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[bit_impossible]

[suddenly, without ceremony or the preceding sound of a blue police box tearing through and bending the very fabric of space and time, a tall, skinny figure in a pinstripe suit and long, brown coat appears on the Plane, but he is far too engaged in examining the object in his hand to notice where he is, or rather where he is now as opposed to moments ago.]

--o, no, this name is familiar, Harriet. Hold on, give me a mo'. Where have I seen it before...? [he pauses, tapping something in the theatre programme with increasing agitation until he suddenly exclaims:] Ah, I've got it! See, I knew I recognised that name! "Keri Vier"! Give little Keri another seven years and she'll start using the proper surname of her famous ancestor, Laurence--[he glances up just then, noticing that Harriet is definitely no longer with him]--oh.

[his eyes widen slightly as he glances around and removes his glasses, tucking them and the programme away into two separate pockets] Ohhh, I was just wondering if I'd get a chance to see this place again! Funny, that... Too bad that doesn't work when I really want to nip back to the TARDIS for something. [sniffs, then a broad smile spreads across his face as he gazes at all the stars around him] Blimey, would you look at this place?! Brilliant...it's absolutely brilliant! And--[he spins and spots something nearby]--oh, hello, what have we got here?

[heads over to an information kiosk, plucking one of the brochures up from the pile. after a moment of reading, he can't help feeling that there's something familiar to it, but he keeps to that himself] ..."The Astral Plane"? Oh come on, really? That's like saying--[but what it's like he doesn't get to say. his blood runs cold the second his eyes catch sight of another name he hasn't seen in a long time. a very, very long time.]

Comments

[collector]

Perhaps you don't want to spend money buying Christmas present any longer.

One of those bizarre quirks of Gallifreyan biology, I imagine. Remember Maxil? Omega killed you, by the way. That works oddly here. So watch out for him.

[He delivers it with the exact tone as he says everything else. Far be it for him to deliver shocking news in an appropriate manner.]

[bit_impossible]

I've never minded spending money like that, especially not for Christmas--or rather the Christmases I managed to arrive for.

[yeah, he can't forget Maxil. who can? but he holds up a hand, looking a bit exasperated and confused] He's still out to kill me? But what do you mean it works oddly here? That wasn't mentioned in your brochure.

[collector]

I try not to advertise new possibilities for murder and torture lasting across the centuries. As a rule. But yes, it does, in that you don't. Die, I mean. Or rather you do, but impermanently. And, if one case can be used to prove the point, we don't regenerate. We just end.

[bit_impossible]

End as in...die for good? The final death?

[collector]

So I'm told. The twins... resurrect the dead. It's not clear how. But people change when they do it.

[bit_impossible]

So...no regeneration, a temporary, sort-of death, and people still change somehow. [rubs his chin, mulling this over] Yeah, I really think you should put a little insert into your brochures about this.

[collector]

I won't advertise the impermanence of death. It isn't something most people need to know on arrival.

[bit_impossible]

It's something I'd sure as hell would like to know upon arrival. Not that I plan on dying here, mind you.

[collector]

And for the children here? Might they not wonder why we know that? What about the psychopaths? We both know more than a few people who would be delighted by the ability to kill the same person multiple times. It's something you do know. From me. Not from a brochure I have my PR Officer write up on a weekend.

[bit_impossible]

[sighs, knowing he's not going to win this battle] Broderick would really start to wonder by that point, wouldn't he?

Anything else? What about those changes?

[collector]

[No one ever wins against Irving Braxiatel!] An odd sort of blood, to start. Black, glittering. Like David Bowie got his hands on too much black paint and decided to put it to good use. Oddly enough, it has no effect on appearance and the rest. They blush as normal.

[bit_impossible]

[mutters] At least it was Bowie and not Stephenie Meyer.

But they bleed black... Not even a transfusion will fix that, will it?

[collector]

I haven't done any experiments on that, but---ahh, I didn't mention that, did I? [He clears his throat.] But a vampire here has blood like that, and I assume she can take in normal blood as well as the altered substance.

[bit_impossible]

[sighs] Oh, there would be vampires here, wouldn't there? Anything else? Werewolves? Banshees? How about Sontarans or Cybermen? [a slight pause] Or Daleks?

[collector]

No Daleks.

[bit_impossible]

[pulls a face] Well, thank goodness for small mercies.

Well, enough about that. Have to leave surprises for me to discover around here!

So... [sniffs, looking Brax up and down briefly] You know, it's difficult to tell when you're from when you refuse to change your appearance.

[collector]

It's part of my mysterious and enigmatic image. And I like this body. It has served me well. As you had no intention of telling me about what was to come, I see no reason to tell you where in history I am from.

[bit_impossible]

[glowers. he was trying to protect him, damnit!]

You know, I'm beginning to wonder why I missed you in the first place.

[collector]

You enjoy irritating me. It makes you feel better about whatever awful excuse for hair you've regenerated into this time.

[bit_impossible]

[sarcastically] Oh yes, hair jokes! I've certainly missed those! Go on, rank this hairstyle amongst the other ones I've had in the past. I'm sure it can't be worse than any of those curls phases.

[collector]

Was I joking? I didn't think I was.

[bit_impossible]

No, but you might as well get it out now. Think of this as your window of opportunity.

[collector]

No, I can't. It isn't inspired. The muse has left me.

[bit_impossible]

Has it? Oh, such a shame. Perhaps I should play some Chopin? Or Wagner? Or do you feel a little baroque? [smiles at his horrible pun]

[collector]

How about the very end of the Surprise Symphony?