realityshifted | (no subject)

[A ruddy-dressed man appears in the middle of the Plane, squinting from beneath a really horrible old hat.]

Och. This must be sum kind o' witchery... De'il be damned an' curse 'is mum, there be stars where there ought to be ain't. I dinnae ask fer this, ye ken? An' who wud? Ach... too old fer this. Wonder if'n Private Pulsifer canna tell me wot this all's aboot.

[He takes a long drag off a cigarette hidden in his hands calmly and looks around, as if waiting.]

... Ye kin send me back anyday now.

...

Ye've got sum nerve, keepin' a man like me 'gainst 'is will. A lotta nerve. Wot do ye ken ye git? I've a mighty finger, aye, I'll tell ye, I'm a man with a hand, an' I'm not afraid t' use it. Th' first Witchfinder on record e'er t' perform an exorcism on a demon... er... I think...

[He considers this for a long moment, then lets it go. His memory slips when he tries to think of the occasion.]

'Course, I'm retired now, but if I canna git rid o' a witch an' 'er wiles thin I was nae a Witchfinder ever. [coughs loudly] Figures I'd hef t' deal wi' a bunch o' Southern pansies. Aye... Ne'er a good explinashun fer anythin' when there should be.

[a little louder] Sen' me back or I'll be forced ta use sum lethal weaponry, ye ken!? Ye deaf'n'ignorant totterin' lean-witted malkins! YE KEN?!

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

{...loud people lately} There's no need for "lethal weaponry", sir.

[Murr] You're noisy.

Unfortunately, demanding a result will rarely cause it to happen.

[Scratches her head, just staring at him.]

[More loud people wrrrry. Hei is so tired.]

There's no need to shout, sir.

Ah! Really, there's no need for such anger. This is a relatively safe place.

Ach! Sure there is!

[There is a talking cat. Cats should not talk. Therefore Shadwell is talking at the air.]

No I ain't! Ye're th' nuisance, ye... ye... wherever ye be.

Tha's nonsense. I kin make anythin' I wan' 'appen. Sumthin' kids these days 'ave no idea aboot!

[wait a tic]

... Wot th'ell are ye s'posed ta be?

I'm not yelling.

[staaaaaaares back, all squinty-eyed]

Wot'ye lookin' at?

If it helps any, a thought will let you return home, and no time will have passed.

[Wut] I am a person, sir.

[Sorry, Hei. Shadwell is the loudest of them all.]

Are ye th' wun in charge? Well, ye no look like a witch, but ye're ob'v'sly sum kinna Oriental stick-shaker...

Well let me rephrase, then.

There's no need for senseless violence.

[=_=] ..."Stick-shaker"?

Safe? SAFE!? It's an outpost o' th' DARKNESS!

[... Wait. What the fffffffahjsffdg?!?!]

... Wot are ye s'posed t'be? I must be havin' sum kinna... hallucimation. Aye, tha's too much o' ol' Jezebel's brew, pro'lly...

It ain't senseless if witches be involved, boy! Where've ye been?! Alla bunch o' ignorant children, never knowin' or appreciatin' real 'ard work an' protectin'...

Aye, but ye're hidin' like sum kinna coward.

Witches? {Thoughtfully, placing a finger to his chin}

Hm, I don't think there are any witches here, actually. We have nearly everything else, though. Vampires, talking cats, time machines, immortals...et cetera.

Oh my my, I can assure you that the Darkness does not hold sway here. It has a presence here, certainly, but it does not have control of this place. And as long as I am here, I intend to keep it that way.

Oh, me? Ah, I am Amaterasu, sun goddess of Nippon. And you, young one?

Wot? Tha' makes no sense.

Mus' be a trick...

Ye're lookin' pretty witchy ta me.

Aye. Shakin' sticks an' rattlin' wheel things, like in... erm...

[Crowley is not in movie-mode, for the time being! Because dear god would that be confusing XD;]

[He realizes, a moment too late, that the person ranting and raving seems awfully familiar. He realizes a moment after that, that he's still sporting a large pair of black feathered wings, and that this might be a problem.]

...bloody He— Hea—

Bugger.

It doesn't, but one grows accustomed to it.

...I assure you, sir I am not a 'witch.'

[Shadwell straightens and continues talking to some spot above Amaterasu. He is not seeing this. He is not seeing this. NOT. SEEING. THIS.]

... ah. I'm... Witchfinder Sergeant Shadwell. Retired.

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