realityshifted

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doctor who (d1) oliver day

[011]

[Oliver has clearly not been having a good time of it lately. by the look of him, he's recently been in a fight. with what, exactly, is anyone's guess, considering what the Plane is like at the moment. in any case, he has bruises under both eyes, with scratches and contusions on his cheeks and forehead. actually, any later Doctors might find his exact injuries uncannily familiar. they are, in fact, the very same injuries he had when the Doctor found him in an alley after he was unknowingly possessed by a particularly nasty brain worm known as the Puppeteer]

[at the moment, Oliver is wandering the edge of the forest. his hair is wild, and so are his eyes. his clothing is rumpled and streaked with dirt, and he has a very stormy expression on his face. he's glancing around as he walks, his eyes flicking from one direction to the next, muttering quietly to himself]

I thought I could--no, he thought he could escape. Or even fight me again. Hah! [laughs darkly] Like he could do that, broken as he is now. Idealistic fool. He lost before he even started. And now... [grins] Oh now, I just have to find someone, and it'll be worth every minute in this pathetic human body. [chuckles to himself, but the sound is callous, his face twisted into a very un-Oliver-like sneer] People are out here somewhere...

[ooc: Posting again because I have free time this weekend, and ~~Farrah is persuasive~~ I couldn't resist the hallucination plot! Unfortunately, Oliver's hallucinations have been too immersive for him. While he isn't physically possessed by the Puppeteer, he has experienced a hallucination of being possessed (complete with getting a little beat up, oops), and at the moment, he fully believes he is. He's even hearing its voice in his head. This means that, though he lacks the accompanying super-human strength and speed of an actual possession, he is currently unstable and ready to start killing. Be warned that he will attack others--in his clumsy, human way]

[Also, if Oliver hasn't already interacted with your character since his choice last week, please still leave contact info so I can ask a question!]

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[glances at the tea and the plate of delights before he turns back to her, still numb with confusion, but a whole mess of other feelings are lurking just below the surface] I...I don't understand what happened. I thought I... But I was injured, and now... [shakes his head, rubbing one throbbing temple] What happened, Sirkka? Did I...did I really attack you?

[calmly, exuding reassurance] It was a hallucination, all of it. There's no trace of what you thought was ailing you, and no, you didn't hurt me.

[closes his eyes, grateful for that feeling of calm, but it can't quite stop his worried thoughts] But I tried to. [it's more of a statement than a question--he's sure it's true]

[a soft sigh] You tried, but it wasn't your fault.

[the words are out of his mouth before he even thinks about what to say] It was. I should have been able to stop.

You were hallucinating. That is in no way your fault. It could have been something on the Plane doing it, or someone else's interference.

It probably was, but I still think I should've been able to stop. You snapped me out of it like it was nothing. [sighs. he didn't want to say that. takes a sip of tea, hoping it'll stop him from saying anything more]

[Her lips form a purple line. She looks away.] ... I'm more than an empath. I could break through that hallucination because my powers all have to do with the mind.

[glances at her in surprise. he definitely wasn't expecting her to say that] You don't have to tell me. ...even though I'd like to know. [okay, he didn't mean to say that last part, but he hopes Sirkka gets the idea]

You're my friend. So, you ought to know.

... All my brothers and sisters at home look a little like me. Pale skin, purple eyes, black or purple hair. Even Caz, who's black. And we've all got a similar range of powers. Different talents, yeah, but the fundamentals are the same. Telepathy, telekinesis, all the stuff you see on the sci-fi channel and more— that's what we call the "package", the thing that we've been cursed with since we can remember.

That kind of power can be abused, too. Mark brainwashed people, which is why we turned him out of Whitechapel. He'd make people into soulless, mindless drones for fun.

I would never do something like that, even though in theory I might be able to. There are all sorts of applications for it that we were never told about, or trained. We don't know why we are the way we are, but we live with what we know and try to make the best of it.

[looks at her for a long moment. then he opens his mouth and, his eyes widening, finds words tumbling out that he in no way intended to say] That's...that's frightening, Sirkka. That you could go into somebody's head and do...anything. I hate abilities like that. [cringes, closing his eyes briefly. it's true, but ohh, he didn't want her to hear that]

I'm...I'm sorry. I don't hate you. I'm not afraid of you! That's not what I meant. I've just... [waves a hand, meaning to be vague, but instead he finds the words tumbling out again] I've had amnesia--real amnesia--and then the Puppeteer, and I'm afraid, if my mind isn't mine, what is? I'm afraid I'll become something awful because of something I couldn't stop. I want there to be a way to stop it. So things like that scare me. But not you! Really.

Edited 2010-10-13 02:27 (UTC)

[That is pretty horrible, but to her credit, she just... frowns, and doesn't really look affected by it that much. Of course he thinks it's horrible. It /is/ horrible, and what Mark did was inexcusable to the nth degree.] I know. [Her voice is quiet and calm.] I know that what we're capable of is frightening, but I'm trying to use it to heal. We all try to help in our own ways. [She doesn't specify why. She hopes it doesn't need an explanation.

And then, a light sigh.] Everyone has fears like that. Even without supernatural powers involved, there's always that fear that maybe, just maybe, you'll do something horrible someday and you won't regret it. You might even like it.

[She looks up at him, her gaze almost pleading.] That's not being paranoid. It's called being a good person.

... I admit, even I don't know how to stop something like Mark... from happening here. All I can do is promise you that if it does happen and your mind isn't yours, I'll do whatever I can to bring you back. I always will.

[earnestly] I know you do. You've done nothing but help. I'm afraid of those abilities--not of you.

[he can't meet that gaze] I used to think I was a good person, but then I found out it's easy to make me try to hurt people. But...I don't think I'm as bad of a person as I felt like then. I hope.

[but he looks back up at that, full of gratitude--but also of worry] Thank you.

But if you can't...you'll stop me. Right?

Mm. And I appreciate that. I just-- I want you to know that they can be used for good. Maybe I'm trying to convince myself of it, but...

[She frowns a bit. 'I used to think I was a good person'... Who talks about themselves like that, really?] There's no huge red line between good and bad. Everyone's a little of both.

[... that's not helping.] If I can't bring you back, then I very much doubt that I can stop you either. I'm not going to take your life unless there's no other choice and I mean that.

[earnestly] I know they can be! You've been doing that.

[Oliver does! even in canon] [cringes] I...I know that. I'd say that about anybody else, but... [hesitates, his voice catching] I...felt so much hatred, Sirkka. I've been trying to forget it for...probably two years now. But what I just felt--it's still there. Inside me.

[closes his eyes when she says that. he wants to say something in response, but he's terrified to--terrified that he'll tell her just how much he'd rather die than become something like that. so he says nothing, full of fear and regret]

[Her frown worsens. Without any fear or hesitation, she moves over to Oliver and holds his head to her shoulder.]

Of course it's still there. Those kinds of feelings will always be with you. But you can live your life the way you want to if you just learn to trust yourself. Everyone at some point has been hurt so badly that they just want to stop it all. Stop the fighting, stop the hate...

Even I... have those kinds of feelings within me.

[he's surprised that she does that, but he doesn't resist--it's comforting. it takes him a moment to reply, his voice choked] How can I hate the people I love the most?

You love them too or else you wouldn't be agonizing over this. [She draws her fingers through his hair like a mother would.] You're human. You are wonderful in spite of all you might think. And I mean that.

[leans against her, fighting back the lump in his throat. it's bad enough that he's told her all this; he doesn't want to cry on top of it]

You're...you're right. I don't trust myself anymore.

But... [pauses, struggling to see the bright side--to find something he believes enough to be able to tell her] But you trust me. Thanks.

Of course I trust you. [She doesn't let go, and won't, not until he's able to support himself.] I love you. [She doesn't say it like one would say to a lover-- more like a sibling, or a very close friend.]

[chokes on a sob, trying very hard not to cry] You too.

[stays like that for a moment, but then takes a deep breath, slowly tugging away from her] I... [makes a face. when he speaks again, his voice is still unsteady, but there's a touch of his usual light tone to it] You know, I'd make a joke about my injured manly pride, but it's not true, so I can't say it.

Oh, Oliver. [She lets him pull away. There's a sad little smile on her face as she touches her lips.] You're lovely, you know that?

[he's starting to get back into his usual swing--or at least trying to, desperately] That's a bit optimistic, isn't it? I must look a mess. But you're lovely, Sirkka--spirit or otherwise.

Well, you know how I am. [She pours him some more tea.] And thank you.

Cheers. [takes another sip]

Hey, I wouldn't say it if it weren't true. [gives her a weak grin]

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