Dossier Thirty-Four

[fireintothesky.livejournal.com]

[A girl appears in the Astral kitchen, apparently quite comfortable there. She looks around and makes a face, crosses to the freezer and rummages around until she finds a pint of chocolate ice cream. One spoon and discarded plastic seal later, she's leaning against the counter and digging in.]

Daaaad. God, you're not arseholed again, I hope. [Her accent is posh and British. The last part is muttered. Then, just in case he's around to hear,] You know, she's not going to leave you alone about chaperoning forever! The woman's obsessed. And hiding here won't make her go away.



[[Experiment start]]

Comments

[extutela.livejournal.com]

[...he won't laugh. Crowley is upset. Crowley is upset, therefore laughing...]

[...would be...]

[...sort of impossible to avoid.]

[LOLS.]

[exserpens.livejournal.com]

[....]

[he waits until the brunt of the angel's laughter has subsided, then:]

Are you quite finished?

[extutela.livejournal.com]

[He covers his mouth with one hand, trying to hide a smile.] Yes, quite.

[exserpens.livejournal.com]

Oh stop sniggering, angel. According to Henrietta you've all her school marks posted on your fridge, you've little room to talk here.

[extutela.livejournal.com]

I-- me? But I don't have a fridge! [YES, HE IS FLAILING.]

[exserpens.livejournal.com]

[Crowley just sighs and removes his sunglasses, running his free hand over his face.]

I can only imagine how long this will last. A fortnight? Longer?

What am I going to do?

[extutela.livejournal.com]

I don't-- [He wipes his eyes] Really, Crowley, what do you want me to say?

[exserpens.livejournal.com]

[a bit defensively] I don't know, I just—

I needed to tell someone before we go off for dinner. In case all life as we know it ceases to exist from me trying to parent someone.

[a pause, and he's staring at Aziraphale's book now, trying to make out the cover]

What's that, then?

[extutela.livejournal.com]

[...the idea of apocalypse happening because of Crowley's parenting skill actually amuses him, yes. He tries very hard not to snicker.]

[And then--oh yeah, the book. He tries to cover the... cover. It is a projector operation manual.]

[exserpens.livejournal.com]

[...all right, he's intrigued now. He'll scoot over just enough to attempt to snatch the book away.]

[extutela.livejournal.com]

[He succeeds! And Az fidgets.]

[exserpens.livejournal.com]

[....]

A projection manual?

[extutela.livejournal.com]

It-- there-- I-- Yes. [He clears his throat.]

[exserpens.livejournal.com]

[Just stares at the book for a second]

Really?

[extutela.livejournal.com]

[SQUIRM.] Just. Curiosity. Really.

[exserpens.livejournal.com]

Angel.

You could've simply asked for those books I promised you. Honestly, a projection manual?

[extutela.livejournal.com]

[HE DOESN'T LIKE THAT CHARITY BUSINESS, END OF THE WORLD NOTWITHSTANDING.]

I don't want to impose. [He does want those books, though. ><]

[exserpens.livejournal.com]

[Crowley rolls his eyes]

Yes, because a box of books will clearly put me into financial hardship. Angel, please. This is just sad.

[and he chucks the manual off into the underbrush somewhere]

Give me a day or two and I'll have something in the post for you.

[extutela.livejournal.com]

[NUUUUUU HIS BOOK. He was just getting to the part about gear adjustments. >: ] But now I won't know how it ends.

[YOU CAN'T JUST READ HALF OF A BOOK, CROWLEY.]

[exserpens.livejournal.com]

[...you seriously did not just say that, Aziraphale. :|]

Let me give you the Cliff Note version: the technician saves the day, the projector is fixed, the show goes on, and everyone is happy.

Seriously, angel, if you're that hard up for something to read—

[he drops from the plane, reappearing a moment later with a copy of The Reader which he drops into the angel's lap]

[extutela.livejournal.com]

[alksjdsd book. He almost unconsciously strokes the cover.] But I was only half-finished. You can't read half a book Crowley. You just can't.

[exserpens.livejournal.com]

[Crowley...cannot honestly decide whether to kick him or kiss him, at this point. He's just so lskjdflsjk]

[He settles for stooping down and catching Aziraphale's chin in his hand, tilting the other man's face up so they're eye-to-eye, blue to serpentine yellow. There's a very serious look on Crowley's face...which melts into a grin, and a laugh.]

You're hopeless, angel.

[extutela.livejournal.com]

[Az is. Confused. Very confused. And internally pulling five different ways at once, and oh hello there Crowley, and oh Someone, Something, Somewhere, help. When he talks, it comes out as a sequence of squeaks.]

Well. You really can't.

[exserpens.livejournal.com]

[The demon just sighs, amused, and releases the angel's chin after a moment. He crosses back to where he'd been sitting and retrieves his sunglasses, which promptly cover his eyes once again.]

Well then, I suppose I'd best be getting on. Wouldn't want to keep the children waiting. [headshake]

[extutela.livejournal.com]

[He thumbs through the book without seeing the pages, sounding rather vague.] Children? I thought--there's more than one, is there?