realityshifted | At the Bottom

[this is an old argument, her arms cross]

Not enough.

A year from now, a thousand years from now when an asteroid slams into the library and the core goes dark? What will be left? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nothing for people like me to come and discover a hundred centuries from now.

I'm a ghost, Doctor. And you and I both know it.

Oh, don't tell me this is all about archeology.

It's about leaving something of yourself behind.

[her gaze narrows, she pushes away from the table to stand, and then she proceeds to pour the entire contents of her mug of tea into the Doctor's lap]

Like that.

Edited 2010-01-04 23:29 (UTC)

[and he hops up, crying out while he tries to brush the hot liquid off of his clothes]

Ow! First a bruise on my jaw, now burns on my---

[he tries to retain a little dignity, but looks more than a little pathetic]

You leave more than just things behind, River. The people you interact with, here, the life you've lived. It all matters!

[she closes the distance between them to stare up at him]

The people I interact with here, who go back to their lives. The life I lived, before.

But what about what's in there? Who is going to remember that? How can that matter? And I just stripped down and fully buried myself in it and for what?

And when I travel alone, not affecting anyone but me, does that change anything? Does that make me wrong? Sure, I might leave something behind, but it doesn't make what you do less important.

[beat] That being said, I'm not entirely sure you and Dr. Moon would work out. He's a doctor, yeah, but I remember you told me mechanoids were rubbish.

What, exactly, do I do anymore?

[Dr. Moon wasn't the -- Fine Doctor. Two can play at that]

Jealous?

Edited 2010-01-05 06:48 (UTC)

You live, River. You create new memories, you fight back oblivion. Most people would leap at that chance. [the Doctor included]

What? No! I was just---It just---don't try to turn this back on me!

I died fighting. [she walks back to the stove to put on more tea. These conversations make him hard to see] This is something else.

[but she does smile, if tightly]

Is that what I'm doing?

But you didn't die, River. I saved you! [this is v v important]

That's right. You saved. Just like I was, but not what will be.

[she puts the kettle on]

But for what?

You wouldn't be anything! Now you can create, you can live, you can experience life!

You stupid, impossible, pig-headed --

[she's not even shouting, it is just conversation now]

I used to be real.

But you are real, River. Don't you see that?

[steps around to be next to her and puts his hands out to touch her shoulders]

Real.

[she turns to face him]

Would you say that to Charlotte?

[and for a moment, he has no idea who she's talking about]

[and cue recognition] Her family was---they were trying to give her a better life.

[her arms cross]

Would you say that to Charlotte?

[after a long moment of consideration, he finally says:]

Yes.

[she just shakes her head, and spins back around to busy herself pouring a new cup of tea]

It's all right, really. It is not you I'm angry with. You were just being clever.

It's the other you. The future you. The one that knew. That shared. That ran. That I thought --

That's who I can almost get up to hating, sometimes.

I'm going to be him, you know. I'm going to be him, and I'm going to make the same decisions.

[takes a breath] Because life is more important than pride, River. Remember what I told you, about Donna? It's the same thing.

I met her finally, Doctor. Your Donna. I wonder if she would have chosen her half life either.

[she turns again, her back to the counter]

'Everybody lives.' I wrote that, like a fairy tale. I even read it to the children. What was I thinking.

[and he's upset, though he's not entirely sure why] You deserved to live, River. I'm not just going to give you up because of---because you wouldn't let me take that place!

Give me up? You don't even know who I am.

[she takes her mug and brushes past him, moving back to the table]

But I knew who you were. And I knew what I had to do.

[and perhaps because she does need reminding, River feels her fingers moving through her diary to a familiar passage. She hears herself reading it outloud. Hardly spoilers now]

When you run with the Doctor, it feels like it will never end. But however hard you try, you can't run for ever. Everybody knows that everybody dies, and nobody knows it like the Doctor. But I do think that all the skies of all the worlds might just turn dark, if he ever, for one moment accepts it.

Everybody knows that everybody dies. But not every day.

Not today.

Some days are special. Some days are so, so blessed. Some days, nobody dies at all. Now and then, every once in a very long while, every day in a million days, when the wind stands fair, and the Doctor comes to call... everybody lives.

[small smile at that] And everybody did. River, everybody either got out or got to live a life of their own. Sure, it's not the same, it's just---

[sighs] Who am I kidding? I'd hate it if it were me. And it will be, soon. I'll be sleeping in my own mind. If I even survive that.

[why yes, everything IS about him, why do you ask?]

[she flips the journal closed]

What makes you so certain?

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