oo3

[pimp-my-legend.livejournal.com]

{WHO MISSED EXCALIBUR?! Right, no one. Excalibur managed, somehow, to find a microphone, and thus, is broadcasting his legend for everyone on the Plane to hear. Oh, and he's standing on the roof of the theatre, so good luck getting to him.}

In the Northern lands,
The Legendary Holy Sword lies in a silent cave.
Everlasting,
The Holy Blade now stays eternally in that land.
He who pulls the Holy Sword from the waiting earth,
Shall be dubbed a hero,
And will conquer all under the sun.
With that attack alone,
All that stands before him shall be silenced.
With that single swing,
Time and space itself shall be cleaved,
Moutains shall be made,
And the Gods will tremble at its might.
Granted wings of light,
Like the most brilliant angels,
He shall soar through the heavens.
Indeed,
A hero.
This must not be forgotten,
For this is the great power of the Holy Sword.
We must repeat the tale of that legendary blade as long as we can.
We must repeat the name of that Great Sword for all of eternity!
The name of Excalibur!


Excalibur's legend is told,
Through lands far and wide,
How it began and where it began is known by all,
For the legend of this Holy Sword began in the twelth century.
This epic tale is told again for all to hear,
For this must not be forgotten.
Those that seek Excalibur travel far,
They shall travel to the cave.
And there,
They will find the Holy Sword!
Yet FOOLS they shall be!
For there are rules to using such a sword.
Excalibur's power does not come so easily,
Tor there are one thousand,
No,
Ten thousand rules that must be followed!
Those brave travelers must learn them all!
Yet if they can do so,
Glory shall await them.

Fool!
Excalibur's morning shall always start off,
With something so simple and so grand,
That only the potential weilder may perform it.
Excalibur's morning shall begin with the finest coffee.
For listening to the soft morning sounds,
There is nothing so calming as watching the morning break.
Indeed,
There is little better than Hoji tea.
This morning coffee, in its simplicity,
Is such an important rule.
Only such a thing can be,
Naturally,
The first rule.

Fool!
Bakane!
Excalibur's family is another tale of such regret,
This tale, so very lovely,
It is a tale of Excalibur's youth.
Walking the streets,
Snapping fingers,
Chewing gum,
And dancing with the perfect pompadour,
This is the life of the young Excalibur.
Prowling those desolate streets,
People would lose hope.
Alas! For those forgotten times,
They were all for naught.
For in those days,
Excalibur knew nothing of love.
For that one woman,
That first woman,
She said that she would leave one day.
When there was money to be had,
She would leave that town.
Alas! Excalibur did not respond,
And so he lost her.
But this was not in vain!
For Excalibur pleged himself,
Dedicated himself,
To never missing his seven o'clock news program.

Fool!
Excalibur is not discouraged,
For after the seven o'clock news,
He took upon himself a new career.
He traveled far and wide himself,
Becoming a member of a traveling troupe.
And what glory he seized for himself!
Excalibur, that great sword,
Danced in the most cultured cities,
Paris, Prague, London, Rome,
And so he danced in full opera houses,
Where no one dared to challenge him.
What thunderous applause!
What passionate exultations!
Thus, to act without thinking,
This is the ultimate epitome of folly!

Fool!
To think is to breathe,
And to breathe is to think,
As Excalibur proved in his residence in one of those cities,
Where he could see Big Ben from his window.
The United Kingdom is his home,
But London was but a stop upon his journey.
The clock strikes eleven, and a man speaks,
"Holmes,"
He asks,
"Have you figured anything out?"
The woman lays, dead, upon the floor,
A bullet's crude hole carved into her flesh,
That legendary detective replies in turn,
"Of course, Mr. Watson.
By the criminal's evil intent,
We were unable to see, blinded,
By this elementary trick!"
The butler and maid stands in the corner,
But Watson the idiot replies,
"Elementary?
But this room was locked from the inside!"
They are so stumped,
But only Excalibur knows!
It is so elementary,
That it has no need to be explained,
For Watson himself is the criminal!
And as Watson is led away,
Tears streaming down his face,
The butler smiles,
Relieved.

Fool!
But Excalibur's legend,
Despite his many accomplishments,
Began with Arthur!
Great Arthur,
Who waged war against the Romans.
The Romans pushed forward,
As Arthur and Excalibur looked on,
And they felt fear within their hearts.
For the Knights were few,
Yet the Romans did not seem to end.
Though Arthur was afraid,
Excalibur did not tremble.
Instead, they charged down that hill,
Where glory awaited them!
For not even the great, numerous Romans,
Could stand the might of the Holy Sword.

Fool!
All that hear this tale,
They must understand,
That Excalibur has always been a hard-boiled kind of man.
A bath of wine,
Where glasses are stacked high,
Excalibur demonstrated his generosity.
"Everyone!" he cried,
"Today is my treat! Drink and be merry!"
And that woman,
Who thought him so wonderful,
Seduced him to misery.
For as they lay together,
Excalibur was only struck by sorrow.
There was little to be had in life,
And it troubled him so.
This feeling continued and pervaded,
Until that faithful night.
There, Excalibur met her,
That beautiful goddess,
So pure and gentle,
Cassie.
Excalibur fell in love.
When you order a package,
You must always use cash on delivery.
Such is the lesson that this tale teaches,
And that is why it is the second rule.

FOOLS!!

To hear the rest of this tale, you must purchase my book.

I do not give autographs.

Comments

[silenteden.livejournal.com]

[Have a Kuhn, staring from below.]

... Huh?

((OoC: I think my brain just broke. XD ♥))

[pimp-my-legend.livejournal.com]

[pimp-my-legend.livejournal.com]

Listen more closely and you will understand.

[theguv.livejournal.com]

[pimp-my-legend.livejournal.com]

[pimp-my-legend.livejournal.com]

[pimp-my-legend.livejournal.com]

[pimp-my-legend.livejournal.com]

[pimp-my-legend.livejournal.com]

[pimp-my-legend.livejournal.com]

I would be amazed as well, but you need not hold your tongue!

[dritte-tochter.livejournal.com]

I am not a fool, desu!

[pimp-my-legend.livejournal.com]

[pimp-my-legend.livejournal.com]

You are a fool for suggesting you are not a fool.

[galeforcehero.livejournal.com]

[polite, disinterested applause!]

[pimp-my-legend.livejournal.com]

{Excalibur bows}

[pimp-my-legend.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Thank you, my beautiful audience!

[pimp-my-legend.livejournal.com]

How wonderful it is for you to listen!

[grand-gaia.livejournal.com]

....

[pimp-my-legend.livejournal.com]

...

[pimp-my-legend.livejournal.com]

[pimp-my-legend.livejournal.com]

Silence is a virtue.

[shadow-shot.livejournal.com]

[Silent and STARING, as usual.

Though, this time it's because she is thoroughly confused. Congrats, Excalibur. You broke the tiny!derp's brain.]

[pimp-my-legend.livejournal.com]

{Points cane at}

YOU THERE!!

[smolderingdark.livejournal.com]

[snore]

[pimp-my-legend.livejournal.com]

{Oh...how sad...}

[buckingbronco.livejournal.com]

[Just...staring. He's used to Reborn, and giant turtles, and other strange things but he does not know what to make of that.]

[pimp-my-legend.livejournal.com]

{Twirling cane and pacing}

[didorothy]

[before I get to Diva, Sam needs to see his best friend]

You're the most annoying person I have met.

[pimp-my-legend.livejournal.com]