realityshifted

[in the library, Oliver is sitting in one of two large armchairs with a side table between them. he doesn't have a book in front of him, though--he's just holding his black datapad, furiously typing something into it. on the table next to him is a cup of tea and a plate of scones, although they're no longer as warm as they were when he first started. he appears to have taken exactly three bites out of one of the scones, but the cup of tea has been reduced to half-full. at least it's not going to waste]

[Oliver himself is completely oblivious to his surroundings. he's so focused on what he's doing that, most likely, he won't even hear anyone approaching. but he doesn't seem to mind that at the moment; his expression is one of concentration. he looks tired, too. it seems all of the events on the Plane recently are taking their toll on him]

[muttering to himself] Damnit, I can't remember. They're my friends! I should know all this...

[does anyone care to interrupt whatever he's working so hard on?]

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He became the viking his father had always wished him to be.

I was not hurt. Do not worry about me.

Oh, god... Was everyone okay? Do you know?

[he sighs in relief to hear she wasn't hurt] Good.

I...tried to talk to Jamie, after, you know, I helped him. [he frowns, still worried about his friend, too] But I don't think he believed me. He thinks it was his fault.

Toothless was able to escape. The experiment did not see fit to give Hiccup the strength to match his temper.

I am not surprised. [Sorrowful, but not surprised.] Did he hurt anyone? With anything other than words?

[he nods] That's good, at least... I bet he's helping Hiccup now.

[and Oliver is suddenly extremely flustered] Ah, he...I... H-he...did something. To me. I... [Oliver shakes his head] He's probably still upset about it... [and Oliver is still scared about it himself--not that he wants to tell anyone that. after all, if anything, Jamie would feel worse if he knew]

I did not know. [Her voice was filled with sorrow, both for Jamie and for Oliver.] We will help him. We will help everyone who has been hurt by these games.

[Oliver doesn't know what to say to that. he nods numbly, but then he remembers she can't see it. when he speaks, his voice is soft:] Thanks, Leela.

We will do. We have to! I'm just... [he sighs] Not sure how...

No, neither am I. We must do what we can when we see him next.

[Oliver nods again. it's a bad habit. he hesitates, not sure whether to bring this up, but Leela is one of the only people he thinks he can get advice from in this case] He...said he wants to make it right for me. I can't decide what to do. I...it's complicated...

[he pauses] I'm...I'm not as brave as you think I am, Leela.

How many times will must you prove your bravery before you start to believe it is there?

[that reaction surprises him. it shows in his eyes as he looks up at her] I... [but he stops himself. what can you say to that? he doesn't know what he ever did to deserve such a wonderful friend]

I meant... [he hesitates, taking a deep breath. Leela believes in him, but he doesn't know how to handle this on his own--a fact that doesn't make it any easier to admit. he knows he can trust her judgment, however. and if she believes in him this strongly, even after everything he's done, he knows she won't judge him either] What Jamie did, I'm still... [he sighs] I'm scared, Leela. I could ask the Doctor for help, but then I'd have to tell him what happened. And Jamie wants to help, but he can't--and if he knew I'm scared, he'd just feel even worse! And... [he shakes his head, his expression pained] I don't know what to do.

I know. I understand. There is no shame in being afraid, only in letting it stop you from acting.

It was not Jamie. He wore his face, but he was not Jamie and he is gone now. What you must do is remember that.

[surprised] What? No! No, I know. I'm not afraid of Jamie! It's... [he pauses, knowing he has to explain but not sure how to do it. he sighs, glancing down at the screen of his datapad. he knows his new project is really just an attempt to help him feel better about this, but hopefully it will be useful in the future, too. and maybe telling Leela will help. he's starting to realise he can't handle this on his own]

He...changed my memory, Leela. A memory, he said. And now that he's Jamie again, he still seems to think it was just the one, so I bet it was! But... [he winces, closing his eyes. it's still terrifying for him to even think about] But he can't fix it now.

But how? How could he have done such a thing?

[No. That was not the right question to ask.]

He cannot fix it, but that does not mean that there isn't someone else in this place who can.

Whatever the Plane did... [Oliver shakes his head] I don't know. It was...like what the Doctor could do.

[but he grows quiet for a moment before admitting, softly] The Doctor could. But I'd have to tell him what happened.

You trust him, don't you? You will have to tell him.

[defensively] I do! But...Jamie's his friend, too. It'll--you know, upset him. [frustrated] And if I weren't so scared, no one would have to know.

The Doctor is wise enough to know that it was not Jamie.

You need your memory back. That is not fear. That is the truth.

I know that... [but he still feels guilty at the thought of telling him, even if he can't clearly articulate why. he doesn't want to expose the Doctor to the horror of what happened, certainly, and he's sure he will if the Doctor goes into his mind--but more than anything, he doesn't want to give the Doctor that one more horrific experience to worry about Oliver over]

[he's quiet for a long moment at that] You're...you're right. Even if it is a small thing... [he sighs, looking down at his datapad with a rather doleful expression] I've got enough holes in my memory already...

It is the right thing to do, Oliver. You will know that one day.

[he looks over at her, trying for a weak smile] Sometimes I forget how much older you are. Then you go and sound like my mum.

Sometimes, I forget how old I am. [Though she was no longer on Gallifrey. The years will catch up with her soon.]

Doesn't stop you from being all wise.

[he pauses before adding:] Leela...thanks.

Instinct is not wisdom, but thank you.

Who says you haven't got both?

Every Time Lord I have met.

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oliverplus - 2011-12-20 02:42 (UTC) - Expand

anoblesavage.livejournal.com - 2011-12-23 21:49 (UTC) - Expand

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