[004]

[gavesomuch.livejournal.com]

[Claudius is not letting himself get eaten.]

[He's well aware that he's the grandmother in this tale, having been unwillingly slammed back into being a old woman, but he refuses to allow the end of it. He doesn't care that he deserves to be eaten, he doesn't care that fate in fairytales is rather hard to shake off. He is not being swallowed down by some wolf.]

[...No.]

[So he's just going to sit here, holding a knife, and glaring into space. Trying his very hardest to remember that he's Claudius, not some pathetic old woman to be swallowed down like a fish]

Somebody distract me.

[Best way to do it, really (Even if fairytale fate is rather hard to avoid...)]

Comments

[ravenchaser.livejournal.com]

[Did someone call for a distraction?

A tall, lanky man in a sleek, dark coat strides calmly over, with his long blonde hair fluttering behind him— but was he a man? His aura suggested something more sinister, but there was no way of telling. He hid it well enough, this time; his ears were slicked flat against his head and hidden by his long hair, the bump formed by his tail under the coat should not be noticable viewed from the front, and the way he positioned his fingers should hide his claws for now.

He held a gun in his gloved left hand. His right was pocketed.]

Why the knife?

Is someone threatening you? [He bowed his head as he spoke, to hide his fangs.] I could take care of him for you...

[collector]

Is something the matter, ma'am? [He scratches his beard thoughtfully.]

[gavesomuch.livejournal.com]

[...Ah. This is going to be a fun distraction.]

[Luckily, for a given definition of the term, Claudius' senses are a little dulled at the moment. Usually he would've sniffed out the ears and immediately seen the tail. But now he is running at low power, a little old woman just fit for eating...]

I'm trying to protect myself [...Drat, his voice was all old and wobbly then. He forces it back to its old pitch with some effort] And, yes, a wolf is threatening me.

...Young man [He almost bites on his tongue, but instead settles for a glower at his general situation.]

[gavesomuch.livejournal.com]

A wolf is trying to eat me, young- [No! With his free hand he darts across to pinch himself. It draws blood, for his nails are still sharp, but it definitely does the job!]

...Braxiatel.

[collector]

[Thankfully, she is not young enough to be considered for one of Bluebeard's wives. He raises an eyebrow.] My apologies, ma'am. I can't recognise you in your changed state. [There's something a little smug about the way he says it, as if he DOES recognise this person.]

[gavesomuch.livejournal.com]

[Claudius is sincerely grateful for that, believe him. He does not want to be a wife, or dead, or both at the same time.]

[...But, then, he doesn't really want to admit that either.]

[Ah]

[Ah.]

[...Very softly, low enough for only mating elephants to hear:] I'm Claudius

[collector]

[It's a sad day for Claudius, because Irving Braxiatel is a mating elephant.]

[He affects a look of surprise.] Claudius! I never would have guessed. [His voice says he would have known.] You've been made a grandmother? That doesn't bode well.

..sgrsgsg you need to stop making me cackle in the middle of the night. XDD

[gavesomuch.livejournal.com]

[Claudius always suspected this of him, dammit.]

[And, as a result, is giving him a extremely dirty look. One that he trusts to convey all his opinions on any looks of surprise, and maybe to set a few things on fire as well] Of course you wouldn't have, of course.

[...Soothing, Brax] I'm not getting eaten.

but I loooove you

[collector]

[ignoring those looks]

I should hope not. [He would not want a poor wolf to have to eat something so undelicious, that is. (There is something about Claudius that makes Brax want to taunt him.)] You do keep an axe nearby, of course?

I DO NOT NEED YOUR LOVE! NO! NOT AT ALL! /DRAMATIC TURNING AWAY

[gavesomuch.livejournal.com]

[Damn you, Brax, buuuuuurn.]

[...Fine, but he's still keeping his eyes narrowed! And tightening his hold on his knife, as hard as he can. This is his wolf killing knife, nothing will go wrong with this knife around (apart from everything, yes.)] I have my knife and I still have some skills, thank you very much.

of course you do /embraces

[collector]

Of course. But an axe is a little more traditional. [Also it seems more fun, which he is going to assume is the Bluebeard talking.

He's not entirely certain on that, though.]

[ravenchaser.livejournal.com]

Then, I'll save you from such a grisly fate.

[There was a metallic clicking sort of sound, as he cocked the gun, pointing at something low on the ground behind her, it seemed... ]

I assure you— [He jerked the gun to point it at her ankles and fired, aiming to take her down for an easier kill.] I'll enjoy your flesh more fully than any wolf.

Stop giving me these FEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS ;; /IN DENIAL!

[gavesomuch.livejournal.com]

Of course it is, dear, but little old ladies like me shouldn't be carrying axes around! I mean, what if I tripped or fell or-

[Dammit! Another pinch of his arm. Snap out of it, Claudius...]

My knife is fine, thank you.

[gavesomuch.livejournal.com]

[Damn, if only he still had his powers-]

[But he doesn't, not here, and so the bullet catches him. Sending him toppling to the ground with a loud shriek... And into the fairytale, deep and dark and definitely dangerous.]

[It's odd that she's lying on the floor, isn't it? Terribly odd... She must've fallen out of bed, just fallen out of bed. But is that her granddaughter over there, come with a nice basket of muffins? Her eyesight has never been that good, heading into old age as she is, it's probably best to check] Red, is that you?

[collector]

You poor old dear. [Now he is not even trying not to look like he's having fun.]

[gavesomuch.livejournal.com]

[He hates you, Brax, he hopes you know that. He hopes you can tell, from his glare, that he's currently screaming "diiiiiiiiiiiiiie" in his head (it's been a long few days] If I had my full powers...

[Aw, who is he kidding - Brax would probably manage to beat him anyway. He's sneaky like that]

[... devouring the old lady in three, two... ^^;;;]

[ravenchaser.livejournal.com]

Who else might I be? I'm your grandchild, Little Red Riding Hood. [Sweetly spoken, in a voice forced higher than normal that would have been funny if it weren't so disturbing.] I've brought you some muffins and a little pot of butter sent you by mother.

[He put away the gun, fangs sharpning.]

[collector]

If you had your full powers, you would... be better able to defend yourself? [Claudius is just fun to tease.]

:DDD

[gavesomuch.livejournal.com]

[She smiles on the floor. That's her granddaughter, so kind and caring to a old woman losing her sight and losing her hearing...] Come over here so I can see you better, dear!

I just got this image of Brax pulling Claudius' pigtails in the playground and I had to share it

[gavesomuch.livejournal.com]

[Claudius is currently grunting like a teenager. Since that will also help his cause] Or do things to you, horrible things.

[Like glowering. Really passionate glowering.]

[....... well, now I feel like a horrible, horrible person. ^o^;;;;]

[ravenchaser.livejournal.com]

[He smiled at her.] Of course...

Dearest grandmother.

[The wolf immediately fell upon her, to devour her whole.]

that is exactly them

[collector]

[Oh but Brax is smiling so congenially] I'm sure a gentleman of your nature wouldn't resort to that.

It is so perfect for them. It is basically their life, but with more drama.

[gavesomuch.livejournal.com]

[Shut up. He's being a teenager (in the body of a old woman.) Logic does not exist in these parts!] You don't know my nature. I could rip you apart with my teeth if I wanted.

[collector]

I'm fairly confident you're not the big bad wolf today, Claudius.

[gavesomuch.livejournal.com]

I'll kill the wolf, and this will end.

[collector]

Well, I wish you luck. And if you need any assistance, I'd be happy to offer it.

[gavesomuch.livejournal.com]

[Unfortunately Claudius the paranoid boy could not look more disbelieving if Brax had turned into a elephant and started tap dancing] Really?

[collector]

Of course. I'd never leave a lady in distress.

[gavesomuch.livejournal.com]

...I'm a man.

[collector]

Usually, yes. [Just like usually Brax is very accepting of gender things. BUT NOT TODAY WITH YOU, CLAUDIUS.]

[gavesomuch.livejournal.com]

Always [THANKS, BRAX, HIS TEETH ARE GRITTED NOW!] No matter what form I wear.

[collector]

My apologies, Claudius. But if that's the case, then I'd best return to my story.

[gavesomuch.livejournal.com]

Good, you should.

[Waiiiiit] ...Why would my gender stop you from doing that?

[collector]

Oh, it wouldn't. [Or would it? Either way, Brax salutes and disappears.]

[gavesomuch.livejournal.com]

[Fiiine, he's just going to keeping sitting here and holding onto his knife... (And later getting eaten by a wolf. Thanks, universe, he loves you too~.)]