realityshifted

Entry tags:

darker than black (d1) hei/li shengshun

011

[And here’s Hei. He looks strained and battered and tired, and the mask of apathy is clearly forced. He appears near Misaki’s batting cages and stares at them for awhile. Eventually, he steps inside wordlessly and grabs a bat off the shelf. Then he turns on the pitching machine; the machine fires and he swings and misses.]

[It becomes rhythmic. Fire. Swing. Miss. Fire. Swing. Miss. And so on. The mask of apathy slowly begins to waver.]

[Then, finally, there’s a loud crack as the bat connects with a ball. It’s a good hit. Hei stands back and watches as the ball arcs high into the star-filled sky, falling down somewhere out of sight. Hei stares after it for a long while, ignoring the pitching machine which is still lobbing balls at him.]

[It’s only when the machine has run out of balls that Hei seems to wake up. He looks at his feet; the apathy is gone now. Anger and loss flash across his face, almost seeming to compete with each other. Hei plants the bat against the floor and leans on it as if he can no longer hold his own weight.]

[The machine continues to whir.]

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[Hei accepts the second glass and downs it, a little slower this time. Notes Jack's sort-of answer, and is totally fine with not talking about it yet.]

1869, huh.

[Jack downs half his glass, resting it on his knee as he talks]

Drugs, sex, alcohol...I used to over-indulge in everything before then, just like John. When I got stuck there though....something happened, showed me I couldn't afford to do that. [Jack thinks the alcohol must've begun to kick in; he rarely talks about himself, not like this. A mocking smile appears on his face] Ironic, don't you think? Just when I become immortal is when I stop screwing my body over, at least like that.

[Hei refills his own glass, hand wobbling a bit, listening to Jack in silence.]

Irony seems to like both of us. But I guess, sometimes it takes a slap in the face to wake you up to the reality of things.

[Stares into his glass and drinks most of it before pausing. The world is slightly muzzy now.] I've never really liked drinking. I don't like not being in control of myself. Sometimes...I don't know, I just don't want to be.

[Yep, alcohol is kicking in for Hei as well :|]

[Jack downs what's left of his glass, refills it again as Hei talks. He takes one gulp, letting out a soft sigh before speaking again] This [He motions at the alcohol] It's the only way I now how to mourn. Drinking until I lose consciousness...i's the one way to keep the nightmares away, at least for a bit.

[Finishes off his glass and goes to refill it again, definitely wobbling now.]

It must be hard for you.

[Long pause.] I didn't even do this when Bai disappeared. I couldn't mourn because I wasn't sure. Didn't even have time to search properly...

[Cuts himself off and downs the glass a little too quickly, gasping a little when he's finished.]

[Jack doesn't answer, just takes another gulp, downing what's left of the glass] I drank when Owen and Tosh died, but not enough to become pass out; couldn't bring myself to do that to them....

Not sure I'll be able to do the same now.

[Passes a hand over his eyes to try and clear his vision before filling another glass.]

Another good thing about this place. You can drink, sleep it off, and go back home without anyone being the wiser.

[And polishes off another glass, slumping a bit against the cage. He's quiet for awhile, holding the empty glass limply and staring at nothing.]

I could have protected her. Our realities were merging. I could have been there. I could have changed it...

[Jack refills his own glass, a bit of alcohol dripping down the side as his hand wobbles. He down the whole thing at once, letting the hand fall almost limply at his side] You couldn't have known, not anymore than the rest of us.

[Hei almost dumps the alcohol all over the stars when he goes to refill his own glass.]

I knew she was working the case. I knew how it was affecting her. I knew she was going to raid their den. I knew how dangerous it was going to be. She wouldn't have let me help her, but I could have anyway. At any time I could have...

[Downs the glass and suddenly starts laughing mirthlessly.]

The worst part is that I'm not even supposed to be feeling anything right now.

[Jack frowns, pausing to refill his own glass before speaking] Like hell you're not; humanity over sanity, remember? And like you said, there's no reason you can't have them both.

[Smiles, completely without warmth.] Except for the fact that I'm not even human.

[Jack can't help it; he snorts at Hei's comment] And I am? I was human once, yeah...but now I'm just something that shouldn't exist, a smudge in the time line.

Living forever doesn't make you inhuman. [Pours himself another drink, dammit Hei stop that >(] It's having a soul that actually matters.

[Drinks half of it and pauses, resting the glass on the floor. He inclines his head and closes his eyes.]

[Jack pours himself another glass and gulps down abut three quarters of it before speaking up, the rest of it sloshing messily on the floor as he puts the glass down] If getting dragged back from the dead by god-knows what wasn't enough, I've done and witnessed things no person should ever even fathom...if I had a soul, I lost it long ago.

[Still with his eyes closed.] But you're talking figuratively. I'm not. Anyway, I'm not going to compare losses.

[Opens his eyes and finishes off the drink, then the glass slips out of his hand and rolls away. Hei watches it blearily.]

[Then, as if by rote,] Contractors have no souls and no emotions. They're killing machines in human form. They live and fight only for themselves and are ruled purely by logic. Liars and traitors. Only good for killing.

[Toes at the glass and nudges it back toward him, chuckling a little.] I might have had too much.

[Jack listens, doesn't argue or tell Hei that it's what he seemed to have become long ago. Instead he reaches forward, fumbling with the glass, then finally setting it upright. He pours what's left of the alcohol into bother their glasses, setting the bottle aside somewhere] You're not the only one then; drink up.

[Smirks bitterly and raises his glass, almost spilling it.]

Kanpai. To...let's see. To survival. [Mockingly,] To surviving against all odds, despite all the loss and...and bullshit.

[Yes, he's quite drunk now :|]

[Jack raises his own glass, alcohol sloshing over the sides]

To survival when you should have died long ago, and to life coming back to bite you in the ass for it [Jack's smile matches Hei's as he clinks their glasses together, downing what's left of the liquor in his glass in one go]

[Drains his glass and sets it down very, very delicately and smiles drunkenly.]

To living on borrowed time all the time. To always, inevib--inevilab--inevitably failing.

It's a great life~

[Enjoy the tilde. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.]

[Sets his own glass down besides Hei's though not quite as carefully]

And to becoming the very things you hate, and to knowing that every new day will never be your last.

Because we would never live another.

[Now have a very drunk Jack trying to get up and failing miserably, landing hard on his ass and ending up slumped; half on the fence, half on Hei]

Becoming what you hate, and hating what you become.

[Oompf, hello Jack. You've successfully knocked Hei to the floor. It's a sign of how drunk Hei is right now that he's not pushing you away immediately. He stiffens just a little and starts chuckling.]

Giving up the very thing you'd waited for all this time, and always looking back.

[Jack can't help but crack a smile himself, his face moving to bury in Heis shoulder] We really are drunk...

And always regretting.

[Suddenly everything and nothing is funny.] Don't think I've ever been this drunk...

Because the question of 'what if?' will always be at the back of your mind.

[Jack knows he should roll off Hei, pull away at least. Instead one of his arms drapes itself lightly around his waist] I have, just not with anyone else; not for a long time.

Always.

[It's a good thing Hei doesn't really notice that, Jack :D] Is it better with people around?

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