Dossier Thirty-Four

[fireintothesky.livejournal.com]

[A girl appears in the Astral kitchen, apparently quite comfortable there. She looks around and makes a face, crosses to the freezer and rummages around until she finds a pint of chocolate ice cream. One spoon and discarded plastic seal later, she's leaning against the counter and digging in.]

Daaaad. God, you're not arseholed again, I hope. [Her accent is posh and British. The last part is muttered. Then, just in case he's around to hear,] You know, she's not going to leave you alone about chaperoning forever! The woman's obsessed. And hiding here won't make her go away.



[[Experiment start]]

Comments

[extutela.livejournal.com]

A bit. [He does not like the idea of children and experiments. >[ ]

[exserpens.livejournal.com]

Henrietta—

They've made her my daughter.

[extutela.livejournal.com]

[....]

[........]

Crowley. [The sword vanishes.] That isn't funny.

[exserpens.livejournal.com]

No, it isn't. Can you imagine me, a father? I'd be bloody awful. I suppose it's little wonder she acts like a miniature version of me.

[a pause as this sinks in]

Bloody He- Manchester. She's a little me.

1/?

[extutela.livejournal.com]

[Excuse him for a moment. This is processing.]

2/?

[extutela.livejournal.com]

[....processing....]

3/?

[extutela.livejournal.com]

[....ping!]

4/4

[extutela.livejournal.com]

[FACEPALM]

Oh hell.

[exserpens.livejournal.com]

Now I'm meant to go to some sort of parents' meeting at her school about chaperoning something or other. I expect the flat will have changed when I return.

She even has a teacher who fancies me, from the sound of it.

[shaking his head forlornly]

[extutela.livejournal.com]

[...he won't laugh. Crowley is upset. Crowley is upset, therefore laughing...]

[...would be...]

[...sort of impossible to avoid.]

[LOLS.]

[exserpens.livejournal.com]

[....]

[he waits until the brunt of the angel's laughter has subsided, then:]

Are you quite finished?

[extutela.livejournal.com]

[He covers his mouth with one hand, trying to hide a smile.] Yes, quite.

[exserpens.livejournal.com]

Oh stop sniggering, angel. According to Henrietta you've all her school marks posted on your fridge, you've little room to talk here.

[extutela.livejournal.com]

I-- me? But I don't have a fridge! [YES, HE IS FLAILING.]

[exserpens.livejournal.com]

[Crowley just sighs and removes his sunglasses, running his free hand over his face.]

I can only imagine how long this will last. A fortnight? Longer?

What am I going to do?

[extutela.livejournal.com]

I don't-- [He wipes his eyes] Really, Crowley, what do you want me to say?

[exserpens.livejournal.com]

[a bit defensively] I don't know, I just—

I needed to tell someone before we go off for dinner. In case all life as we know it ceases to exist from me trying to parent someone.

[a pause, and he's staring at Aziraphale's book now, trying to make out the cover]

What's that, then?

[extutela.livejournal.com]

[...the idea of apocalypse happening because of Crowley's parenting skill actually amuses him, yes. He tries very hard not to snicker.]

[And then--oh yeah, the book. He tries to cover the... cover. It is a projector operation manual.]

[exserpens.livejournal.com]

[...all right, he's intrigued now. He'll scoot over just enough to attempt to snatch the book away.]

[extutela.livejournal.com]

[He succeeds! And Az fidgets.]

[exserpens.livejournal.com]

[....]

A projection manual?

[extutela.livejournal.com]

It-- there-- I-- Yes. [He clears his throat.]

[exserpens.livejournal.com]

[Just stares at the book for a second]

Really?

[extutela.livejournal.com]

[SQUIRM.] Just. Curiosity. Really.

[exserpens.livejournal.com]

Angel.

You could've simply asked for those books I promised you. Honestly, a projection manual?