realityshifted | 001 Mix [Reprise of Arise Anew]

…so let’s recap here. There’s someone out there with just as much rage in his cassock as Vantas. That’s not a good thing so don’t go patting yourself on the back there, Explosion. It’s the don’t-go-down-that-road sort of thing and the less I see or talk to you, the better. Glad we got that cleared up.

And the other guy would make Lalonde get busy with her skirts. Speaking of which, Rose, you’re here right?

I’m not just the lone Dersite that popped up into that shop and waltzed right back out into space. Because I refuse to call it the plane. That’s soul bonder and hippies with their magic brownies territory and I’m not cool with that. And what’s with the talk about experiments? [Dave pulls his hood off his head and straightens his shades so he can look around.]

That sounds straight out of some horror movie where the main chick goes on about how her dad was doing all this stuff but, they never heard from him again. Only shit son he’s right behind you with a needle. Whoops, there goes chump number one. Who’s next?

[At the lack of reply he frowns, waiting but hearing nothing.]
…

Hello?

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[The kid is slightly above average height and with the flattest expression on his face that could ever exist.]

Right, I'm some super genius out to take over the world and stroke my cat all day. [The deadpan is delivered without a facial twitch to give anything anyway.]

Actually just a Knight, but I do mess around with photography. [Photographed a hologram of his own brain in a jar once.]

So Nathan then. [There's a pause.] How many people travel this thing, seriously. You're the second person I've run into. And I've only been here fourteen minutes, fourty-two seconds, and 3 miliseconds.

...

If time is even flowing right here.

Yeah, uh... don't wear a watch up here. Time kinda stops when you come here, right? So you go back and your watch says it's like fucking... 3 pm and it's really like, 11 am.

[He shrugs weakly. He's still staring down; above average height or not, good ol' Nate is pretty huge.]

Fuck, uh, anyway, there's like. Fifty people here? Or more, I dunno, I never counted them. [He sucks on his slushie.] Plus people keep fucking coming and going, no point in trying to, uh, count, you know?

Well that explains why I can't feel jack shit about the time here. Good to know, I guess.

[Oh yeah, Nate is very big, Dave has to crane his neck to look up at him.]

Makes sense. ...though calling it the Astral Plane still seems a bit trippy. It's like an intergalactic airport but without the flat 'now boarding' 'get yo ass to the gate' commentary.

[He raises an eyebrow and looks around once, the broken sword in his hand disappearing in a click and a tiny flash. But his head turns back to the taller guy with a nod.]

How long have you been stuck popping in and out?

[He looks up in thought, his brow furrowing.]

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Like. A year? Pretty sure things are like, way fucking off since I was stuck up here for a fucking month.

[He rubs the side of his neck.]

And, uh, yeah, that whole astral plane thing is fucking bullshit. You know who goes on the 'astral plane'? Those fucking weird chicks on the internet who are like 'oh, I am totally married to the soul of Frankenstein, he's just misunderstood!' Yech.

Ouch. That had be a shitty time. What is even on this starport? I haven't had a burger in...way too long.

[That gets a laugh out of him and he spreads his hands.]

Don't forget the ones that get all upset when you call them on it. Suddenly they're proclaiming the light is on their side and oh my god we'll curse you, diaf! And glorious hilarious, hate mail ensues. Also hippies man.

Seeing Puff the Magic Dragon or some shit and telling you about it at three am.

[This kid seems alright.]

Uh, most of the shit is described in the brochures. Probably Irving's. Haven't fucking read mine since I made it, and, uh, haven't updated either.

[He finishes up his slushie and drops his arms to his side, now free of the worry of spilling delicious frozen drinks.]

Oh god. Do not get me fucking started on hippies, ugh. Does anyone even like hippies? I mean, okay, they came up with some fucking badass drugs, but fuck. [He pauses.] Though, uh, I guess if it was between fucking hippies and chicks saying they're like... married to me on the astral plane, yeah, uh, I'd rather- I would rather deal with hippies.

It's cool, after the few pages of 'go die' I got bored and read the other one.

[Nathan's not so bad, kinda like Bro but with less irony.]

Dude, no one does. That's why we call them hippies. They're the inbred cousin of hipsters. Or fuck, what came before like the chicken and the egg. Only lamer.

...yeah I'd take the hippies over that. Batshit like that should only be dealt with once and forgotten about.

Yeah, I, uh, I kinda fell back on how I write shit when I'm forced to do public junk. You know, tell them to go fucking die. ...Or when I send out fucking emails to whatever fucking fan is bugging me. Ugh.

[He sniffs with disdain.]

Pretty sure hippies came first. Like... uhhhhh. Sixties or something. And we all know the only good shit the sixties did for any- anybody? Was the drugs and the birth of metal.

Hm. I know a guy who willingly submits to writing public memos and drafting all the important information up for the rest of us who pretty much tells us the same thing. In gray caps because he's an asshole.

[Dave laughs at that.] Damn straight.

001 Mix [Reprise of Arise Anew]

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