realityshifted | (no subject)

Entry tags:

doctor who (d3) lucy saxon

(no subject)

[there is a Lucy on the Plane. she's standing near the desk her little!self had brought, idly flipping through the pages of one of her maths texts, her expression flat. is she upset? sad? indifferent? who knows. but she is looking. and, after a moment, she turns to the eight-track player, almost hitting 'play' but pulling her hand away instead.

finally, she takes a seat in the chair, which is a bit small for her, but she doesn't seem to mind, and pulls out another book on the desk. those with good eyes will notice it's a little girl's diary. that brings a smile to Lucy's face and she tucks it away into a handbag before standing.

and just so you all know? she remembers her experiment. all of it. have fun with that]

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I'm not ... I'm not a mistake. [digs her nails into her palm, trembling] I'm not a mistake.

[he pulls back a strand of her hair, gentle]

Are you certain of that?

I am. I've made mistakes, but I am not one of yours, Master. [vehemently, with a bit of anger cutting through the words] I'm not.

The problem, my queen, is that I have no way for you to prove it.

And at the moment, I hardly deserve your faith.

[takes a deep breath before turning in his arms so she can face him]

But you're everything to me, Harry. I realise that more now than I have in so long. [touches his cheek] I was so used to having my prince I ignored how wonderful it is. Losing you would be worse than death.

Of course, Lucy.

[he wraps his arms around her, but it may not be comforting]

Death is, after all, the end of everything.

[meets his gaze]

I would end it if that's what you wanted. If it pleased you.

Such an easy out.

[shakes her head] I never intended on having an easy out, Harry. I know I'm to be punished. I know I have to earn your trust back. All I want is to please you.

If that means dying a thousand times over, I will. I'll do anything not to lose you. Anything.

The say, though I don't believe them, that if you really love someone, you have to let them go.

I--

I don't...

[laughs weakly] Just let go? Of course. Of course, Harry. I'm sorry, I just don't-- [turns back toward her desk, resting her hands on the surface] I don't want...

I'm sorry.

[quietly]

Could you really?

Leave you? Let you go? [stares ahead, arms trembling as she holds herself up] I wonder sometimes if I didn't all ready when I betrayed you. I don't want to lose you, Harry. I don't believe letting go is necessarily love, but if it made you happy, if you were truly better off without me, I--

[quietly] Maybe it's the punishment I really deserve, dear. Nothing else would hurt so much as that.

Perhaps it is what you deserve...

Harry, I-- [she can't help it and breaks down, if only for a moment, before fighting to get her composure back, locking it all down beneath an empty stare] I know I hurt you. I do. And I was wrong. I was so very wrong. I've learned that, now. But I can't ... I don't want...

Please don't leave me alone, Master. Please. I don't think I could bear that.

[he looks down on her coldly, unreadable, and touches her cheek]

I would like to think you couldn't.

[doesn't flinch, but she does tremble]

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please. I can't bear to be without you. I can't. Don't leave me alone, Harry. I need you. I do.

I won't. Not today.

I won't stray again. I won't hurt you again. I won't. I promise, Harry. You'll see. I'll prove I'm still your queen, that I'm still loyal. I'll show you how much you mean to me, I swear it.

[he doesn't say anything, just turning a piece of her hair between his fingers]

[she isn't sure if his silence means acceptance or denial and so stands paralyzed between the two, taking what comfort she can from his playing with her hair]

I love you, Harry. Master. I always will.

Hate is easy and love is simple, I've been told. Do you believe that?

It's easy enough to hate, I believe, but love can't be simple. This isn't simple. If it were, none of this would have happened.

Nothing is simple, Master. I've learned that. All those times I thought it was, I--

This hurts too much to be simple.

So you agree with that Doctor. I shouldn't be surprised.

No... No, Harry, I don't! I don't! I'm nothing like him -- I don't agree with him! He isn't -- I don't...! I don't want... I...

[slumps in the seat, staring] Nothing... He's nothing and I... I'm not nothing, Harry. I don't want to be nothing. I can't ... I can't agree with nothing. Please, I don't...