Bullet 02

[reverseptsd.livejournal.com]

[John is standing in front of the library, the doors wide open for now. Behind him there is a small stack of food, certainly enough to feed a few people for a couple of days, and the way things are organized makes it clear that he's still working on gathering more of it. His torch and breathing mask have been set down on a table near by, and his gun remains tucked away safely in his pocket.

When he speaks, it's with a clear, authoritative tone; not so much as one who is used to taking charge, but someone who is used to making decisions when no one else will]

As far as any of us know, we're stuck here for a while; until we figure out who's made the decision, none of us can go home. I've begun gathering food and other supplies, and have yet to encounter....anything in the library. You're free to stay here for as long as needed, and any information at all would be welcome.

The more of us that work together, the sooner we can go home.

Comments

[reverseptsd.livejournal.com]

And how do we figure out who it was? That's what I'm interested in.

[rationalist.livejournal.com]

[Almost grumbling.] My...current ability might be of use.

[reverseptsd.livejournal.com]

[Curious now] And what's changed with you?

[rationalist.livejournal.com]

[With a sigh.] I made a choice and was given...empathy for it. I can feel everything you're feeling right now.

[reverseptsd.livejournal.com]

[The curiosity amplifies, along with some concern] You made a choice, and now you can....feel emotions?

[rationalist.livejournal.com]

[He shifts slightly from the concern.] Yes. I was asked if I would rather know what people are thinking or what they are feeling. Now I feel everything. It's terrible.

[reverseptsd.livejournal.com]

[He frowns, looking over Sherlock. He may notice that there is now some guilt mixing in with his feelings] Can you control it at all?

[rationalist.livejournal.com]

[He actually flinches a bit.] No. Why do you feel guilty? This isn't your fault. It was my choice. A forced choice but a choice.

[reverseptsd.livejournal.com]

[The guilt only increases] It's not that.

[rationalist.livejournal.com]

[He frowns at him and even shifts more. Guilt is very consuming.] What is it then?

[reverseptsd.livejournal.com]

[After a moment] - I made a choice.

[rationalist.livejournal.com]

[He raises an eyebrow.] Tell me what it was.

[reverseptsd.livejournal.com]

[He frowns] It's not important.

[The guilt just intensifies]

[rationalist.livejournal.com]

[Sherlock can feel his own stomach turning.] John, just tell me. It had better be worth the guilt you're feeling.

[reverseptsd.livejournal.com]

I- I had a choice, between sacrificing you and everyone else. [As he talks, his guilt has been growing stronger, until it finally peaks when he speaks the last part]

I picked you.

[rationalist.livejournal.com]

[The guilt feels like being punched but Sherlock braces himself better against the wall. Despite it all, he can't help a shrewd smile.] Good.

[reverseptsd.livejournal.com]

[He frowns, a spark of anger there] Not 'good'. I didn't even have to think. I sat there and I knew what I was going to pick. I didn't even consider-

[rationalist.livejournal.com]

[He flinches and covers his face without thinking. It takes him a second to look up.] I would choose the same for you.

[reverseptsd.livejournal.com]

[The anger is quickly replaced by concern at that] It's different. You're...you. You don't care about people.

[rationalist.livejournal.com]

[The concern confuses him and he keeps his mouth slightly covered, idly rubbing his lips with his thumb.] Ah. You don't want to be like me. Understandable.

[reverseptsd.livejournal.com]

[Unfortunately for Sherlock, the guilt increases then, peppered with a bit of annoyance] Yes, I want to still care about people.

[rationalist.livejournal.com]

[He glares at him a bit.] Well, good to know someone still thinks so highly of me.

[reverseptsd.livejournal.com]

[He sighs, frustrated, but there is a certain fondness in the emotion] You're still brilliant. But you're not a people person; we both know that.

[rationalist.livejournal.com]

[A slight smile comes from the fondness. Though, he forces himself to focus.] Someone was trying to help me control this. I was told to think of what makes me feel 'safe' and to wall myself in that. If it isn't painfully obvious what I first thought of, then I'm going to call you a complete idiot.

[reverseptsd.livejournal.com]

[John starts to speak, pauses, then shuts his mouth for a few seconds, thinking. When he finally speaks, there is a distinct feeling of pride, combined with happiness and relief. The feeling of self-doubt is only a small, temporary flicker] Me.