realityshifted | (no subject)

Entry tags:

doctor who (d5) tardis

(no subject)

[a large, blue police box appears on the Plane, surrounded by piles of broken and burned debris, the remnants of what appears to have been part of a city square. snow is piled against the sides of the box -- soft and impossibly white, created through atmospheric excitation. copious amounts of rain water drip down the sides of the box, which looks to have been in the center of a rather terrifying and unnatural type of weather disaster.

the box itself exudes anger and pain and sorrow, a low, jarring hum vibrating the air around it. it just LOOKS gloomy.

it might be a good idea for any and all Doctors (except Eight, Eight's okay) to keep a wide berth, because this particular police box is having a rather bad time of it. approach with care]

[ooc; Again, tags back will be slow, as I am at work, but I really wanted to post this, so]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You stayed with him, of course. You chose him.

[can't bear to sit beside him and gets up, walking to the other side of the small Cloister garden, staring at her own ceiling]

What did she say?

[mutters softly] He followed me out, really. I'm not choosing between you two.

[this time he speaks normally and watches her, not following since she wants to be away from him] She forgave me. She was upset but she just wanted me to come back. [tilts his head back to stare at the ceiling] He says you and I are a broken set. I think he's right.

But you left. You left me and allowed him to stay. He hurts you and pains you and does all these things, but you will seek solace in his company when you will not allow me to grant you the same.

[turns on him, angry and hurt and a slew of other emotions, a tell-tale wetness in her eyes]

I am not broken! We are not broken! He is always right though, is that not true? Your precious Master, your Koschei. Why must she beg for you to return? Why must she suffer because of me?

[Though it is obvious that he is hurt as well, his pain seems more tired and distant. At the moment, the Doctor just looks old. His voice stays level and quiet, not raising with his emotions.]

We're tired. You haven't really talked to her yet, so it must be harder to imagine. But she's just as tired as I am. The war...I hope it's not as hard on you. That you stay as strong as you are. I don't want it to hurt you as much as it's hurt us.

[he stands and slides his hands into his pockets, though he does not walk closer] She didn't need to beg. I shouldn't have been angry at her as well. I told her as much. And I know you won't understand...about the Master. But I've chosen you both, to use your terms. But no one could ever replace you. You gave me the universe. Bit difficult to replace that. We should know.

[snappish. she doesn't want to admit she's wrong or lose this argument]

You did not answer my question. You consider him correct all the time, do you not? You will go to him when upset but you will not come to me. Can I not comfort you? Do you hate me so much?

[He just sighs inwardly and holds her gaze]

Right, in order. No, I don't think he's right all the time. I think he's wrong quite often, in fact. We argue constantly. I don't go to him when I'm upset, either. I'd rather stay somewhere by myself. You're a comfort, though. You always have been. And I don't hate you. I could never hate you. Not even when you hurt me.

Yet when he is wrong, you do not chastise him as you do me. He threatens me and you do nothing, but I threaten him and you run to him! He deserves to be hurt! He deserves to die!

[draws back, snapping her own anger in, and sinks to the ground, knees drawn close]

I do not understand. I do not understand any of this.

[He moves closer now, kneeling down in front of her. He wants to touch her but for the moment he only runs a hand through his hair]

I'm not denying what he deserves. But I can't do it. I just...can't. I was trying to protect you, though. He told me he was going to kill you if I didn't tell you to stop. I can't let him do that to you.

I threaten his life justifiably and you rage at me vocally. He threatens mine and you tell me to stop, you chastise me. How am I to react, Doctor? Why can you not see how you favour him?

[won't look at him, pressing her forehead to her knees]

But it does not matter. I am not yours. My opinion is invalid.

That's not... I didn't mean it. I mean I did, I just...you're still the TARDIS. You're still my TARDIS. I was afraid. [his voice finally becomes edged with pain] And I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please.

Afraid? Afraid of what? I would not harm you. I would never harm you.

[chances to look up at him, hearing the edge in his voice, though she makes no move to comfort him or touch him]

Doctor, I...

I was just...afraid. [sits down on the ground, propping his head up in his hands.] I don't know how to explain it to you. It doesn't exactly follow logic.

I do not understand.

[frowns, looking down again]

Can you understand what I have said?

I...try telling me again.

[quietly]

You are all I have. No matter your form or mine, no matter my age or yours, you are all I have. You are all I have ever had. You tell me I bring comfort, that you love me, but you always seek solace in others. You leave me behind on every planet to which I take you. I cannot share in your travels, not as your companions can. All I can do is protect you and remain waiting for you. I have always waited. I have always been loyal. And yet still you will not come to me. You will choose others first, you will find comfort with them, solace in them. You will seek out your best enemy and hurt me in order to spend time with him, though he has threatened my well-being. You tell me to leave, you tell me I am not yours, but you will remain with him, when I have been the only creature loyal to you in all the universe.

Do you understand?

[he listens to her patiently and waits until she is done before nodding.]

Yes, I do. But I never told you to leave. I said if you hated me, you could leave. You told me you refused to acknowledge me. What else could I think? But I still...shouldn't have said it.

[he sighs and runs his hand down his face] This has always been hard for you to understand, I know, but I need people. I really do. I care so much for the people that I bring to you. I want you to approve of them but really that's hoping for too much. Especially in the Master's case, I know. And no, he doesn't deserve your acceptance, though my other companions do. Just...I would never leave you. Never. Everyone else comes and goes. You always stay with me. So I'll stay with you.

You considered the idea of my hating you. It ... hurt. After all I have done for you, that you might believe me capable, I...

[chokes back the words, burying her face in her knees]

I do not understand why they are given such different treatment. I do not understand why you go to them and not me, when I am your oldest friend. Why you cannot find comfort in me.

[quickly, the words tumbling out] I didn't. I didn't think you hated me. Not really. I was angry and you know do know how that clouds judgment.

This isn't something you want to comfort me over. Look what happens every time he comes up. We fight.

Perhaps.

[and awww, look at how anger clouds hers!]

We fight because he does not belong! Everything would be better if it were not for him!

[he groans and sits back farther]

See? You won't listen when he comes up! I can't go to you about him because the second I mention him, you say something like that.

And you defend him without giving my argument thought!

[now his voice raises] I have given your argument thought! I've thought about it a lot! The Master and I didn't talk for months at first. I couldn't go anywhere. It was just us orbiting stars or sitting in the vortex. I had a lot of quiet time to think. And yes, things would be better between us if he weren't around. But he is. And that's not going to change.

[then he sighs] You want me to come to you but I can't when it's like this.

[shakes her head, quaking and upset, curling into a tiny ball]

I do not know how to be any other way than what I am! What would you have me do, Doctor? I do not understand! How can I make you come to me?

[he frowns and reaches out a hand to touch her face]

I can't really ask you not to fight with me over it, can I?

[flinches back from the touch, ashamed to be upset and unwilling to find comfort in him]

I do not ... I do not believe I can do that. It hurts, Doctor. It hurts so much.