realityshifted | (no subject)

(no subject)

[the TARDIS appears on the Plane following this conversation with Dietrich, hoping to find a way to counteract whatever it is he's done to her and warn the Doctor. she's pacing around near the beach that Ten.One brought a while back, stopping every now and again to see if anyone's around, then going back to pacing, working out elaborate equations under her breath just to keep focused]

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But what of you opportunities of before? Your near unending talents? Are those here are well?

[she is extremely close to pulling away, her her gaze meets the other]

Since I was a child.

To an extent. This form does not hinder my previous abilities and I still have the capability of flight in my own reality. But I can never experience what it feels like to step out into those worlds, not the way I can here. I am nothing but the ghost in the machine then, ephemeral and incomplete.

[senses her discomfort and lets her arm down]

Then it is simply a part of your function, unwanted as it may be.

Is that how you see yourself, then? Incomplete?

[visibly bristles]

It is not a part of my function. My function is to serve my king, to love him. And in the ways he longs for? I cannot. How, then, am I functioning properly?

At times. I never used to, not until the infection, not until I learned to take these forms. But now that I have, it as though something is missing.

[blinks, nonchalant]

I do not understand. Your ailment has been with you for years. It is part of you, just as malfunctions and inconsistencies are part of me. Do you not bring your king pleasure? Is he unhappy with you?

Infection?

[these moments are unsettling, when she is reminded how much she does not know]

It has not been with me for years. not like this. This is more than a chill, a head cold. A lingering weakness. Six times our child has withered within me. Died. I am hardly maternal but surely there is a point where it is too much. And I cannot sustain. Be what he needs. Even as I please him I do not. And so I move on, find others than can.

Anti-time. It ... segmented me, once, drove me to insanity. I was as two different people and one of them took the form of the Brigadier in order to gain the trust of others and then destroy them. I have since been healed, but it forced me to realise certain things about myself. I have not been the same since.

[frowns faintly]

You want to conceive, then? To bear a child? Is that your desire or your king's? You do not strike me as one who cares to bring an infant into existence.

And what did you learn of yourself through the course of your survival?

[her chin lifts slightly]

Truthfully? I have no desire to become a mother again. I am too old to begin that journey again. But in turn, all the false starts? Has taken its toll on my health. Even with the suggested bloodlettings, the diets? I have grown no stronger. I cannot serve as I once did.

[the resolve required is clear]

We will always remain friends, of course. That cannot be taken away.

That I craved the attention and affection of a man who does not deserve such adoration from me.

What crude methodology. Your medicine seems archaic and ineffective. Why do you continue to use it if it does nothing? You are wasting your time and energies on that which does not work.

[seems momentarily sad]

You are unhappy with this arrangement, however.

her eyes question even more than the one that follows]

You think he does not deserve it?

[the sadness should anger her -- it is too akin to pity and that she cannot stand. But she cannot determine from where the sadness stems and Reinette does not know what to feel]

I continue to allow it because I hope it one day will.

[it is a silly futile wish that is nothing but illogical, it angers and it frustrates that she cannot let it go]

We are both broken, I think.

Edited 2008-08-03 05:11 (UTC)

No. He is a fool and a disgrace and I would have naught to do with him. His very presence is painful to me.

[the TARDIS has her own share of ghosts, after all]

You are a stronger woman than you claim to be, then, do you not believe?

[frowns, then looks away]

Perhaps we are.

One might be a fool, and a disgrace. We might wish them away and find even th thought of their name painful.

But that does not mean we do not long for them.

[she watches the TARDIS, if only to look away from herself]

My mind is strong, but my body is not. This leaves me at war with myself.

[Broken indeed]

I long for him to stay far from me, that is all.

[holds her gaze, jaw tight, though her expression softens a little]

A mind is far more valuable than the vessel in which it is stored. One can do nothing without a mind.

That is what you long for?

[say it again, she might believe it]

My mind can only take me so far.

It is. More than anything.

Perhaps. It has taken you quite far as it is, though.

If that is what you wish for, perhaps I do not understand you as much as I once thought.

[thoughtful]

If far is this beach, now. Then I imagine that it has.

[internally, the TARDIS is desperate for Reinette to understand that something is wrong, to not believe the words she's speaking, but none of that concern comes through] Perhaps I have simply been too good at deceit.

[kneels, lifting the sand in her hand]

Is that such a bad thing?

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