treating patients is what makes most doctors miserable

[house-1-god-0.livejournal.com]

{House is sitting at his fairly cluttered desk, flipping a tennis ball in the hook of his cane idly with his feet propped up. Of notice on his desk are bone marrow biopsy tests, which are negative, and a blue folder labeled "TYLER" with just a few notes inside, it looks like.}

Female, 26, tonic clonic seizure. History of fatigue and a retinal vein occlusion two years ago. Took ecstasy about five hours before the seizure, according to Thirteen, placing two women, one of them my employees, together at about 3 A.M.. The patient rates Thirteen a seven, which is much more interesting than the probable cause of, unsurprisingly, drugs.

{He almost misses catching the ball, but an excellent save}

Thirteen thinks that the patient is a hypochondriac, but it's probably more like Thirteen doesn't want me asking this patient more about Thirteen than I really wanted to know. Maybe I should hire this girl to grab Thirteen's Huntington's test results next time Thirteen is feeling frisky. Lucas is too busy investigating Wilson's carbohydrate intake.

So, just in case it's not drugs, who wants to do some simple roleplaying for my team? Don't worry, no thinking involved, just stand there and look pretty. One of you disagree with everything I say, one of you agree, and the other one, don't decide on anything. It should be pretty easy.

{And as an afterthought, like he would forget,} Oh, and I need something from my crazy coma patient. You know who you are, so I don't really need to say much more than that.

Comments

[damnfinecoffee.livejournal.com]

[He tried to resist. He really did. But the repeated flipping and catching of the ball is too much for him, and he jumps for it.]

[oldoldghost.livejournal.com]

[Have a faintly interested looking Brigitta] I'm guessing you're a doctor of some sort?

[didorothy]

Do you spy on everyone you know?

[house-1-god-0.livejournal.com]

{Oh no you don't. He catches it in his hand before Ianto can grab it, but stares with a decidedly "wtf" expression}

Hey, get your own. If you're going to try and steal my stuff, at least be more discreet.

[house-1-god-0.livejournal.com]

{Sarcastic} No, of course not. I'm a pole dancer, I just like talking about medicine. It's a boring hobby.

[damnfinecoffee.livejournal.com]

[Staring back with a 'wtf' expression of his own. He really wants to pretend that didn't just happen.]

I wasn't stealing it!

[house-1-god-0.livejournal.com]

Not everyone. I haven't spied on Kutner yet.

[didorothy]

Only a matter of time, I'm sure.

What do you need?

[house-1-god-0.livejournal.com]

{There is totally a penis in that icon, fyi}

You jumped at it.

[oldoldghost.livejournal.com]

[Also sarcastic] Sorry, my mistake, now that I get a better look at you I see that you're obviously the type of person that dances around poles.

[house-1-god-0.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I was about to be offended for a moment. I also work on novels and compose music in my spare time. I'm a very accomplished person.

[damnfinecoffee.livejournal.com]

[I had noticed. Unfortunately that's the only icon of that scene I can find, and I'm pretty sure it's a part of the background anyway. :\]

I didn't jump at it.

[house-1-god-0.livejournal.com]

Medical history. Those tend to be important.

[oldoldghost.livejournal.com]

How could I ever make such a mistake? My deepest apologies... I bet you even lap dance on occasion.

[house-1-god-0.livejournal.com]

{I'll just respond to that with what Farrah said: "Farrah: ...WH--well it IS Torchwood}

You jumped at it. Come on, it's hard to refute what you did two seconds ago.

[house-1-god-0.livejournal.com]

No way. That's just not classy.

[didorothy]

[...oh]

I'll have to-- ['ask my DCI'? Er, no, not asking Gene, ta, would like to avoid that lecture] --I'll dig around for it. Has to be paperwork on it somewhere...

[oldoldghost.livejournal.com]

It is probably more comfortable then dancing around a pole for hours on end though.

[galeforcehero.livejournal.com]

I'd be glad to help. What do you need?

[house-1-god-0.livejournal.com]

If you don't have it, which I would guess is a big possibility, then I'll need to know everything you're allergic to, any medical treatment you've ever had, and any other symptoms other than the coma. Which is just a bitch to try and get written down correctly, so for your sake, you had better find it.

[house-1-god-0.livejournal.com]

Say that to the hookers.

[oldoldghost.livejournal.com]

But don't you dance around a pole, can I not ask you?

[house-1-god-0.livejournal.com]

Nothing, really. The biopsy results were negative, so unless she crashes, she'll be discharged. But it's never that easy for cases I take.

[galeforcehero.livejournal.com]

Oh. So it was just drugs, then? That's anticlimactic.

[house-1-god-0.livejournal.com]

No, I sit around in an office all day and avoid patients while simultaneously saving their lives.