010 - Duh

[mercwamouth]

[Deadpool appears next to the chair of plastic explosives he brought to the Plane a while back. He begins to break it down into clumps and starts wiring them.]

[What are you doing?]

What's it look like?

[Boom time.]

[But we aren't getting paid.]

[Again.]

[So why are we wasting the last of our munitions?]

[And our last good chair.]

This part isn't about money. This is about the principle.

[And fun.]

And fun.

[Yeah, yeah, whatever, fine. Just don't use our TiVo as a missile shield next.]

Worked in "Tropic Thunder".

[Hey, where was the spoiler alert?]

Comments

[mercwamouth]

Yes. It's the worst thing in the world. Sarcasm is an essential part of life and being incapable of perceiving it will destroy everyone you love.

[madamemoiselle]

...Eh? It's really that important?

[mercwamouth]

How can someone so old be so gullible?

[madamemoiselle]

{She frowns, pouting a little} Ah, well...I don't know. It's never been important!

[mercwamouth]

Aww, she's pouting. Someone get the camcorder.

[madamemoiselle]

{And she's getting flustered too} I am not! Oh, now you're just making fun of me, Deadpool!

[mercwamouth]

Not like you make it hard.

[madamemoiselle]

Hmph...Well..

Are you really going to blow up a mansion?

[mercwamouth]

Yup. Time to kill some well-fed zombies.

[madamemoiselle]

...Oh, is that Deadpool's job today, then?

[mercwamouth]

Nope. Job fell through. This is payback.

[madamemoiselle]

Well, I hope it goes well for you, then!

[mercwamouth]

If it went well, I wouldn't be doing this in the first place..

[madamemoiselle]

Well, then I hope that this goes better. Is it very dangerous?

[mercwamouth]

Not really. The zombies think I taste terrible and that I'm on their side. I got the jump on them. They'll get rid of my two-bit employer, I'll get rid of them. Win-win.

[madamemoiselle]

Well, I guess that works, then. But they bit you, really?

[mercwamouth]

Yeah. The plan was that my employer was going to trade me to them as a way to settle his supposedly enormous debt. I was going to be an endless food supply for them. They eat my flesh, I regenerate, they eat more. Seemed like a great plan. But if you had an endless supply of spam, you'd still want to go out for steak once in a while. And the way they put it, I apparently taste worse than spam. So they were about to chuck me when I offered to deliver them my client and his crew as a meal.

I'm arranging the meeting now. They show up, the zombies eat them, then I blow the mansion up.

Not profitable, but damn will I feel better.

[madamemoiselle]

Oh, after that, I would definitely feel better too. That's really terrible.

[mercwamouth]

I know, isn't it great?

[madamemoiselle]

Well the idea that they were trying to use you as food, that's not.

[mercwamouth]

I dunno, seemed like a pretty clever idea, actually. I mean, obviously I wasn't really in agreement with the plan, but I'm a fan of all-you-can-eat buffets, so I can't fault them for it.

Wasn't very flattering when they were about to throw me out, though.

[madamemoiselle]

But it would hurt, right?

[mercwamouth]

Like a bitch. But that's life, innit?

[madamemoiselle]

Well, maybe, but...I don't like my friends getting hurt, you know?

[mercwamouth]

Aww, how sweet. Well, you don't have to worry about me. If I'm hurt, I heal and hurt back. Everything works out.