Sacris Solemniis

[collector]

[Teapot before him, a plate of pastries beside it, Braxiatel sits at the kitchen table with Strindberg's Ett drömspel open in front of him. Braxiatel stirs sugar into his tea, and a faint smile crosses his face as his eyes flicker to something in the seat to his left.]

[He leans forwards and pours a second cup of tea, then lifts it up to hand it over, the smile widening.] I don't know what you mean by 'ulterior motives,' Comman—

[Braxiatel's fingers tighten on the cup before he can let it go. For a moment, it hangs there, hoping for a hand that cannot take it.]

Ah.

[It is a quiet realization.]

[Braxiatel sets the cup down, away from him. He leans back in his chair and picks up a scone to eat.]

Comments

[onehundredbeers]

It'd just knock out some teeth.

[He finishes his tea and sits there for a moment.]

I'm going to make some coffee. Damn, I could use some.

[And so he gets up to go do that.]

[collector]

[Well. He tried. Braxiatel pushes himself to his feet.]

I can make it, if you'd like.

[He is somewhat wary of the possibility of Nathan blowing up the kitchen.]

[onehundredbeers]

[He shrugs.]

Hey, if you want to, man.

[He steps back to let Brax do his thing.]

[collector]

[Braxiatel prepares the coffee, and he's fairly good with it. It isn't magic coffee, but he is very competent at feeding himself and other people.]

If you find that man again, before you punch him, would you mind getting his name? I'd like to have a word with him.

[onehundredbeers]

[He slumps down in his chair.]

Yeah. I don't know, maybe I won't punch him, maybe I will. [He exhales a bit.] This place just isn't as fun as it was.

[collector]

Fear and suffering tend to have that effect on a location.

[onehundredbeers]

No way! Fear and suffering are totally metal and awesome.

[collector]

[Braxiatel almost considers it an intellectual challenge to try to put together Nathan's worldview.] Even when you're the one experiencing it?

[onehundredbeers]

[Nathan considers this as he begins to play with a spoon. By seeing if he can get it to stick to his nose.]

...No. But it's metal when it happens to everyone else. And, uh... I guess it could be metal for me to, to watch.

[The spoon falls off his nose in a clatter. He begins trying again. By god he will defeat the spoon.]

[collector]

[pouring the cup of coffee] It would, in my opinion, be 'metal' to risk life and limb to turn the situation around. Would you like your coffee now, or would you like to overcome that spoon first?

[onehundredbeers]

Coffee.

[Despite that, he still tries to make a valiant attempt at getting the spoon to stay, though it is still in vain. He stops for now.]

I'm, uh, not actually a fan of fighting. Like, me. Fighting. I can do it, but I'd rather, you know, not.

[collector]

[Braxiatel sets the coffee down so he can go back to his chair.] So hacking those zombies to death was a matter of necessity.

[onehundredbeers]

[Nathan, unlike with his tea, takes it completely as is.]

Yeah. I mean, shit! Like I was going to stand there and let them kill me.

[He's still mannerly.]

Back home, uh, I- we have people to protect us, you know? The Klokateers. We've had to defend ourselves when they were defeated, but it's... we aren't fighting types. Except with each other. It is totally cool to kick each other's asses.

[collector]

Why is that 'totally cool'?

[onehundredbeers]

Because.

[He sips his coffee again.]

Okay, no, it just... it is. I've lived with them all for... like ten years. Some of them longer. I hate them, you know? I see their faces every fucking day, I'm always around them, I have to hear them piss and moan and whine and argue. We all hate each other. So, you know, if it gets too far? We just beat the shit out of each other, and it's all cool.

[Nathan pauses for a minute, and brushes a few stray hairs out of his eyes.]

Though, don't get me wrong, even though I hate all those fuckers, I wouldn't trade them for anyone.

[collector]

[Nathan has offered Braxiatel many strange conundrums, but he understands this completely.] Oh, I see. I'm very happy for you.

[onehundredbeers]

[Nathan laughs a bit.]

Oh god, don't say that. That makes it sound gay.

[collector]

If you take it that way, it's polyamorous as well.

[onehundredbeers]

Ew, oh god, no.

[He looks absolutely repulsed.]

Irving, never, ever, ever, ever insinuate that again. Seriously, ugh, that is- that is disgusting.

[Oh god.]

[collector]

[calmly] You're the one who called it gay.

[onehundredbeers]

[Nathan continues being repulsed!!!! Eeeeeeeeeew!!!!]

Oh god I think I am going to be sick.

[collector]

[pointing] The sink is that way.

[onehundredbeers]

[Nathan immediately flashes Brax a thumbs up and moves like a man on fire to throw up. Okay then. When he finishes, he comes back, sits down, and sips his coffee as if he hadn't just thrown up in the sink.]

So, uh. We're never going to insinuate that again. Or mention it. Ever.

[collector]

[Braxiatel, for his part, doesn't seem to be aware that anyone did indeed just throw up in the sink] I don't know what you're talking about Nathan. How's the coffee?

[onehundredbeers]

[Nathan is cool with this.]

It's alright. I'm sort of used to going between shitty coffee that the guys try to make or Jean-Pierre's stuff, so it falls around the middle. A bit more into, uhhh... the good side, though.

[He contemplates this.]

Maybe an 8? Yeah.

[That is assuming Brax somehow didn't completely ruin the coffee. Even then it's still probably an 8 compared to how the rest of the band makes coffee.]