realityshifted | (no subject)

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doctor who (d3) the tenth doctor

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[has taken off his coat and checks it over. looks rather disappointed to find a slash down the side]

My coat... [sighs] Most priests don't have swords, you know. Well, all right. Some priests do. Just it isn't exactly good for them to bang on about peace and then try to run me through.

[considers silently for a moment] Erm, Lucia, this isn't as bad as it sounds. You're not in trouble, really.

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[strokes her waist idly, not really thinking about it, just dancing with her] Ah, well, I did invite her along. She was going to come but the gaps in the windows made time pass differently. By the time I came back for her, too much time had gone by.

[doesn't exactly stop him, though she forces them to slow a little, pressing her fingers to his cheek, stroking lightly with her thumb] I am sorry, Doctor. I know how much it hurts you, watching their lives fade away. Everything must pass, but still. I would that you'd not have to feel that pain.

[smiles gently at her] It's all right, old girl. I have memories and you. That's not so bad.

No...I suppose it wouldn't be. [smiles, fingering his chin, and presses her cheek to his chest again, listening to his hearts and enjoying the dancing] Still...should you ever wish to see her again, Doctor...

[laughs softly, playing with her fingers in the hand he is holding] Nah. Best not to dwell on it. She wouldn't want me to. So! That was my French dancing adventure.

Doctor... [looks up at him, fingers dancing over his neck and shoulder and back into his hair, lips parted, breath quiet] Ah, yes. At any rate...if you've only just learned to dance, I wouldn't consider it one of your 'great skills.'

[smiles, keeping the dance slow] Well, I think I'm quite good at it, don't you?

[is silent a moment, then just laughs and nods, pressing close to him and closing her eyes] I do. You are good at so many things, Doctor. So very many things. Those who travel with you don't realise the wonder that you are, truly.

[sways her a bit as they dance] Maybe. I think some of them do, though. I show them time and space, the stars and worlds they couldn't even imagine. I'd like to think it opens them up a bit.

[rather enjoys this, still fiddling with his hair, breathing him in. she's not obsessed, no.] Is that really such a kindness, though, Doctor? You expose them to all these great things that cannot last. They open up to you, reach out to you, connect...but they cannot have you, either. It seems a cruelty to inflict upon these small people.

[smiles gently] I suppose that's a point. But life would be emptier without all that. It hurts, yeah, but it's better than numb.

But you aren't talking about them, are you, Doctor?

[blinks, then laughs a little] I guess I wasn't. But it applies to them, too. Not that domestic life isn't its own adventure, just, well...

As you should know. [smiles, tilting her head a bit and stroking the back of his neck] Do you want it back, sometimes, that life? To have a family again? You always seemed so happy back then, carting Susan about, teaching her to be as great a Time Lord as you. Those were not hollow, dull moments.

Mm, Susan. [does that sniff thing he does when he's thinking] It...I wouldn't mind it. Maybe something a bit like Ace, at least. Teaching someone again.

[quietly] Why don't you, then? Either your own or another companion?

[smiles a little sadly] It's a bit impractical.

I don't believe that. It wasn't impractical then, even with Ace and all the work you put into her. And you've said yourself you miss the Time Lords. Why not simply bring them back yourself? You have that ability. Are you so scared that you can't take even this step?

[shakes his head and stops dancing with a sigh] That isn't my right.

[frowns, staying close, hands falling to her side] Why not?

Even if I bring back the Time Lords, it won't bring back Gallifrey.

Then rebuild it! You hated that planet anyway, Doctor. Why not work to recreate it in a way that you can enjoy it? [sets her jaw] You do not have to be alone. Why do you insist on finding excuses to remain so?

I loved Gallifrey. The Time Lords, on the other hand, tended to be lower on my list. I'm not looking for excuses! It's just not something I can do. I'm not alone, anyway.

You wanted to leave as much because the planet bored you as the Time Lords frustrated you. And that ... monster ... is not a proper companion. Not a proper anything but a pest and a nuisance and a disease. But you cart him around and pretend he's something you need and ignore the truth of finding others who are actually worthwhile, content with the false illusion that this is enough and you don't need more. Having so little never used to be enough for you. Why is it now?

[quietly] It still isn't enough, no. But it's getting better.