realityshifted | (no subject)

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men in black (d1) agent k

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[Kay comes back onto the Plane, not long after his conversation with Ray dragging a Dalek shell with the top shot off. In his gloved hand is a Kaled mutant, dangling dead, because he's just irritated enough to bring a dead body onto the Plane.

He gestures toward the hull at first.] The fuck is that?!

[And then holds up the mutant.] The fuck is this?!

[And he stops brandishing the little tentacled corpse.] My universe has documentation of every sentient species capable of any sonic, radio, or light wavelength signal. If you're capable of communicating in any discernible pattern or language, someone has seen it. Nobody knows how the fuck these happened, but boom out of nowhere we got a random massive scale attack on our maximum security prison. And then the bastards seemed surprised we fought back.

So. This belong to anybody?

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[Jamie has never actually looked inside a Dalek's shell before, having been a little too busy worrying about not being killed by them to take the time to do so. So the Kaled mutant doesn't mean a thing to him. The rest of it, though, is all too familiar.]

A Dalek? How did it get he...

[He cuts himself off, because it's obvious that Kay brought the thing here. Which also means it's quite dead, and not a threat, but still, that's not a good thing.]

Wait. Ye mean to say they've started turning up in your universe now?

Oh I got plenty more where that came from. I could bring you a heap and a half of- Daleks, you say? Daleks.

Why- [he looks at Jamie in earnest.] -does the paint roller shoot death rays?

Aye, Daleks.

[He shakes his head though, at the mention of the 'paint roller' - which has to be the gun of theirs.]

Look, I've no idea why it does other than so they can use it to try and exterminate people. They're very fond of that. And they're also more than a wee bit fond of trying to conquer places, so if they've attacked this prison of yours, likely they thought they could use it for something.

[A base of operations, maybe.] The Doctor might have more of an idea, though, if he happens to turn up. He's fought them more than I have.

They look like someone tried to make a bathroom repair module and everything went all to hell. [He scratches his temple with his non-mutant holding hand.]

I'm more concerned with the fact some career criminals got out before we stopped the attack. It's a maximum security prison- it has intergalactic security. But now there's a buncha loose criminals. [He sounds more fussy than anything right now.]

So that's how you got the worms, huh? [Quaint way to put it, Kay.]

[That very blank look that has just appeared on Jamie's face is courtesy of 'bathroom repair module', but his confusion over that is soon forgotten in favor of a much more thoughtful look at the mention of the escaped criminals.]

That could suit their plans, right enough. It wouldn't be the first time they've used humans to get something they wanted.

[Jamie included, and his mouth tugs off to the side just thinking about it.] Maybe it's some sort of distraction, to send ye chasing after these criminals while they do something else.

Seems like it, aye. I don't think you got the better end of that deal. Daleks may look ridiculous, but they're very dangerous.

We figured that out when blasters wouldn't work. Turns out the noisy cricket did the trick fine. We already had anti-saucer weapons, too.

But that prison? It didn't hold humans. [Just the flattest look in the world.]

The didn't last long enough to take anyone with 'em, but some of the prisoners used escape modules to shit it and get it back to Earth.

Oh. [Well, how was he supposed to know that? His mouth pulls off to one side for a moment, then the expression vanishes as quickly as it arrived.]

Aye, well, I'd not put it past them to use non-humans, either. And I'd not say you've seen the last of them, but maybe ye got lucky. Are ye going to be able to catch the criminals again, though?

Well it was bad enough we had to appeal to the "Space U.N." for back-up- fuck, you're not gonna know what the U.N. is... Ah. Had to call in a bunch of advanced tough guys from different planets.

But I'll keep that in mind. But I'm not sure. Lunar Max is a maximum security prison on the moon for a reason. You get people out of it and back on a planet and they're hard as hell to track down until they start doin' stuff.

And if they decide to lay low instead, ye might not ever find them again.

[Although if they're criminals, they might not stay out of sight, at least not forever, and he has to wonder if that was why the Daleks did what they did. Either way, it's not a good thing, and he knows there's very little he can do about what's already happened. But if the Plane's giving people other people's monsters, now, Daleks might not be the only thing that'll turn up.]

Look, maybe I'd better tell ye what else I've run into while traveling with the Doctor, in case you've wound up with more than Daleks. Do ye need to get back and talk with that "Space U.N." ye mentioned?

That sounds like a plan. [He's agreeable. Because dear god.] Uh... I don't think I could name all the ones I know easily. We have a pretty wide assortment. But any major threats I'll take.

[Oh, shit.]

What year are you from? [Boglodites.]

[Major threats also seem like a grand idea to Jamie, given the situation, and he nods...only to grimace slightly at the question.]

Ah, well, that's hard to say. It changes around a lot. [Time travel does make that a bit tricky.] I could tell ye when I was born if ye really think that helps, though.

It does a little- Ah, if the worms are the only ones that showed up in your universe, while there's... there's really a lot in mine that can be threats. But the two that you can not reason with are the Bugs and the Boglodites. And both would trash the planet if they were allowed to make it to Earth for any amount of time.

But my Earth has allies and a protection field to prevent that.

[Jamie's? He's not sure about.]

If ye want to know... [Jamie scratches his head, then shrugs.] Well, all right. I was born in seventeen hundred and twenty nine. But unless your beasties can travel through time, I'd not say they'd be going back that far. I've not even been back that far recently.

[Although there's always that chance he'll wind up back then again at some point, he's sure.]

For mine, I would say the Cybermen are likely just as dangerous as the Daleks. They're a...sort of robot. Larger than humans, silver, with these bars in their head. They'll try and convert ye to make ye like them if ye give them half a chance. And there's the Ice Warriors, who look a wee bit like reptiles, but it's heat that bothers them and not the cold.

What do these Bugs and Bogey Lodites look like, then?

Giant roaches. And really mean crustaceans. Either one will drop on a planet and strip it of it's resources like it means nothin'. You get a Queen on your planet, you'll have a Bug infestation that might never get cured if you don't get rid of her. Boglodites can only be stopped if you have a defense net that will block primarily organic ships.

Which I'm guessing that you guys probably don't have.

Well, no. But we've got the TARDIS. They'll not be able to get into there.

[In theory, anyway, but that doesn't stop him from starting to look a bit concerned.]

That won't do anything if they show up on Earth when we're not there, though. We'd not even know they were around until it was too late. I'll have to tell the Doctor, though, so he can tell the C...

[He flicks a glance up at Kay, realizing he's about mention something he's not supposed to, and he quickly amends his words.]

Er, a group of people he sometimes does some things for. They might be able to keep an eye out and let us know if there's a problem.

CIA? Guy that used to be around here worked for 'em. Didn't tell me all that much, but I get the drift.

If they do show up, though, those are definitely ones you can't reason with. They don't see us as more than pests, very well sentients. Best peaceful solution you can look for is trickin' 'em.

Oh, you met him too. [He still remembers Narvin a bit, enough that he's not surprised that there wasn't much information given.] Aye, I don't think he would've said much to anyone who didn't already know.

[And maybe not even then. But he looks at Kay with new interest at the mention of that peaceful solution. It could be useful, if for some reason they did turn up.]

Tricking them? What sorts of tricks are ye meaning, then?

I find generally that sometimes, when destroying your planet might seem like a very good idea for an incoming fleet? There are a lot of ways to make it look like a very bad idea for 'em. And people tend to stick by their own decisions a lot easier than threats.

[But sometimes he has to do what he has to do.]

Oh, aye. I see. If ye come up with the right sort of thing, it'll make it look like it's not worth it to try.

[At least, that's what he thinks Kay's saying there.]

So as long as you have someone clever to come up with an idea like that, you'll have a good chance of pulling it off.

You're pretty clever, Sport. And you got good connections. I'm sure if you thought about it you could make a hell of a distraction.

[For a moment, Jamie simply stares, not quite believing what he's heard. Kay thinks he's clever? Then he straightens, looking rather pleased at the compliment - and confident, as well.]

Aye! If they did show up, there's bound to be something that could be done. It'd just be a matter of figuring out what's around that could be used. Mind ye, there's no saying if they will show. Ye never really know with these mergers what ye wind up with. Might just be what we've got already.

[He supposes there's no real way to know just how big the merger is, unless something happens like it did with Victoria. Granted, having Kay fall into his lap would be much less pleasant, even if it made figuring other things out easier. He doesn't think that's about to happen any time soon, though.]

Listen, what else did ye need to know to keep an eye out on your end?

Whoa, is that an alien? Wow! [Doc rushes over to Kay, eyeing the Dalek mutant with interest] Hmmm, he looks a little gooey. Hey...is he dead?

[He shakes the Dalek like a rattle. It doesn't move. Just sort of flops noisily.]

I think so. Yeah. Here.

[And he tosses it to Doc.] Take it you've never seen one?

Oh! [Doc fails at catching--an amazing feat at that short distance. but nevertheless, the Kaled splats on the ground. unperturbed, Doc leans down to get a better look] No way! Our aliens are less...mushy. Usually. Can I scan it? [he waves his scanner] Could be interesting.

Go ahead. We have, literally, a hundred of these fucking things. [He sounded oh so excited about this.]

Really? I bet you could run all sorts of tests with that many! Are they all dead? [he activates his scanner, watching as green light washes over the Kaled] Hmmm...

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