❝Don't worry, the worst that could happen is we all die.❞

[clinical]

[Jade (in military uniform, thank you very much, as no one has made him dress up like an Abyss Ranger today) is leaning against the information kiosk. One must assume he read both pamphlets, as each is open in his free hand. The other hand has obviously found its customary home in his pocket.]

My, my, this will be a problem.

[Jade makes a careless gesture; a glowing circle of glyphs appears over his hand, and both brochures are instantly incinerated.]

I don't have a scalpel, and I've never heard of oolong tea.

Comments

[youidiots.livejournal.com]

[OHSHI---- it's a fonist. Military, judging from the uniform... PERFECT SOLDIER MODE, GO]

Please identify yourself.

[royallybitching.livejournal.com]

[Luke doesn't know what's going on BUT HE IS HUNGRY.]

It's not that big of a problem. At least you aren't starving.

[youidiots.livejournal.com]

[sweet lorelei on a bicycle luke]

You're the one who didn't want to eat lunch...

[clinical]

[It is a lot harder to come up with brilliant, witty, hilarious, and bastardy commentary when someone you know to be gone is right in front of you. This is the man who failed to bring back the dead.]

[But Jade did read the pamphlets. With Tear's comment, it's not hard to work it out. So it's time to make a quick decision]

Colonel Jade Curtiss, Third Division, Malkuth Imperial Forces. Locrian Sergeant Tear Grants, Luke fon Fabre, you are both under arrest for illegally crossing the border into Malkuth territory.

[Yes. In times of stress, you do what comes naturally to you. And in Jade's case, that's messing with people.]

[royallybitching.livejournal.com]

[Luke has a perfectly rational reaction.]

What the-?! Hey! How do you know who I am? Are you the one who kidnapped me!? [Then a pause and he grins.] But guess what! We aren't in Malkuth. We're in space! So you can't do anything to me!

[youidiots.livejournal.com]

[ghajlhfakjaf]

Luke, be quiet!

How do you know who we are?

... he has a point. We're not currently on Auldrant, if what we've been told is to be believed.

[clinical]

You've recently travelled from Baticul to Tartaroo Valley via hyperressonance, correct? I'll have to tell the Emperor that Kimlasca has been researching hyperressonance for espionage purposes, and that they've begun gathering support from the Oracle Knights . . .

[youidiots.livejournal.com]

Colonel Curtiss, if I may offer an explanation?

[royallybitching.livejournal.com]

[Muttered.] You sound like some freaky stalker.

[clinical]

[Well, he's done this one before.]

Family names are so formal. Call me Jade.

[Speaking of freaky stalkers, whenever Jade glances at Luke, the look he gives him is a bit . . . odd.]

[royallybitching.livejournal.com]

[He notices.] What the hell are you looking at?

[youidiots.livejournal.com]

[Definitely notices that look, but is far more tactful about it than a certain redhead...]

The hyperresonance that occurred was due to lack of combat preparation between two Seventh Fonists. Neither the nation of Kimlasca or the Order of Lorelei were involved in its creation, and neither should be held accountable. I was simply careless...

[clinical]

[The answer is 'the walking dead.']

Luke, don't talk when Tear is going to give an explanation. You make yourself sound even more ignorant in comparison.

And Tear, next time you attempt fratricide, please don't allow such useless civilians to get in the way. You should have had a hyperresonance with Guy instead.

[youidiots.livejournal.com]

... wh-what-- how do you...

... who?

[royallybitching.livejournal.com]

Wh-what?! Hey! I'm still learning, all right? It's not my fault! Maybe if Malkuth hadn't kidnapped me... [Pause.] Guy? What do you know about him? He's just my servant.

[clinical]

I have a friend in the Intelligence Division.

[It's technically true. Also, he really needs a drink.]

Have you left Tartaroo Valley yet?

[youidiots.livejournal.com]

[dear jade you are an asshole. just saying is all.]

[now she's going to be on the alert for SECRET SPIES as well...]

... your friend must be a bit behind if they haven't given you that piece of information.

[royallybitching.livejournal.com]

[Luke puts a hand on his hips - bitch pose time.]

Like we're going to tell you anything! It's none of your business!

[clinical]

[It's scolding time!] Luke. If you keep that attitude up, you'll end up with a haircut.

[To Tear,] I try not to ask miracles of people. [Oh look, an obnoxious smile.]

[immarcescible.livejournal.com]

Well, if it makes you feel better, um...sir, I've only recently heard of tea at all! So especially not oolong.

[youidiots.livejournal.com]

You already know a good deal about us. You should know that I simply wish to return Luke to his home in Baticul. Being captured by the Malkuth military would hinder that endeavour greatly. If you wish to find us, you'll have to do it the proper way.

[royallybitching.livejournal.com]

And what the hell do you have against my hair?!

[immarcescible.livejournal.com]

{Jade, be nice to Guy}

My name is Noa! I'm new here too.

[clinical]

Oh, I won't arrest you here. I don't have any handcuffs.

[youidiots.livejournal.com]

This place is outside of your jurisdiction, as well.