02- From Bad to Worse

[itsthecoat.livejournal.com]

[Jack appears on the Astral plane, his coat gone. The front of his shirt is covered in blood, and he looks more dazed than anything, half wondering half stumbling. He mumbles to himself as he walks, an almost blank look on his face] Their dead. I couldn't even save Rhys for Gwen, and now so man people are dead. Why doesn't the blood come off......

[ooc: *cough* Do to his recent interaction with Simm!Master, Jack's mental state has gone from somewhat bad but manageable, to  a few steps from just loosing it completely. Which, of course, reflects on his reality, which in turn makes things worse >>

Oh, and just for the record; any post before this is basically pre!return, so he'll be his normal self there u-u]

Comments

[itsthecoat.livejournal.com]

[just shakes his head, staring off into space blankly] Can't die, remember? Can only get a few moments of darkness before coming back.

[contract_star]

But you can still feel pain.

...Hold on. [Disappears and when he reappears it's with a cup of strong tea. He offers it to Jack.] Here.

It might help if you talk about it.

[itsthecoat.livejournal.com]

[he holds the cup in both hands, taking a long sip from it] Their dead; that's all there is to it.

[contract_star]

[Long, long pause.] All of them? [Doesn't even really know who "them" are, but it doesn't matter.]

[itsthecoat.livejournal.com]

All of Cardiff, all the civilians...

[contract_star]

[Hei goes completely silent and his face goes blank. This reminds him too much of South America. For a long time he doesn't say anything. Then he looks upwards at the stars.]

It...doesn't go away. Not ever. When you try to protect something, but you can't. But it...[Sighs.] I know this...doesn't help you now, but...it gets easier. [Looks Jack in the eye.] It does get easier.

[itsthecoat.livejournal.com]

[Jack's own eyes are blank, though not quite as unfocused] It never really does though; you just find a way of pushing the pain away....

[contract_star]

Maybe. But the pain that comes from caring about something is...well, it reminds you that you're alive and still human. [Looks at him sidelong.] The alternative is living and caring only for yourself. [Looks away.] Which is inhuman.

[itsthecoat.livejournal.com]

[doesn't respond for a long moment, then nods] I would take my humanity over my sanity any day...

[contract_star]

[Is staring at the floor, but he still smiles.] Your humanity is the only thing that truly matters, after all.

But you don't necessarily have to sacrifice your sanity for it. You can pick up the pieces, one by one.