ᴡᴇʟʟ ... ɪ ɢᴜᴇss ɪ'ᴍ ɴᴏᴛ ɴᴏʀᴍᴀʟ; (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
classed) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
realityshifted2014-11-06 12:16 pm
classed) wrote in realityshifted2014-11-06 12:16 pm
Entry tags:
✭ mission oo3;; what about my life so far?
( everyone else has been dealing with their own doppelgangers; his friends, those that he hasn't quite managed to make an impression on beyond stupid hero type, everyone that he's so far come into contact with since he'd first starting coming to the plane in the first place. he isn't any different, and even though this chance encounter effectively takes place before he runs into anyone else and their personal demon, at least, once it's over, it will allow him to help if they end up choosing the same route he has. ( which is, of course, the one that makes things way more difficult than they need to be. )
zack's shadow has already started in on him – hadn't wasted any time at all, which, considering just how often the soldier himself goes rushing into things? it isn't all that surprising. zack has his sword drawn, both hands curled tightly around the hilt and holding it steady as the thing spouts line after line of things that he doesn't want to hear at him, the words digging beneath the surface of his skin and burying themselves into his very being.
you've been trying so hard, you've got all these ambitions, and they're not letting you show 'em what you've got. it's all about sephiroth, the silver general, the war hero. how are you ever gonna live up to that?
if only that were where it stopped. no matter what he tells himself – that it isn't true, that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of him, because he's going to prove himself and all of his ambitions no matter how long it takes – it's only the beginning, and even as he grits his teeth against the sting of the words he's already beginning to doubt what he's believed about himself all along.
can't stop long enough to give it any thought, huh? just gonna swing that sword and hope it makes a difference? tch … you're not gonna convince anybody of anything if you don't start using your head more.
he's bloodied, already, bruised when he finally lowers his sword to take a breath, still gritting his teeth against the truths slowly eating away at him, picking off little pieces here and there and stripping him down to the bone. his shadow looks at him, head tilted to the side, those yellow eyes glowing far more brightly than they have any right to be. finally listening?
zack raises his head, a trickle of blood sliding from the corner of his mouth down his chin, every bone and every muscle aching as he raises his sword again, shakes his head.
let it never be said that he can't quite figure out how to do things the easy way the first time around – but it will catch up with him eventually. everything always does. )
zack's shadow has already started in on him – hadn't wasted any time at all, which, considering just how often the soldier himself goes rushing into things? it isn't all that surprising. zack has his sword drawn, both hands curled tightly around the hilt and holding it steady as the thing spouts line after line of things that he doesn't want to hear at him, the words digging beneath the surface of his skin and burying themselves into his very being.
you've been trying so hard, you've got all these ambitions, and they're not letting you show 'em what you've got. it's all about sephiroth, the silver general, the war hero. how are you ever gonna live up to that?
if only that were where it stopped. no matter what he tells himself – that it isn't true, that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of him, because he's going to prove himself and all of his ambitions no matter how long it takes – it's only the beginning, and even as he grits his teeth against the sting of the words he's already beginning to doubt what he's believed about himself all along.
can't stop long enough to give it any thought, huh? just gonna swing that sword and hope it makes a difference? tch … you're not gonna convince anybody of anything if you don't start using your head more.
he's bloodied, already, bruised when he finally lowers his sword to take a breath, still gritting his teeth against the truths slowly eating away at him, picking off little pieces here and there and stripping him down to the bone. his shadow looks at him, head tilted to the side, those yellow eyes glowing far more brightly than they have any right to be. finally listening?
zack raises his head, a trickle of blood sliding from the corner of his mouth down his chin, every bone and every muscle aching as he raises his sword again, shakes his head.
let it never be said that he can't quite figure out how to do things the easy way the first time around – but it will catch up with him eventually. everything always does. )
no subject
[Castor skids to a stop behind the double, Leda loping in behind her a second later.]
What in all the hells is going on here?
no subject
( because, you know, i figure he knows her name by now. s'gotta be a thing.
zack looks from the figure in front of him to the blonde accompanied by her large and furry companion, and back to the shadow again with a scowl. )
I don't know, but it's not good. You might wanna stay back. ( because if this thing hurts anyone other than him ... )
no subject
[Her stance shifts, ever so slightly. It's hard to notice, but she's primed to fight, and all the usual levity in her face is gone. Taking the cue, Leda's ears begin to slide backwards, and her muzzle wrinkles up with a low growl.]
Come on. We'll finish this and get you looked at.
no subject
( zack winces, head now hanging low as the words come out of his shadow's mouth, and he breathes out a small sigh that shows just how ... tired he is. it isn't something you would normally see on him, not by a long shot, but having every single thing you've ever been afraid of shoved into your face all at once is exhausting.
not to mention embarrassing, if there's someone else to witness the whole thing. )
I can do this myself - I've got a feeling this is a bit personal, anyway. ( y'think? ) Just stay outta the way, okay? I don't want you to get hurt.
after all the fighting!
Jacqli doesn't even see the fight. The only reason she even knows there must have been one is because, well... why else would Zack be hurt - broken and bleeding and trying to keep himself steady as he talks to that... thing that looks exactly like him?
She approaches, but doesn't say anything to him just yet. She only sings, and a soft, greenish light begins to glow all around him. His wounds should close and his energy should begin to return to him, and by the time her song is finished, she'll be standing just behind him, with one hand on her hip and neutral expression on her face.]
Keep your focus. I'll heal you again if I must.
[She's not entirely sure she trusts that thing not to start lashing out again - then again, she has no idea what's actually going on yet...]
i got emotional and wrote a novel i'm sorry.
he's thick-headed. dense. always has been, even as a child. and regardless of just how important all of this is to him, to his development and subsequent ability to move past all of his own shortcomings and become a better man – the man he wants to be, the kind of man that deserves to be a hero – it's so slow-going that it's no wonder he's managed to come through this bleeding and broken on the ground.
he hasn't even thought to use a cure spell on himself, being too distracted with everything that has been happening right in front of his eyes to allow it to cross his mind. ( his mp is running a little on the low side, anyway, with the spells that he's been throwing at the thing. it might not have even worked well enough to do any good in the first place. ) when he hears that song begin, it sounds so distant that he's almost positive he's imagining it, but then he sees that light green glow surrounding him, and it's enough to have him picking his head up, looking for the source of the song, and the magic.
and he never would have thought to find her there with him. ) Jacqli – ?
( zack shakes his head as though to clear it, running a hand through dark, sweat-and-blood matted hair. ) What … you just –
( bright blue eyes peer up at her as he turns to throw a look over his shoulder, expression both baffled and eternally thankful. )
yes share all the emotion dsfjslk
She does not like senseless death. She will not let that happen again.
She shakes her head when he tries to address her, then nods toward his shadow once again. Priorities, Zack, sort them out!]
I said, keep your focus. Were you even listening to me?
[But even her exasperated look has the smallest trace of worry, for him.]
THERE IS A LOT OF IT I'M JUST WARNING YOU NOW UGH.
idiocy. )
he takes in a shaking breath that ends up sounding like a laugh as he finally gets to his feet, sword held steadily in both hands as he faces his shadow again. ) Right … sorry. I've still got business to attend to, don't I? ( and despite the smudges of blood still more than apparent on a formerly bruised face, the rips in his uniform that won't exactly go over well with lazard once he's back in midgar and possibly requesting a new one, he's grinning. just a little bit, just enough to be noticed, because all of that energy she's sent flowing back into him is just enough to have him thinking that he's finally beginning to figure this out.
well, maybe.
meanwhile, his shadow looks … well, annoyed. ) You're not starting to get it, are you? I mean … it's only taken how long for you to pick yourself up off the floor and get a clue?
Shut up! ( it's not quite as forceful as it could be, given the strain he's found himself under, but it's still more than enough to provide an opening to get his point across. ) You said you're me, okay, I get that. You're like … all the stuff I never wanted to admit to myself. Like how scared I am of not being good enough, of being some giant disappointment no matter how hard I try. ( another deep breath, and it shakes a little on its way out, but he stands firm. ) I didn't ever want to think that was me. It sucks, thinking you're never gonna be good enough, or that you're gonna end up letting somebody down.
( he's beginning to falter again, the sound of his own voice – coming from within him, and not just from the form standing in front of him – sinking deep into his bones and attempting to convince him that no matter what he ends up admitting to himself, it isn't going to change anything.
at least he isn't alone in this, anymore. moral support might just be what he needs to get himself through this. )
no subject
Way to beat yourself up, boy. But... she supposes everyone does enough of that, hm?
She watches him face himself, listens to what he's saying... and when he begins to falter, she crosses her arms and shakes her head.]
For what it might be worth to you... you should know you aren't alone in that. Far from it.
no subject
so he stands under his own power, sets his shadow with a gaze that very few have ever glimpsed on him before; it's mixed with a sort of hellish determination and fear, but also with the realization that he isn't going to be able to get through this by brute force alone. his head, and his heart are going to have to play a part in this, and somewhere … he thinks he may have known that all along. ) I've tried so hard – so hard to get so far, and I know it's not. ( he pauses, licks at still-bloodied lips even though the cuts have been healed. ) I know it's not like I'm never gonna get anywhere. I'm going to be a hero, damn it. And I'm gonna make Angeal proud of me, no matter how many times I fall along the way.
He knows I can do it, and that's what matters.
Tch. You sure about that? Do you think he wants to keep cleaning up your messes for the rest of his life? 'Cause it seems like that's about all you're good for right now. What do you think is going to happen back in Wutai with the Vajradhara?
It came out of nowhere! ( he's looking desperate, now, bright blue eyes wide and searching. it doesn't take much to get him riled up, of course it doesn't and it never has, and this is no different at all. ) What was I supposed to do?
no subject
She relates. ... Will wonders never cease.
He was doing so well, and then he gives into yet another taunt! She scoffs, shakes her head. She was going to just nudge Zack in the proper direction, but maybe he needs more of a shove instead!]
Are you going to let it distract you with singular examples of things you worry about, or are you going to actually face it?
no subject
So instead, he wields his sniper rifle and lets a shot fly out into the middle of the two to get their attention.]
Gentlemen, how about we put the swords away and talk this out over a few drinks? I'm buying.
[Better drinks than for this to erupt. He doesn't want to see what the double could become if things got out of hand...]
no subject
his sword might not be as big as angeal's, but it does take a certain amount of muscle to be able to control is well enough without having it go sailing into the floor tip-first, and he might have even gone so far as to be flattered if there were to ever be any kind of compliments thrown his way just for that. but, of course this isn't the time.
zack picks his head up when he hears the stranger's voice, eyes falling immediately on that giant gun – he's never seen one that large, sweet shiva, and now he's not entirely convinced that he'll ever see anything bigger – but then he's turning back to himself, shaking his head. )
I don't think either of us are old enough to drink. ( he's only sixteen! not that he wouldn't turn down a stiff one once this is all over. might take the sting out of the whole thing, or at least deaden it a bit. ) I'll take a raincheck – and he's not gonna be around here much longer, anyway.
( the shadow scoffs. ) I'll be here as long as it takes for you to get your head together, me.
( aye-yi-yi. )
no subject
no subject
Need a hand?