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[AND ONTO THE PLANE COMES OUR ERSTWILE HERO, SHAMBLING ABOUT IN AN APPARENT DRUNKEN STUPOR AS HIS ZOMBIFIED REMAINS FIGHT THE POWERFUL URGE TO DEVOUR ANY AND ALL WHO APPROACH HIM]

Shut the bloody hell up you fuckin' loon!

[CRIED OUR HERO TO THE SKY, SHAKING A MIGHTY FIST AS GENERIC HEAVY METAL (TO BE DETERMINED BY DERO WHENEVER SHE GETS HOME) BLARED IN THE BACKGROUND, LENDING WEIGHT TO HIS HEAVY THOUGHTS]

I said shut it! Oi!

[WRACKED BY THE OVERWHELMING URGE TO FEED, OUR HERO FALLS TO HIS KNEES, CLUTCHING A STOMACH GROWLING FOR THE FLESH OF THE LIVING, CURSING THE WORLD FOR HIS PLIGHT]

I said shut up, you damn div!

[MEANWHILE, CHEETAHS ARE HUNTING THE STREETS OF HIS BELOVED MANCHESTER, SEEKING OUT WARM BLOOD AND FLESH. CAN OUR HERO OVERCOME HIS OWN INSATIABLE NEED, OR WILL HE BE HAVING DESERT -- WITH HIS DI AS THE MAIN INGREDIENT? AND WILL HE EVER STOP WASTING BULLETS SHOOTING AT THE SKY?]

[ooc; The long-awaited Manchester zombie post! Sorry for the delay, folks. Have fun tagging zombie!Gene and making up scenarios with the cheetahs still in Manchester. Also: I will be tagging slowly, as I am posting this from work, so have fun amongst yourselves. And oh yes, the narrator is BRIAN BLESSED so, those who can hear him? Have fun.]

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[stumbles onto the plane, covered in blood and dirt and zombie and carrying a shot gun]

[AND SO SAM TYLER FACES OFF AGAINST HIS DCI - HIS FRIEND, HIS FOE, HIS L--]

Enough of that, Blessed. I didn't like you even when you weren't narrating the zombie apocalypse.

[a beat]

...I didn't think you'd listen.

[BUT WHAT FATE IS TO BEFALL YOUNG TYLER?]

[phhhpt]

Guv, firing lead into the disembodied voice won't help when the voice is disembodied.

...G...Gene?!

Oh, Gene is yelling at the voice, I guess?

[Paws at her ears.] I don't like that man!

Piss off, Gladys. I don't --

[HE OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH THE VERY REAL POSSIBILITY OF ATTACKING HIS DI, THE ONE MAN GENE COULDN'T BEAR TO HARM]

-- want to hear it. [reloads his revolver and aims again, limbs shaking. because he's a REANIMATED CORPSE] If he doesn't shut the hell up I'm gonna kick his ass!

He doesn't have one to kick, Guv! I think we should maybe focus on deflecting the zombie attack.

I am the bleedin' zombie attack, or didn't you notice?

Stay the hell away from me, Kirihara!

[GENE LOOKS TO THE LOVELY YOUNG LADY, PERPLEXED]

You can hear the bastard?

[HE ASKS IN A PARTICULARLY STUPID VOICE]

[Gene growls again and shoots at the sky]

Leave me alone, Diva.

[It is with a brief flicker of remorse that Sam acknowledges: THAT IS WHAT THE SHOTGUN IS FOR.]

[ignoring the voice]

I did, actually. Well done on getting killed yet again. But if you're fighting it, others should be able to fight it too.

Well that makes two of us, doesn't it?

[THAT SAME REMORSE FLICKERS OVER GENE'S ZOMBIFIED FEATURES, BECAUSE HE KNOWS HIS DI IS READY AND WILLING TO KILL HIM]

[also ignore the voice! and is that a new icon?]

Oh, piss off you bloody git. I don't fancy anyone dying, or do you really want to test that theory?

I am not willing to kill him!

[bit of a shrug]

Shoot him in the leg, maybe, but he'd deserve that.

Maybe not, but how many other zombies did you off?

[crosses his arms]

I don't think that's gonna stop a bunch of blokes who should be dead, Tyler.

{Nods after flinching as Gene shoots at nothing}

I can. He's loud, isn't he? But it's not terrible, since I can ignore it. Ne, but obviously Gene can't, since you're wastng your bullets.

What's going on?

It works in Resident Evil.

[THE MAN IS A GENRE SAVVY ONE, AND IT IS THIS THAT SHALL DOOM HIM!!]

But judging from the music, this is a low-budget film. Low-budget films mean inexplicable returns from the dead, unzombified and in perfect health.

No one is dooming my DI!

[IF ONLY HE HAD THE SAME STRENGTHS AND ABILITIES AS HIS DI, THINKS OUR HERO, THEN PERHAPS HE COULD GET OUT OF THIS PREDICAMENT]

What the hell are you on about?

What's it look like?

He's a bloody div, 's what he is.

[IF ONLY THE LOVELY LADY KNEW THE HORROR THAT WAS IN STORE FOR HER BY STAYING AROUND THE UNDEAD GENE]

I'm not wasting anything.

{She shrugs. Dude's been narrating her doom this whole time and things have been alright. Maybe it's because she hasn't slept with anyone, but more likely because I was in a slump. But that is a secret and rather irrelevant!}

No, you certainly are. Shooting at nothing seems like a waste to me.

Or one and a few bits. [LITTLE DID THE UNNATURAL FELINE KNOW THAT THIS TAUNT MIGHT VERY WELL BE HER LAST!!]

[glares upwards] Your head in my mouth.

Edited 2008-11-05 22:10 (UTC)

[smirk!]

I think the voice is saying I'm better than you.

[the Master crosses his arms]

You smell horrible.

Over my dead body.

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