realityshifted | (no subject)

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trigun maximum (da) nicholas d. wolfwood

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[and here's a Wolfwood, wearing a set of robes and trying not to trip over them as he paces angrily near the bar]

Goddammit! I need a smoke!

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Err yeah, that. I suppose we were if you've got a twig that shoots out green fireballs.

[Albus pondered for a moment. What was he talking about? A twig? And then suddenly, he laughed.] Was this twig about 12 inches long, and tapering at one end?

Hey! I nearly burnt off my nose! [cue Wolfwood's sulk]

[Albus chuckles a little again.] I don't mean to be rude. I was simply making sure the object is what I believe it is. Do you happen to remember what you said right before it emitted...green fireballs?

Err, 'dammit, dammit, why th' hell can't I get a smoke'. The guy in the fireplace left right after that. I guess you usually don't smoke or swear, right?

...A man in a fireplace? Oh, dear. No, I do not generally smoke or use profanity. Did the man say something to you about work, perhaps?

Yeah. A whole bunch o' stuff 'bout being late an' not dressing right. I yanked on th' robes but couldn't figure out what he'd meant by poppin' on over.

[Albus nodded.] I believe that man was my superior. "Boss", if you will. And what he was telling you to do was travel through the fireplace. [Albus paused, deciding whether to explain the procedure to him.] Do you know if we are still in each others' realities, or if everything has been righted?

Travel through the... But that's impossible, right?

Let me check. [pops away for a second and come back, making a face] Yeah, I'm still there.

I assure you that it is not. It's quite a simple matter, really.

Ah, yes? Then, perhaps I should explain to you the mechanics of the Floo Network. There is a pot of powder on a table near the fireplace at my house. If you throw a pinch of that powder into the fireplace, the fire will turn green, you can step into it. Then, simply say your destination. In this case, you would say, "Flourish and Blotts", as that is where I work.

Like magic or somethin'?

Okay, so what do y' do there?

Yes, quite. Am I to take it that magic does not exist in your reality?

Flourish and Blotts is a bookstore. I work there as a salesclerk.

Not really unless you count some o' th' freaks out there.

Okay. I thnk I can do somethin' like that.

Ah, yes. The only problem may be if you are asked to help find a book. Or perhaps if you are asked to stock the shelves. The job does require some magic and knowledge of magic.

O' which I know jack. Dammit. Don' want to make you lose your job.

[Albus nods.] And I thank you, for that. [He ponders.] Perhaps we should stay on the Astral Plane until we figure out how to handle this. Time will not pass, and our realities will be waiting. In the meantime, we can try to find the Twins, or Ms. Sault, and perhaps inquire as to the length of time this is bound to go on.

I 'pose callin' in sick ain't an option.

[chews on a hang anil since he doesn't have a smoke' frowning]

Yeah we could. At least you don' have t' worry 'bout me. I don' have work.

Well, it is an option, but I don't think it would be wise to do it many days in a row.

That is rather convenient for me. [He pauses.] Is there anything else I need to be aware of? In my short time there I did come across some violence, in which I believe I was expected to partake.

Huh, I'll keep it in mind.

I'm sort of th' unofical support for th' sheriff. We've got a lot of bandits that like comin' through an' there's the kids. They like learnin' strangle holds. I'd watch out for Missy, though. She's been tryin' t' marry me.

[Albus blinked. He found all of this information rather strange.] Is she not aware that you are not interested in marrying her?

She probably figures that I'll come t' my senses an' settle down. Too many romances in her head 'bout retired gunslingers livin' a life free o' sins.

"Gunslinger"?

...Yeah. I use a bunch o' different guns t' fight with.

Don't you got 'em in your world?

Guns do exist in my reality, but witches and wizards do not use them. There is no sense in having a gun if you have a magic wand.

Why are different types of guns necessary?

Depends on what's comin' down th' road. Armored cars need heavier ammo t' pierce it, giants shrug off anythin' less than missles, an' so on.

I suppose you can kill with a word or something?