realityshifted | (no subject)

[Content to let someone else do the leading for a moment, she lets herself fall into step with him.]

I stayed away from it because I was always afraid I would lose control. Somehow I don't think it matters anymore...

Don't think of it like giving in. Think of it like... celebrating. You're celebrating how far you've come. What you've managed to accomplish. The people you've met.

[He leads her gently. Even now his presence is warm.]

You're remembering the bad stuff, too. The people you've lost, the things you couldn't finish...

Something like that, anyway.

"Do not go gently into that good night." I never cared for English Literature much but I think almost everyone knows that one. I think I'm almost raged out, though. That's all I've had to my name for the longest time now... I don't even have a home anymore. Just meaningless anger.

[It's strange in a way. She's forgotten how warm people can be when they're not turning into monsters and fighting for their lives. Right now she doesn't shy away.]

I lost contact with the others after it all fell. I think I'm the only one left... for now.

When you've done all you can and you're still angry, that just means you're tired.

[He gives off big brother vibes. It could be that big trenchcoat. He loaned it to Ai once when she was having trouble.

He smiles at her. It's a touch sad, but it's completely honest as well. Something rare from Axel.]

If that's the case, then I'll share a little of that loneliness. It's the least I can do for a friend standing at the end of the universe.

I've been tired for a very long time. I just have an endless supply of anger to keep me going. For a brief moment I wondered if I could finally see the end of that, but... life doesn't work that way.

[That must be it. She hasn't had a brother in years. It's that familiar feeling, that closeness without threat. She doesn't have to keep him at arm's length from her to protect him from her darkness.]

It looks exactly the same. The sky, when it fell... it looks like the sky here. Infinite stars. It really is looking out over the universe... and wondering if it's just better to jump in.

Maybe it's for a reason. Maybe you're supposed to get a few minutes like this. Don't question it, just go with it. ... It might be the only peace you'll know.

[Axel has a lot of darkness. Maybe that's why he's staying here instead of running away or screaming about fate.

His voice brightens, that same easy, half-sarcastic tone.]

Last time I did that, I woke up in some crazy castle with a bad headache. I don't recommend it.

A few minutes... of numbness? Clarity? ... humanity? ... I'd forgotten what that's like, to be honest. It's so quiet right now I can actually hear myself think, for once...

[Part of her wishes she'd met him sooner. That part has a lot of regrets right now, though.]

I'd probably end up flying out in a rage fit to destroy something if I tried. There's self-preservation in anger, too. Although I could do without the headache...

It's kinda beautiful, isn't it? Beautiful and scary. It's hard to listen to yourself when you're fighting for your life. They say the universe sounds like B flat.

[They reach the bar.]

This is the part where I'm a bad host and tell you to make it yourself. I have no idea how to mix drinks.

If I'm being given this, then there really must not be any time left.
B flat on what scale? All I can hear is the locrian right now.

[another one of those laughs. Her grip tightens just slightly for that moment before she releases him, going to sit on one of the chairs.]

I only know what I've heard. Right now I'm not sure it matters. Do you know what a 649 is?

The scale of stars, maybe, if there is such a thing. I never saw the universe as dissonant myself. Maybe that makes me optimistic, but I think I know the void better than anyone.

[That's not a nice laugh, and it makes Axel frown a bit as he turns to the cupboard.]

No idea. Want me to grab something off the top shelf?

I see everything as dissonant. It's like a sort of nails-on-chalkboard grating sound in the back of my head that keeps me on my toes, I guess. It feels as though something is wrong for things to be so quiet.

From what I've heard, it's sixth bottle, fourth bottle, ninth bottle. Completely random. Like a lottery. Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's horrible. Just like life. I thought it might be apt.

Who cares if it's right or wrong? [He sets out a chilled glass for her, then turns back to the cupboard and picks out the sixth from the left, fourth from the left, and ninth from the left.] I used to be that way. Asking why this, why that. Why can't I be different? Why can't I see more? Why can't I know everything? Why can't I do everything on my own? [He splashes a bit of each bottle into the glass, then slides it over to her.]

Not everything happens for a reason we can understand. And at some point, playing hero becomes way too hard.

[She nods in thanks, staring at the fluid in the glass curiously as she contemplates his words.]

I stopped asking why when I was the one finding out answers for everyone. Somehow what we did was cobbled together from theories and it worked. And here it is now, the last legacy of a dead world. [she points at her head]

People can't do things on their own because they're not perfect beings. People need people to survive. The more you approach perfection, the more monstrous you become...

Of course, monstrous is a subjective word.

[Axel gets himself a soda and sits behind the counter, across from Reiko. He's not brave enough to drink yet.]

Being perfect and being whole are two completely different things. I realized that a while ago. Life can be pretty empty when you realize what you think you want isn't what you really need.

Good people, bad people... at the end of the day, we're all just people.

[She picks up the glass, eying it carefully, swishing it around.]

... then here's to a lifetime of bad choices and bitter disappointment.

[she takes the drink like a shot, before slamming the glass down on the counter and bending over, coughing violently. Looks like someone got a bad mix...]

Don't be like that...

[He pops opens his soda and takes a drink, then notices Reiko having some trouble.]

Whoa! You okay? Maybe you should've sipped that.

[She looks up at him for a moment, coughing into her fist and wiping her eyes.]

... stronger than I was expecting...

[She shakes her head, though]

It's the truth. I've had time to think about it. It's amazing how you can damn yourself with a single choice based on the heat of the moment.

Geez... maybe you should stick to just one bottle next time.

[He taps the top of his soda can with a finger.]

Don't I know it.

But that was the past, right? You wouldn't be who you are now if you chose something different. Even if it was the wrong choice. Good choices have consequences, too... things you still feel months or years later.

It's time to live large like I mean it, isn't it? Isn't that what you're supposed to do before you go?

[She traces the top of the glass with a finger lightly.]

Let's not get into multiple reality crap. That's all my life was full of the past few years. I'd like to live in one reality and leave it at that for a good, long time.

I think there's a better way to do it than coughing up your own lungs.

[He watches her for a moment.]

How about a dance?

[She looks up in something resembling surprise, before throwing up her hands in a "why the hell not" gesture.]

Just a warning, the last time I danced my brother was balancing me on his feet.

[He smiles at that.]

Not like I'm an expert, either.

[He hops over the counter, bows with a flourish, and offers her his hand.]

Just follow my lead, you'll be fine.

[A small smile, at that. She gets to her feet, taking his hand - she can't hide the slight tremour in that. The effect of a strong drink of a weak system...]

I'm good at taking orders. I did that for a living, too...

Eh, I don't give orders. I'm not the leader type. [He squeezes her hand. That tremor is bad and he wants her to know he's still here.] I just do what I want.

[His other hand finds its way to her side, neither too high or too low, and they begin to move to 3/4 time.]

This okay?

Neither am I, to be honest... I'm just damn good at pretending. Was necessary in this line of work...

[She's a bit stiff - she's used to reacting in tense snaps and bursts instead of simply flowing with things. It takes her a moment of stumbling before she realizes that she needs to actually relax and not try to direct where her feet are going.

A good brace of alcohol does wonders for helping someone to relax, though.]

's fine...