realityshifted | twenty-third pact - {voices of paired lives}

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tales of symphonia (d2) emil castagnier

twenty-third pact - {voices of paired lives}

[There is no fanfare when Emil arrives after a long absence. There is no panic, no anxiety written in his posture. He is sturdy, but in a way he is tired, and in another he is empty, and in an entirely different way he is full. Full of memories, emotions, experiences... and all of it is real.]

I... I remember.

[Uncertainty flickers across his expression. He's been lost for so long that he doesn't know how to hold onto this new knowledge. But he steels himself. Marta is suffering from what she's discovered about her own family. Though Emil is free now, there is still much to be done... and much to ponder.

He looks around for anyone he knows. It's time to do some explaining... and if Richter shows up, maybe ask some questions.]

[ooc: This is a mega canon-update. HAPPY THIRD RS BIRTHDAY, EMIL :3c]

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[There's a lot to be done, but even that urgency doesn't keep Mu from stopping to notice Emil. Curiosity would have drawn him over, but those two little words hasten his step.]

Emil...?

[Emil turns his head toward Mu. His smile is hesitant, if only because he's not sure what to be called anymore.]

Mu, I remember everything. All the memories that were mixed up in my head, and the nightmares... it all makes sense now.

And I'm still here.

You...

[It takes a moment for Mu's thoughts to catch up with him, and another moment while he processes everything, but the result is a matching smile, and a step closer.]

So you are, and I am glad for it.

[Emil closes the distance between them; he isn't too shy to hug the Saint.] Thank you. [His voice is half-muffled.] For being my friend through all this... even when I ended up being someone else.

[He pulls back and looks up at Mu.]

Ahah... You're probably confused.

[Mu finds it easier to return hugs all the time, and he does so, though he nods at Emil's comment.]

Somewhat, though I think I have something of a grasp on the situation. What's happened?

[His eyes drift to the floor.] I kept having these dreams where I was in a school, or someplace with a lot of books. And at the same time, I'd have dreams where I was being killed by Richter... None of it made any sense. Aster disappeared after a couple years of researching Ratatosk, and then his research was stolen, so everyone assumed that Richter killed him.

[Emil shakes his head.]

Aster and Richter were best friends. I know that now-- because I'm Aster. [He looks up.] But the one who killed Aster is also inside me. I'm... Ratatosk, too.

I thought I was protecting Marta this whole time, but really, she was protecting me.

[Suddenly, a whole bunch of things make sense, but Mu's brow still furrows a bit as he processes it all.]

I think I follow. How did you come to learn this?

I lost control and fought Richter. He was just an inch from killing me. That's... when it all came back.

[Any trace of a smile is gone from his face. He's had some time to deal with it all, but not as much as he'd like.]

It doesn't feel real.

I'd be surprised if it did.

[He squeezes Emil's shoulder gently.]

Give it time to settle. I think this has been building inside you for a long time now.

[This moment should be glorious. The nightmares and the strange notes all make sense, right? But it comes with a price. Emil knows he's a murderer now. He knows his life was a sham. And he knows, above all, that Crane was right.

He shivers a little, and not because of the temperature.]

... Please don't tell Richter. Aster is alive, but not in the way he would have hoped for. It would be cruel to make him fight against his friend.

If there's a way to live a whole life, I'll find it. But right now... it's my secret.

Then I will keep it for you.

[Mu pulls Emil back against him in a loose hug.]

Until you're ready to tell it.

[Richter has been dropping on and off the Plane without a word since Aster disappeared. A fruitless search, but just staying in the Ginunngagap with only the Centurions for company wouldn't have been much better. Still, he doesn't come to the Plane for conversation anymore, just to read in the Library or for a change in scenery.

Today, it happened to be for a change in scenery. He stood in the middle of the Plane, staring up and trying not to think about life, mana and the fact that he had been such a fool for thinking he could ever see Aster again. Either back in Aselia or here. So lost in thought, the half-elf doesn't even register that it was Emil's voice he heard a second ago-]

...?

[speaking of which, when did the boy - the Summon Spirit - show up?]

[Emil spots him immediately.]

Richter!

[His call isn't happy or distressed, somewhere in between, and less of the desperate whine he usually has. In that way, it's painfully familiar... like when two friends have an argument, and one is avoiding the other because he's afraid to come out of his shell.

Emil's feet carry him toward the redhead.]

Wait. I-- I need to ask you something.

[the wait comes just in time. His hair's gotten a bit longer since the last time they'd met each other, but other than that, he looks the same]

... What do you want?

[the change in his personality was noticeable. It was, but Richter had always been good at ignoring things in regards to Emil. This was no different]

[He frowns at that tone, but stands his ground.]

Why do you let people say that you killed Aster?

[The frown deepens, showing more than a hint of guilt.]

You weren't the one who did it. Everyone should know the truth.

[he freezes before turning away angrily. Ah, so Emil knows about that now?]

Does it matter? The end result would have been the same. [his tone turns remorseful for a moment] It would still have been my fault he died.

[Oh, Richter...]

He d-- wouldn't blame you. Going down there was dangerous in the first place. He knew that!

...

But it doesn't change a thing. [he turns to look at Emil again] They'd still say I killed him even if I pleaded innocence.

And it might as well be my fault. He asked me to accompany him, and I couldn't-

[ultimately, even if Aster didn't blame him, he'd always wind up blaming himself for failing to protect his friend]

[He lowers his arms to his sides.]

There wasn't anything you could do, [Emil murmurs. He wants to say so much more-- look at what you've become because of this guilt, look at what I've become-- but the words die before they reach his throat.]

[there was a thousand different things he could say to that, but what would Emil know? It didn't seem fair to take out his own issues on Emil -even though he's the Summon Spirit that started all this and wore the face of the young man Richter couldn't help- because didn't the kid have enough to deal with as it is? And he wasn't even there when this mess came about]

You can say what you want, what's done is done.

[a pause, before he says, bluntly;]

What do you remember?

[Richter doesn't do riddles very well.] ... Everything. [He wonders if Richter will choose to take his revenge on the Plane. Emil's already died twice here, what's a third time?

He glances away.] I've... killed so many people. I thought it was to protect Marta, but...

It makes me sick.

['everything'. It answers so much and so little at the same time] So is the boy standing before me Emil? Or Ratatosk?

[The hands at his side tighten momentarily.]

Both. And neither. It's... complicated.

[He doesn't want his friend to look so sad. He wants to-- but he can't. If he told Richter that Aster was still alive, what would he do? What would happen? Would the fighting really stop?]

... 'Neither'? [he's instantly suspicious, because that was not an answer he'd expected. All the uncertainty and theories and things hed rather not consider come rushing back to him. No, Emil was Emil, Aster was Aster and Ratatosk just liked to make things complicated for the half-elf. That was it.

That thought does nothing to quell the unpleasant sinking feeling]

[He shakes his head.]

I have one more question.

Did you... bury Aster?

[that question just pushed boundaries that no soul has ever thought to push] That's none of your business.

[far, far too personal]

[He expected that. He smiles, though it's more than a little sad.]

Of course. I'm sorry.

[He tugs on his bracelets as an afterthought.]

Now that I know what I am... are you going to fight me here?

[Richter doesn't say anything, just turning away with a scoff. He hasn't yet realized the difference between this Emil and the one he has watched learn and grow]

I said it before. There's no point in killing Ratatosk here. [because he doesn't know how much of his plan Emil has figured out, even though the young boy remembers who he is. And so long as that is undetermined, he cannot risk giving away more information than needed]

... [he looks like he wants to say something more, but decides to keep his silence instead]

[He reaches out to touch Richter's shoulder, but he stops himself and lets his hand fall back down to his side. He's out of questions and he doesn't want to risk telling Richter the truth. Aster is a very poor liar... and so is Emil, really.

He turns away as well.]

Thank you, [he says quietly.] The idea is probably hard to grasp after all of this, but I still think of you as my friend. And... I hope that one day we can fight alongside each other again.

[He lets out a deep breath, then begins to walk away. He tries to think of a suitable farewell, but comes up short.]

[some things simply don't change. The small quirks that Emil shared with Aster had been nothing short of heartbreaking in all it's familiarities. What had they done to deserve this sort of fate?]

...

[softly;] Somehow, I doubt that.

[it's hardly a farewell and hardly meant to be heard, but Richter's not in the mood to censor himself. He drops off the Plane and back to the Ginunngagap]

[ He has had his suspicions when they first met, and if anything, Kiran thinks that the boy's disorientation (or at least the appearance of it) is more pronounced. He doesn't think twice in padding over -- ]

O-oi, Emil! Are you alright?

[He blinks a few times, then smiles a bit. Oh, hey, it's Kiran.]

Yeah. I'm fine, just a little tired.

Do you-- need to sit down or... want me fetch you anything?

[ hover hover ]

[He shakes his head.] I was asleep for a while. I'm okay, really! ... Sorry if I made you think I was about to fall over.

[ Sheepish chuckles. ] Aa-- if you say so! It's just that you also looked kinda out of it last we spoke.

[ After a beat -- ] What is it you remember? If you don't mind me asking, that is.

That's a nice way of putting it. [A small, awkward laugh.

He looks a bit more alert when Kiki questions him, however.] It's complicated, but... I lost my memories because of something big that happened. I just got them all back.

I have a lot to think about.

Ah. I'm sorry -- about your losing your memory.

[ Kiran has not experienced anything of the sort, but he does understand having a lot to think about. ]

Well-- if you want to talk about it, I'm just around. Lots of thoughts is a big load to carry sometimes.

[through some sheer and random happenstance, the Doctor catches sight of Emil and, well, is very glad he seems much calmer than the last time he saw the young man. still, he can't help being concerned. something clearly happened for him to be remembering, but...that depends on who did the remembering]

You did, huh? [still, despite his concerns, he manages a smile] So...what shall I call you? "Emil"? "Bob"?

Doctor! [He's happy to see his friend, but it comes with some trepidation as well. He looks at his hands.] What I should be called? ... I don't really know.

I'm Aster-- but I'm Ratatosk, too. And I have memories and experiences as Emil. Those didn't disappear. I... didn't disappear.

But I still can't believe I'm... this.

[places a sympathetic hand on the young man's shoulder] A name doesn't change the person you are on the inside. You are whomever you wish to be. And, I'm very glad you didn't disappear. Never mind you wouldn't have anyway, not in a physical sense.

So what happened, exactly?

[Marta... didn't hear that, actually. But she does pop onto the plane not long after he does, looking to take a break as well. She has so, so much on her mind, she can't really bring herself to think on any one particular thing that's happened. Her thoughts are everywhere.

But she spots Emil... and, well, some things are more important in the moment.]

Emil...?

Marta... [His voice is soft and warm, almost hesitant.] I-- Guess we have some things to talk about... But first, are you okay? [He doesn't remember anything about the present-- not after blacking out. What happened to Brute?]

I...

[She frowns. Seriously, mental and emotional overload over here... it's so hard to process, and she feels so fragile, like just one slight misstep on either of their parts would just send her into hysterics. But darn it, she's going to keep it together. She has to.

She steels herself with a quick, deep breath, and nods once.] I'm okay. So much has happened... it's a lot, but... but it'll be okay. I'm not alone. That helps. [She manages a small smile for him.]

Daddy will live. He'll be okay. I mean, he's still... responsible for so much, but... he's alive. [She's looking at the floor now, hands clasped together behind her back.]

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twenty-third pact - {voices of paired lives}

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