does Hei think? Tell me, honestly. I was...thinking about telling Sam, but I don't know if I want to. If it will scare him off...then I don't want him to know. It doesn't help or hurt him either way.

[contract_star]

I think you should tell him. It's...honesty is important.

[madamemoiselle]

...Why is it important, though?

[contract_star]

Because... [He decides to go for the easiest answer.] Because secrets tend to come out after awhile, and people tend to get upset when you keep things from them.

[madamemoiselle]

{She frowns, looking down}

Then...I guess I'll tell him. Ne, but...what if he doesn't like me anymore? I mean...what would he think? That this me, isn't really me.