[ crimson pride ]

[sacredashes]

[Asch is already dealing with the possibility of dying. He really doesn't need to feel like it, too. Still, he's attempting to make a four piece chicken dinner using the lovely kitchen facilities.]

Cook faster.

[Suddenly, Asch steps back-- then sneezes viciously into his elbow. Away from the food, of course. It's a violent sneeze, the kind that makes him slam his fist against the counter.

HE'S HAVING A HARD TIME OKAY.]

[ooc: Kinda late sliding this in, but Asch has also suffered an allergic reaction to the pollen. He's been avoiding people though, so he... won't become aware of the side-effects until this post. |D]

Comments

[sacredashes]

[... but.

If this were some kind of cute romantic movie, this is the time when he'd take her hands and gaze into her eyes longingly. But that's not real. There are so many things wrapped up in him and looking at her like that just makes his heart hurt. He has important things to do. He has a world depending on him. And as usual, he has to do it alone. Whether he cares for her doesn't matter, because in the end, he's doomed to die anyway.

He sets down his dinner with a violent clang, and his fork jumps off the plate.

He's not hungry anymore.]

Take it if you want. I don't care. [That, at least, is the truth. He's the one who turns to leave this time.]

[ex_oneiromancer912]

Asch, stop. [She reaches out to grab his wrist, to stop him from--whatever he thinks he's doing. Sometimes, she thinks this is the sum of their relationship: Asch turning away and Morgana trying not to let him go.]

You can't tell me to stay and then go.

[sacredashes]

[He is caught. Were it anyone else, he'd swat them away and stomp off angrily. But she deserves more than that. He stares at her hand, halfway between being offended but also damningly reminded of the time he spent as a ghost.]

What do you want from me?

[ex_oneiromancer912]

[Morgana presses her lips tightly together. With all that had happened with Saga, she wonders if this is going too far. But it isn't quite that. It is only that she always feels like she is losing Asch.]

You're important to me.

[So what she wants is...]

[But she doesn't know what to say.]

[sacredashes]

[It'd be easier if she just hated his guts. If he could break all ties with the people he's met, it would benefit her the most. Asch isn't a good choice for a friend. He has to place other things first, and he doesn't have time.

(He never has time.)

He stares at her for a long moment, unable to wear the emotionless mask of a loyal knight. He's-- he's scared. This isn't how it was supposed to go. The only person who ever told him that he was important-- was lying, the whole time.

His gray-gloved fingers twitch. He forms a fist-- and smacks the counter, hard.]

How can you say that? [He doesn't look at her. He can't bear it.] How can you say that so easily?

[ex_oneiromancer912]

[She stares at his hand, at the violence, and years of Uther make her ready to snap back but that isn't it, is it? And when she looks at him again, she doesn't feel strong.]

It isn't easy at all.

[sacredashes]

[Her usual quiet, defiant look is gone. She looks exceptional-- exceptionally vulnerable. It's not a look he's used to seeing on her. It's a look he doesn't want to see ever again.

He wants to tell her all the reasons that being near him is a bad idea, but something else comes out instead. It's a reoccurring theme.]

... I'm sorry.

[ex_oneiromancer912]

[Morgana shuts her eyes. She takes a long, deep breath. Then she opens them and speaks to him.]

I forgive you everything

[So please take the world off your shoulders. Please don't blame yourself. Please don't slip away.]

[sacredashes]

[The trembling starts up again, but he fights it, pulls his shaking hand back to his side. The other remains in her grasp. He's afraid that he'll hurt her if he so much as tries to pull away too quickly. She's not that delicate-- she'd say as much-- but it's ingrained in him now.

And it makes things so difficult.]

You need to forget me.

[ex_oneiromancer912]

I won't.

[What is she doing? She doesn't know. She never knows with Asch, never knows where she stands, what she really wants. But she knows the need that drives her, and forgetting isn't in it.]

I can't.

[sacredashes]

You have to. [His voice is firm, insistent. He also hates being told 'no'.] I don't have time to sit around here and play games.

[ex_oneiromancer912]

[There is that word again. 'Time.' Like there is an hourglass around his throat.]

Why do you always speak as if you only have so long until... [Until you're gone.]

[sacredashes]

[He looks away and opts for silence. Or he would, if the strange experiment wasn't making things difficult for him. Something like fear flashes through his eyes, and he confesses through clenched teeth:]

I'm dying.

[Well, fuck.]

... Damn it—

[ex_oneiromancer912]

[He's dying.]

[No. He can't.]

You--

[Her throat stops. She starts again.]

How long?

[How long do you have? How long have you known?]

[sacredashes]

[He winces, though if it's because of his condition or because he's trying not to say too much... it's hard to tell.

There are so many things he wants to say, and so many more he doesn't. But this goddamn curse doesn't give him a choice. And he can't drop from the Plane right now. He's in the middle of something back home, and not to mention, he could probably drag her with if he isn't careful.

That would be bad.

So he tolerates it, even though he doesn't want to. Even though she deserves better. By Lorelei, does she deserve better.

He stares resolutely in a different direction.]

I don't know. A couple months, if I'm lucky.

[But he doesn't believe in luck.]

[ex_oneiromancer912]

[If she could breathe before, she can't now.]

What is--[No.]

The Plane. It brings people back. It could bring you back. I could make it bring you back.

[sacredashes]

— Stop. [He cuts her off as soon as she starts the "I could--". Because she can't.]

No one is worth appealing to the Machine.

[At last, he places his other hand over hers. He feels warm. There is a slight humming, like the heartbeat of his soul. He tries to take her hand away from his wrist even so.]

It's probably beyond these people, so it's not worth worrying about.

[Yeah, he just said not to worry.]

[ex_oneiromancer912]

[She feels like he's fading, like her hands will shake, and maybe that's why she shouts.]

You're worth worrying about!

[sacredashes]

[Asch, on the other hand, is strangely quiet. It's like he's dead already. He is eerily calm as he continues:] You need to cut ties with me. I don't know what will happen to my world when I die, and you could be trapped. You need to stay safe-- for your people, and for the people here.

They need you.

[ex_oneiromancer912]

[It isn't fair that he could be so calm, that he could be dead and breathing when she is full of choked life.]

I can't just stop caring about you, Asch.

[sacredashes]

[He's in too deep. He was sure of it before, and he's sure of it now. If he goes down, then there's a good chance that he'll take a couple of people with him-- and he can't allow that.

It hurts. It makes him happy in a twisted way, that someone actually thinks he's worth caring about-- that he's worth the worry. It's selfish, and he knows that too.

But he has to die alone. Though the Score foretold Asch would die with everyone at Akzeriuth, and he made his own destiny... he's still going to die after all. So if he's going to die, then it should be alone, or at least alone with the other half of himself. He'd rather the replica weren't involved at all-- but it's too late for that. It's too late for a lot of things.

He tries to pull away again.]

Then care about me from a distance.

[The words sound coarse even to Asch. He doesn't want to do this, but he has to.]

You can't save me.

[ex_oneiromancer912]

[She catches his wrist. She is tired of being weak.] Try me. [Threats and promises are not so dissimilar, after all.]

[Morgana lets him go.] Eat your dinner, Asch. You look like you need the food.

[She walks away this time. She wants to leave before he can leave her. Before he can try to stop her from saving him.]

[sacredashes]

[His eyebrows rise at the threat, but before he can properly formulate a response-- she's gone. Her back is to him, and it's as if she's on a different world entirely when she's out of reach.

He can't control her. He can't control his fate. And yet, he is determined to die on his own terms.

He stares after her, but does not follow. The red sash remains on his arm. He has won no battles tonight, only lost ground. Lost time. But he has not lost everything.]