realityshifted | 002 - Sucks to Be You

[Deadpool sits alone at the bar, surrounded by empty pitchers. Not sure why he's drinking so much, though. Not like he'll get drunk.]

I'm depressed, you ninny. When you're depressed you drink. It's not just about the alcohol, it's also about the atmosphere. It's how you express your hopeless loneliness.

[Kinda one-dimensional, don't you think?]

If it were any other character, yeah. but when I do it, it's dark and mysterious.

[Why are you depressed anyway?]

As if you don't know, Captain Exposition? Whatever. First we had the week of darkness, which started right when I began to watch "Return of the King" and I got back just as it ended. That was totally lame.

[Why didn't you just rewind it?]

And while I was in the darkness here, I spent most of the time acting like an unarmed wussy and embarrassing myself in front of the one person around here I don't want to embarrass myself around.

[That crush of yours is pretty hilariously pathetic, by the way]

And then I watched Diva die, made me feel like I was watching my own future. Being stabbed in the back by a guy named Nathan and dying unfulfilled.

[Actually, both of those things have already happened to you]

*sigh* I'm really starting to hate this place.

[Then why'd you come back?]

...Y'know, you are probably the chattiest writer I've ever had. It's really annoying, and coming from me, that's saying something.

[Look, you're depressed. Boo hoo, I feel so sorry for you. But people don't like you because of your brooding. They like you because you're hilarious and kick ass. You're slowly going from the bad-ass merc with a mouth to one of my mom's soap operas. It's annoying. Look I'm sorry things aren't panning out for that girl you like, but it doesn't really matter since you already have like 3 unrequited love interests in canon. Adding on more here would be a bit of a waste. And as far as Diva goes, it's not like you've never seen a friend die before. And you barely knew her. Plus she'll probably come back or something.]

You see that? Waaay too much chatter. You wrote like a whole paragraph. Anyway, just shut up, I think people are starting to look at me weird and I don't think I have the patience to deal with stupid questions about who I'm talking to or whatever.

[OK, fine. Be all moody. But hey, at least you have your costume and weapons back]

That is pretty awesome.

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[Passing by, hello~ Uh but that guy was... talking in himself, right? Juliet decides to come closer and peek over the counter to search for the other party.]

Mmm~ [chuckles then in a 'that is so pathetic' way, and looks at him] Hard day~?

...More like hard week.

...

Don't I know you?

Mm, I'm afraid everyone can tell that~ With all this darkness and chaos around, ah~ [dramatic sigh] It really can make people crazy~

Ara~~? [tilts his head] You do~? A fan maybe~~? How flattering~

OK, dude, seriously, you gotta stop with the tildes. They're a privilege, not a right.

...You kinda remind me of that doofus Romeo. You his brother or something?

[frowns, even though still smiling] Aah, let's say I know what are you talking about and tell you that I have every right for them~? [BEAMS]

Oh my, you know Romeo? Casting his shine over all the people here, I'm so proud of him~ [chuckles] Our bond is more than the bond between siblings, it's the bond of fated love~~ I'm his Juliet~ [bows]

...May your relationship meet the same happy end as the original Romeo and Juliet.

[chuckles] You people should be more original with your well wishes~

OK then, may your relationship meet the same happy ending as "Brokeback Mountain".

You and your friend are sending us these plots, right~? [beams] May I know the names? It's more personal that way~

...I'm not sure I understand what you just said. My friend? Plots? Names?

...Is this supposed to be some kind of thinly veiled threat?

I heard you talking to someone. But don't be afraid everyone has imaginary friends. [chuckles] It's cute even~

Threat? Oh my, such a rude thing to say! I would never...! I was just trying to catch your name that is all~ Since you seem to be a friend of Romeo.

...Oh, right. Nah, I was just talking to my writer. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get one some day that doesn't have tilde tourrettes.

My name is Deadpool, as in you and Romeo sometimes make me wish I were "dead" or that you were drowning in a "pool" of blood.

Nice to meet you!~~~~~

Writer, riiight~ [chuckles] Everyone calls it different I guess~ And my writer is Romeo and he can write whatever he wants~

Oya? I wonder what we had done to earn this much respect from you, Deadpool-kun~ [smiles] But nice to meet you~!

Not so much what you've done but the way you do it. It drives me nuts.

I'd probably grind you both into pavement if it weren't so easy.

...And if I didn't know that the Wonder Twins would bring you back regardless.

So you saw our play~? Lovely news~! Hatred often is a sign of affection~ [BEAMS] We really appreciate it.

Wow, you just take everything as a compliment, don't you?

It's how I deal with fools~ [chuckles]

OK, that's it, I am so not in the mood to deal with a cross-dressing, hoity-toity, tilde-abusing freak with a superiority complex. You are goin' down. Enjoy your happy dagger and say hi to the Olsen Twins for me.

[Tumbles off of his stool, draws a sword and lunges at you. Just so you know, Deadpool is really, really quick and dexterous, so you have to be too if you want to dodge him.]

[Juliet might be not THAT quick, but he has his brains and thinks himself off of the Plane, back where he came from. Faster method than jumping away! Hah.]

Take THAT as a compliment.

[Sheathes sword and sits back down]

002 - Sucks to Be You

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